


An Unlikely Friendship

by HideTheDecay



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-01-16 01:14:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 92,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12332523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HideTheDecay/pseuds/HideTheDecay
Summary: Anders.He gaped as the mage stretched and made his way to his door to let himself in. Just part of his normal morning routine, clearly. Suddenly the russet fur and amber eyes of his cat seemed all too familiar and the thought of staring into those eyes as he confessed all of his fears made him sick to his stomach. How had this happened? How had this mage slipped into his home, his life, even his heart without him ever suspecting?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Splinters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6076758) by [HeroMaggie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroMaggie/pseuds/HeroMaggie). 



It was just his luck that the one time he needed Hawke, the rogue wasn’t there. He knocked and knocked, but there was no answer - unusual since Bodahn normally there in the evenings, but who knew what any of them were up to. With a huff of annoyance, he turned and started back the way he came, deciding that he would just stop by The Hanged Man tomorrow and talk to him then. If he showed up, anyway - it was always a roll of the die who would turn up for their weekly get togethers, but there was always at least enough of them to break out the cards.

Of all of them, Anders went the least. He had little time to spare and only when he’d gone without a proper break in weeks did he wander in to join them.

In contrast, Isabela hadn’t missed a night since the tradition had been established and, knowing the way things had been going with Hawke, he was willing to bet coin that he would enter tomorrow and find him sitting beside her, an arm around her waist, flirting shamelessly in front of everyone. They were so brazen about it, he sometimes wondered if the pair got their kicks out of making everyone else uncomfortable spectators to their antics.

He had to admit, between Merrill’s blank looks and Aveline’s pursed lips, he found the whole thing amusing.

Tomorrow it was.

Distracted by his thoughts, Anders didn’t realize he was being followed until he turned into an alley and found himself surrounded by a group of templars.

“Oh.”

There was a sudden crackle of energy in him, a fierce rush of protectiveness that flooded in to mingle with the fear that had stopped his heart.

Without thought, reacting as he always did when faced with this particular danger, magic swept over him faster than Justice could react. His form shifted and where there had been a man standing just a moment prior, now stood a cat. A cat had whose russet coat would have looked luxurious if it didn’t appear so brittle and attached to a frame that was far too thin. It was further marred by lines  of scarring on its back, visible as bald patches between the richly colored fur. In that way, the cat did not look so different from the man.

The sudden change spared him a smite that instead stuck a templar behind him and before they could regroup, he bolted between the legs of one the one that had cast it and took off.

He didn’t know where he was going until he was almost there. There was yelling behind him as the templars chased him, but he was far quicker than they were in their clunky armor and by the time he reached the decrepit mansion, they’d lost sight of him. He could still hear them, however, and he was too frightened to turn back and try the door. He knew they would be looking for him for some time and it would be just his luck that the warrior would be home to kick him out as soon as he stepped inside, so when he came to a broken window, he leapt up to it.

His paw sank into a shard of glass, but he was too busy scrambling through to notice more than the sensation of it embedding itself into his pad.

The whole maneuver was decidedly ungraceful and when he dropped through the other side, he landed on a pile of junk that had been tossed haphazardly beneath the window. It shifted beneath him and both he and everything beneath him came crashing down, which only succeeded in further spooking him. He darted over to a desk in a corner, hiding beneath it, unaware that there was a trail of blood marking his path.

\---

Fenris was fairly deep into his first bottle of wine for the night and halfway through his dinner when he heard the crash from the other room. He was on his feet in an instant, stumbling only a little as he rushed for the spot against the wall he’d set his sword. By the time he raced into the room where he’d heard the commotion, his body and mind were steady, poised and vicious. He saw no intruder, but he did see an incriminating red trail leading toward some of the only unbroken furniture in the room. His lips pulled back into a snarl and he crept closer to it, his sword ready to jab into the foot space of the desk as soon as he saw who was inside. But when he rounded the furniture to see, his snarl twisted into confusion. “...Argori?”

What in the Maker’s name was a cat doing in here? He could see the glass sticking out of its paw and when he glanced back up to the window, he realized where it came in and that it was definitely the source of the noise in here. He sighed and lowered his sword, reaching out tentatively with fingers that undoubtedly smelled like the chicken he was eating. “Yagla, argori.” After a moment, he realized that if the cat was used to anything being said to it, it likely wasn’t in his native tongue. “Come here, cat. You can’t go back out there with glass in your paw.”

\---

The sound of footsteps made him press tightly against the wall the desk was placed against, curling up into a ball to make himself as small as possible. When the familiar face appeared in front of him, his ears pressed back and gave a low growl, but threatening as the sound was, he appeared far more frightened than anything else. The hand reaching towards him was rewarded with his uninjured paw shooting out to swipe at it. He crawled as far as he could from him, while staying under the desk, and curled up even tighter when he was out of reach.

\---

He swore under his breath when the claws nicked him, withdrawing his hand quickly. He should have known better than to try. He’d never been any good with animals. “Fine.” He stood again from the crouch he’d fallen into and shook out his hand, starting back toward his dining room with his sword over his shoulder. Surely the cat would show itself out once he made himself scarce so it would come out of hiding.

\---

It took well over ten minutes for him to attempt to move. His paw was throbbing at this point, but he wasn’t going to fix it until he was back in his clinic safe and sound. It was too soon to leave, the templars would still be out looking for him, but he needed to find a way out. The front door was not an option, but neither was the window, injured as he was, so he decided that he would search while he waited. He peeked out from under the desk and saw that the warrior was nowhere in sight, so he figured he’d slunk back off to his room in the back.

As long as he stayed away from there, he would be left alone. Hopefully.

On edge, he limped out from beneath the desk, noticing with disdain just how filthy it was. It wasn’t his first time here, far from it, but he’d only ever come with Hawke and they’d always made a line straight from the door to his room, so he’d never gotten the chance to see all of the rooms that he found himself wandering through now. The dirt and the trash were one thing, but what in the Maker’s name was up with all the corpses?

\---

Fenris was parked back at his table, surrounded by empty wine bottles and broken glass. While it was clear most of his calories came from those bottles, he had spent some of their last mission’s earnings on proper meals and he had one before him now. A spicy rice pilaf with buttery, herbal chicken. He’d all but demolished the rice and though half the chicken was gone, he was still picking some meat off of the bones. He was far more interested in his drink though, not bothering with a glass tonight and nursing the bottle itself. He’d nearly finished it since he left the stray cat to show itself out, setting the bottle down and slumping a little at the table.

\---

He hit almost every room, save for the one he was avoiding, leaving a trail of blood that marked his movement all over the mansion. Nothing. No open windows, no balcony, no hole for him to slip through. All he had was the window that had already wounded him. Resigned, he made his way back to the room with the desk, sitting back on his haunches and looking up at the broken glass. He could make that jump, surely? Even with the glass in his paw, it wouldn’t be that hard…

Still, he had some time yet to wait.

He laid down and began to lick at his paw, trying to tend to it as best as he could. His teeth dug into it, trying to get the glass out, but all that managed to do was aggravate it and so with a growl, he gave up. The entire place smelled foul, but he had caught onto the scent of freshly cooked meat as he wandered, just as he’d smelled it on him when he’d gotten close. It made him yearn, always wanting to go to wherever food was in this form, but he didn’t dare risk it so he forced himself to remain where he was, knowing he was going to be here for a while.

\---

A few bites and another bottle of wine later, Fenris was ready to stumble off to bed. But he remembered his visitor for the evening and found himself curious if he was still there. Grabbing his plate of uneaten chicken, he made his way back to the room he’d found the cat, expecting him to be long gone. He snorted when he saw the stray lying on the floor. “There’s nothing here for you, cat.” He told him, moving into the room but not going near the animal. He could definitely live without more scratches. He pushed open the broken window and wiped the glass away, getting a little in his arm but too drunk to notice. Now with an easier exit, he was certain the cat would go. He set the plate with his leftovers down on the floor, then headed out of the room. “So long, argori.”

\---

The sound of footsteps had him growling again, but quietly. When he stepped in, his tailed pulled in, frightened, and when he approached the window, Anders quickly jumped up and darted back to the desk. From there, he heard the window opening and the sound of falling glass. When Fenris walked back out, all that was left was the scent of the chicken in the air and in spite of himself, he found himself crawling back out sooner than felt safe.

The plate caught his attention and he slowly approached it, sniffing carefully. His instincts took over and he began to devour the meat, purring as he cleaned the bones of every scrap that had been afforded to him. He went so far as to lick the juices off the plate and only when he was done was he able to stop and analyze what had happened. His eyes lifted to the window and he saw that it had been opened and cleared for him.

That was unexpected. Not that he’d expected him to be cruel… Okay, maybe he’d expected him to be cruel. Not that it was particularly cruel to remove an unwanted animal from your home, it wasn’t as he would know what putting him outside might do to him, but he wouldn’t have expected him to offer him food. That usually kept animals coming back.  

Curiosity piqued, he left the room on three legs and made his way to the one he’d avoided. This room, at least, was warm with the light of a fire and didn’t smell nearly as bad as the rest of the place. It carried the sharp scent of wine and the food that had been shared between them. He didn’t try to enter, rather he sat back on his haunches at the threshold, keeping his distance, but looking in.

\---

Rather than go to what passed for his bedroom, Fenris decided he would stay by the fire for tonight. He grabbed the ragged blanket he kept near one of his chairs and wrapped it around himself, lowering to lay down on the floor. He lacked any of his usual grace, more falling to the floor than really laying down. What was left was to see if he’d had enough to drink to actually get to sleep. From the way he was fidgeting, it seemed unlikely.

\---

Realizing there wasn’t anything to see and that he was settling in to sleep, on the floor of all places, he decided to let him be. He watched for only a few beats, before getting back up and returning the way he came. He ought to wait a while longer, but he just wanted to go back home at this point. If the templars were looking for him, they’d likely moved on to elsewhere in Hightown. If he stayed in the shadows, he ought to be fine.

He had a thought to heal himself before he headed out, but the last thing he needed was the templars sensing his magic if they _were_ close.

Jumping out of the window was painful. Less the jump and more the landing. It’d driven the glass deeper into his paw and made him hiss, but he hurried on, keeping to alleys as he made his way back to what little safety the clinic offered him.


	2. Chapter 2

He’d intended on sitting out on cards that evening, but Hawke had procured payment from an old job that had gone unrewarded and so with sacks of coin being tossed around and the man’s insistence that he join in, he couldn’t bring himself to refuse. He’d long since noticed that while everyone’s share looked about even, his always seemed heavier and that Hawke’s always seemed lighter. He’d once tried to confront him on it, but Hawke had laughed and brushed him off as seeing things.

_‘As if I’d ever take less than my cut.’_

The wink that followed had spoken the truth of it and embarrassed him, but he learned that it was easier not to argue.

If Hawke wanted him to play, he could spare at least a few coins.

As always, he went out first. _You know, Justice, if you would stop complaining, I might actually win for once._ If only. Before the spirit could go on a tirade about how it was unjust for him to be wasting coin that could otherwise used for the clinic, he turned to Hawke, who was barely floating himself, between Isabela and Varric, and asked he could accompany him to his mansion to speak to him that night.

That, of course, drew Isabela’s attention and she gave him a wicked grin, asking if she was allowed to join in.

With a sigh and a roll of the eyes, he explained that not everything was an innuendo, thank you, and that he really did need to speak to Hawke alone. The man seemed amused, but curious, so he agreed and that was how they ended up walking through the streets of Hightown together that evening.

After the night before, he was on his guard, though being accompanied by the rogue made him feel safer. It wasn’t until an hour later, when he was leaving by himself, that he really felt vulnerable. So much so that as soon as he was outside, he found a spot out of sight to shift into a cat. He felt better sneaking around when he could dart between the shadows and he started the trek to Darktown. When he drew near the mansion he’d found safety at the night before, however, he paused, wondering if the warrior was there. He hadn’t shown up to the Hanged Man, which was always a relief for him, so perhaps he was busy with something tonight.

Curious and with the memory of the chicken from the night before, he decided it couldn’t hurt to be a little nosy. Worse case scenario, he wasn’t there. Best case scenario, he was and he offered him some more chicken. Maybe.

Using the same window he had the night before, he jumped into the mansion. Without the hazard of glass, the movement was a lot more graceful and he landed nimbly on his feet, avoiding the junk that had alerted him to his presence before. He padded out of the room, making his way to the back of the mansion, where he would see and hear the promising crackle of a fire.

\---

Fenris was lounging in one of the chairs by the fire, an empty bottle tipped on the floor nearby. He was staring off into the fireplace, his face drawn in misery. His eyes were distant, clearly somewhere else. Tevinter, judging by the way his hands were shaking. Perhaps he should have gone to the Hanged Man. Sometimes the others provided a decent distraction and once in awhile, he actually had a good time. But tonight he’d wanted to be alone. To drown himself until he could sleep or sit up by the fire, making plans for what he would do when it was time to flee Kirkwall.

He knew better than to think he could stay here forever. As they often did, his thoughts had wandered to what would happen when Danarius inevitably found him. He could tell himself that it would never happen, that he was too smart for him, but he was dumb enough to stay in one place, wasn’t he? For Hawke. Because the rogue kept insisting they should stick together and in truth, he kind of liked being part of a group for awhile.

For the most part he still felt two steps ahead of his master, but on many nights just like this one, his mind tormented him with the truth that it was only a matter of time before he was caught. The elf drew in a slow, shaky breath and reached down by the floor without looking for the wine, forgetting that he’d already knocked it over, and just let his hand dangle there when he couldn’t reach it.

\---

Like the night before, he didn’t enter the room. He was curious, but not enough to put himself in danger. Even if the warrior wouldn’t do anything to him in this form, he didn’t feel safe in his presence. He never did. With the others, he was fine, but alone… He avoided being alone with him.

As such, he sat down at the threshold, catching sight of the miserable looking elf. If he could, he would have frowned, seeing that he was intruding on something private. Sure, he would have been intruding no matter what, but seeing the normally stoic looking elf looking lost in what seemed to be despair, he realized he shouldn’t have come. He almost felt guilty, knowing that he would skin him alive if he knew that he’d seen him at a such a moment.

This had been a stupid idea and deciding to leave him to his thoughts, he rose up, gave a stretch, and turned back the way he came.

\---

When he finally leaned down from his chair to grab the bottle, he shook it and frowned to see it was empty. Movement caught his eye and he looked to the doorway, seeing the cat from the night before walking down the hall. “Argori?” His voice was unsteady in a way it had never been when he was with the others. He stretched his hand out toward him beckoning, as he had the night before. He was still sporting the scratches from the swipe he’d earned for it, as well as the broken glass he’d cleared. “You came back. Are you hungry?” The cat was something to think about besides Danarius at least.

\---

The voice made him pause and turned back to see him through the doorway, reaching in his direction. He hesitated, but he’d been seen and summoned, so he slowly approaching the threshold once more. He stopped there, still somewhat frightened of him, but not like he had been yesterday. He’d come knowing that he might be here, after all. His tail flicked and he meowed, his amber eyes fixed on the outstretched hand. It did draw him, wanting to sniff it, but while he was wary, he held back, waiting to see what he would do.

\---

“Must be hungry if you’re back.” He mumbled mostly to himself as he rose out of his chair. He staggered on his feet, but held his head until the room stopped spinning before he started walking slowly to the pantry. “No chicken tonight, argori. But what I have is better than nothing.” His stores mostly contained rice and dried vegetables, as well as a handful of apples. But he always kept some salted meat on hand and he pulled out a couple strips of beef and pork now. It was far from the juicy, succulent chicken he’d had the night before, but it was tasty and it gave him the energy he needed when they had work to do. He set them down on the floor, then backed up several steps before he sat down, or dropped down on his rear in an ungraceful heap, giving the cat room to investigate. “Go on, see if you like it.”

\---

He watched the way he moved, clearly drunk, but that was of little surprise. There were always wine bottles sprinkled around here when he stopped by and whenever they ended up at the Hanged Man the same night, he’d seen him pack away drink after drink with no effort. Taking into consideration the mood he seemed to be in, he imagined he was rather more drunk than he’d ever seen him before.

He perked when he caught the scent of what he pulled out and when it was set down, he was itching to approach. The space he was offered helped and he stepped into the room slowly, looking between the meat and the warrior. When he got close enough, he crouched down and started chewing on it eagerly, purring as he had with the chicken. In the light of the fire, his form was much easier to see and it was plain that he was hungry cat for a reason.

\---

“H’la, H’la.” He tsked his disapproval when he saw the frame of the cat properly. “Much too skinny. I don’t know how, this city is crawling with rats.” But he was pleased to see the cat was accepting his offering at least. “Still hungry?” He asked when the cat was working through the last strip of meat, as if he expected it could answer.

\---

He looked up when he spoke and stopped chewing long enough to meow, then returned back to it. He finished what he had and then fixed him in his gaze. His tail flicked as he watched him with interest, taking a couple of careful steps closer to him, but remaining out of reach. Unlike the night before, there was no limp in his step. He’d taken care of the glass and healed the wound, so the paw was a good as new.

\---

He noticed the steady walk and frowned down to his paw. It had been hurt the night before. Perhaps he’d gotten the glass out of it and that was enough to take away his limp. He was still as the cat moved closer, not reaching out to him again as he had before. “I bet you’re still hungry.”

\---

It was bizarre hearing him speak to him without derision in his tone, but it made him feel better about being so near him. He was still hungry, but what he’d been given would help to curb the pangs in his stomach. He gradually closed the distance between them and when he was close enough to touch, his eyes fixed on his leg in front of him and he sniffed it. His scent was distinct and as a human he never would have noticed it, but like this it was as apparent as the lines on his skin and it seemed fitting.

\---

Rather than try to touch him, Fenris simply offered his hand to the cat to investigate. “How about a little more beef? You could use a little more meat on your bones.” He knew he shouldn’t be feeding the cat. It would keep coming back to this miserable place for more. But he had enough to share and this really was a welcome distraction to the night he’d been having.

\---

He shifted back slightly when the hand moved toward him, but when it was held there, he leaned in and began to sniff at it. When he’d thoroughly examined him, his head shifted towards the hand and he rubbed against it, the idea of more meat making him eager. He meowed and pressed himself against his hand, his instincts kicking in as they tended to with anyone that was paying him any mind in this form.

\---

The corners of his lips turned up just slightly when the cat nudged him. He stroked his fingers softly over his head, pausing to scratch him behind the ears. This was much better than the scared creature he’d met the night before. After he’d taken a moment to pet him, he slowly pushed himself back to his feet and started for the pantry again.

\---

He began to purr as soon as the fingers scratched him and he laid down in front of him, pressing into the attention. When the hand moved away, he gave another meow, this time in complaint, his eyes lifting to follow him. He saw him going to his pantry and he hopped on his feet, padding after him to wind around his legs as he dug for more food.

\---

He looked down to see the cat winding around his legs and snorted. A little food and a scratch behind the ears and suddenly he had a friend. He took out several more pieces of salted beef and moved back to where he’d been sitting, careful not to trip on the stray, and set the meat out in front of him. “Have as much as you like.”

\---

If this charity had been offered to him as a human, he would have refused. As a cat, he didn’t have such qualms so as soon as the food was laid down, he dug into it. His purring grew louder as he feasted, these strips of meat being the most he’d eaten all day. He’d had a little bread and broth in the morning and some tea in the tavern, but that was it. He’d intended on a simple meal when he got back, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as good as this was. He was rarely able to indulge in meat, usually only when he went on a job out of town with the rest of them.

\---

He let the cat enjoy his meal, watching him with a thoughtful gaze. He was wondering how it had gotten here in the first place. What would have prompted it to jump in the window. Not that it mattered. It was just something pleasant to busy his mind with. Eventually he reached out again, gingerly stroking his hand over the cat’s back as it ate.

\---

The stroke over his back made his rear perk, but did not distract him from his task. He finished off what he’d been given and only then did he shift his attention to the hand. He licked at his fingers, his rough tongue brushing over the lines of lyrium that ran down the middle of them. This only lasted a few seconds, before he was back to rubbing his cheek against him.

\---

“There. Now you’re not such a hungry little wanderer.” He let him lick his fingers clean, then resumed petting him. He scratched along his cheeks, beneath his chin, down his back. He was surprised by just how relaxing it was. He’d never really spent much time simply interacting with an animal and he wouldn’t have guessed how it would ease some of the tension within him simply to pet the stray that had visited.

\---

It wasn’t often that he used this form, especially around people, so the attention was a treat that had him purring loudly, his chest vibrating hard. He flopped onto his side and stretched his legs out in front of him, looking rather content. For as frightened as he’d been the other night, he felt right at home with Fenris, of all people, spoiling him with food and pets.

\---

It was nice, putting him at ease in a way that usually only drinking himself beyond conscious thought did. Eventually, he found himself craving his chair again, wanting to lean back and rest his eyes. He wouldn’t sleep again, but he would rest. “Let’s go sit in my chair, cat.” He shifted back to his feet, groaning with a stretch then started back toward his chair, patting his leg to beckon the stray to follow.

\---

He rolled to his back when he got up, looking up at him and watching him move away. The pat had him flipping around to his feet and following after him. When the warrior sat, he lowered to his haunches in front of him, considering hopping up onto his lap. The desire was clear in his gaze, but his tail flicked back and forth as he looked up at him, his weight shifting as if he was going to any moment.

\---

“Havad, argori.” Fenris said with a slight smirk when he looked down at the cat, poised to jump up to his lap. He patted his leg to confirm in more cat friendly language, that he was to go on and do it. He wouldn’t have imagined the night sitting by the fire with a cat curled on his lap, but it was a pleasant alternative to waking with an ever-present hangover.

\---

The pat made it too tempting and he jumped up, landing nimbly into his lap. He looked up at him, circling around his thighs, before seeming to find a comfortable spot to curl up. His purring has softened, but was still going as he took in the warmth of being so close to someone else.

\---

Fenris leaned back in his chair, listening to the soft crackle of the fire which was perfectly accompanied by the soft purring from the creature in his lap. He closed his eyes, his fingers absently stroking over the cat’s back once it was settled. His fingers were especially gentle over the bare spots on its back - likely the result of a bad encounter with another animal or perhaps getting caught in some trap.

\---

His eyes shut and his head tucked against his paws. After enough time, the purring faded and he fell into a light slumber, which was the last thing he’d expected in coming here. Maybe a little food, a scratch, if the warrior was feeling generous, but nothing more than that.

\---

Fenris kept up the slow stroking for some time, but eventually his hand fell still in his fur. His eyes were closed and his face was serene. He would have appeared to be asleep, if not for the way that every little sound on the street nearby had his eyes cracking open again. But he was relaxed and this rest would likely be better for him than the uneasy sleep he’d gotten the night before.

\---

After some time, he woke from his nap, head lifting as he blinked. It was time to go. He hopped down from his lap, landing lightly on his feet and them out in front of him. He looked up at the warrior, unsure if he was awake, but intending on slipping out unnoticed if so.

\---

His eyes fluttered open when the comfortable weight left his lap and fell on the cat on the floor. “Off to your next adventure?” He closed his eyes again, looking rather peaceful in his chair compared to the way the cat had found him earlier that night. “Vitae benefaria.”

\---                                                                                                                                                                          

Since it seemed he was given a farewell, he meowed in response. He could see the dramatic difference in him and, satisfied that they’d both benefited from the visit, he didn’t feel as guilty about having walked in on him having a rough time. He took his leave, padding out of the room and back to the window. It was late now, but he didn’t feel as concerned about who he might meet on the street. Sticking to dark alleys, he made his way back to Darktown and the stiff cot that awaited him.

\---

He heard the cat make his way out into the hallway and let himself slip into the light doze again to replenish his energy. Solitude was his intention when he had skipped out on cards that night, but he was glad to have been paid a visit by the wandering feline. Perhaps he’d visit again. In the morning, perhaps he’d pick up a little extra meat for him, just in case.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a good rule of thumb that any job that involved helping mages or apostates needed to be done without Fenris, but sometimes that just wasn’t possible. Sometimes he was the only warrior available and with some convincing from Hawke, he usually could be convinced to tag along. He didn’t like it, he made that very clear to everyone within earshot - unfortunately for Anders, being a key player in the mage underground and all, that usually meant him.

Which usually meant a fight.

It didn’t help that Isabela had goaded them on, loudly telling Hawke to let them have their spat she could watch them kiss and make up after they were done.

By the time they were done, Anders was fuming. The stupid warrior was impossible. _Impossible._ He didn’t understand why he bothered to come at all if it was just going to get his knickers in a bunch. It was completely voluntary, no one was forcing him, so _why bother_?! If he didn’t know better, he’d almost think Fenris chose to tag along just for the opportunity to give him a hard time. These were actual people they were helping and all he could think to do was whip out his snide, ignorant comments.

There was not a compassionate bone in his body, was there?

Of course, that wasn’t _entirely_ true. Anders had witnessed how he could be around those he deemed worthwhile. It just so happened he did not fall on that particular list and he knew the Void would take him before that would change. There was nothing Anders could do, short of taking the Rite of Tranquility to rid himself of his magic, that would make Fenris give him the time of day. Even then, he doubted he would. Not while he was in this form.

As a cat, Fenris seemed to think he was just dandy. His sneered, imagining his expression if he knew just who the creature that visited him was. Not that he’d gone since last time. Upon reflection, he realized how weird the whole thing had been and decided that it would be best not to return. That had been days ago. It was almost hard to reconcile that the man whose lap he’d laid on, whose fingers had stroked his back, was the same one that had looked about ready to wring his neck for _daring_ to defend his kind.

The more he thought about it, the more it bothered him. It wasn’t shocking that he didn’t mind him as a cat; the only thing Fenris hated was mages. Mages and slavers, but mostly mages. No amount of good done by mages would ever change his mind. He’d seen a glimpse of the amicability he was capable of and the fact that he would never see it as himself, that Fenris couldn’t even bother to scrape together a bare minimum of decency towards him kind of hurt.

...Not that he cared what that bigot thought of him.

He wasn’t sure why he was heading to Hightown. He’d walked into his clinic, paced for a while, then walked back out. It was wrong. It was deceitful. He’d already seen how intrusive it was. If Fenris knew, he would have his head. There was a reason he’d decided not to go back, but he was tired. He was so tired of all the fighting and some part of him wanted the angry expression that had burned into his mind to be replaced with the serene one he glimpsed before. If for no other reason, then so he didn’t have to feel so angry himself.

When he arrived, he found the mansion empty. The fire was out and there was no hint of the warrior. It seemed to be a sign, but rather than heed it, he decided that he’d already come this far. He might as well see it through. He hopped onto the chair in front of the empty fireplace and curled up, his eyes fixing on nothing as he waited for him to return. If he even would tonight.

\---

Fenris was also fuming when he returned from the mission. An entire day had been wasted helping mages. Blood mages, he had no doubt. But at least the coin was decent, so he’d set the majority aside for when he would someday have to flee and used the remainder for a proper, warm dinner. He was carrying the fragrant bag of food when he slipped back into his manor. He did not immediately see his visitor, walking on back side of his chair, as he moved to his table and started setting up his meal.

\---

He didn’t end up waiting long, his head lifting at the sound of the front door opening. When he stepped into the room and Anders caught sight of him, a flare of irritation return. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had a thought to claw the shit out of him, but that wasn’t why he was here. That was the opposite of why he was here.  

When he wasn’t noticed, he rose to his feet and pressed his front pays to the arm of the chair, giving himself a better view of him and what he was doing. Whatever he had smelled good and his stomach gave a rumble. He hopped onto the arm of the chair and from there the back, giving him high ground that made near as tall as the elf when he sat on his haunches. There, he meowed.

\---

His eyes rose from his work when he heard the meow and a slight smirk pulled at his lips. “Argori! I wasn’t expecting another visit.” The elf went to the chair, reaching out a cautious hand to stroke him. Cautious in case the cat decided they were not friends this evening and he was going to be swatted. He knew enough of cats to know how fickle they could be.

\---

It truly was tempting, but he stayed himself and allowed the hand to stroke unscathed. He lifted a paw to his mouth and gave it a few licks, then brought it in to rub the side of his face. He repeated this and when it seemed his face was clean, he hopped down to the ground. He slid past his legs, brushing them, as he made his way over to the table where he could smell the source of the food.

\---

“Why don’t you join me for dinner?” Fenris actually chuckled a little for the first time in a long time and followed the cat to the table. He had roast duck and vegetables packed up from the cook he visited and he finished unpacking it, patting the table for the cat to jump up and join him. “Do you like duck?” He asked, tearing off a generous chunk of meat and setting it on the table beside his plate.

\---

He hopped up onto the table, crouching beside the plate where the meat had been placed. How often did the warrior indulge in such meals and where did he get them? He didn’t hesitate to start in on it, eating hungrily. It tasted incredible and he couldn’t help but purr as he always did when he was fed in this form.

\---

Fenris was pleased to see the animal indulge in his dinner and he tore more meat off of the bones for him. Eventually he’d piled up enough duck for his guest that the cat would have just as much as he would for himself. He had the vegetables to help fill him up, there was no reason he couldn’t be generous. “Benefaris, argori.”

\---

Each time he added more, he was surprised. He scarfed it all down happily and by the time he finished his share, he wasn’t feeling nearly as prickly. He licked his muzzle and moved in to rub himself against his arm, his head falling against it. He pulled away, circled around, and moved back in, repeating the motion.

\---

Fenris had finished his vegetables and was sucking the last of the meat off the duck bones when the cat began to shower him in attention. He gave it a little smile, as rare as the chuckle he’d had earlier, and pushed his plate aside. “Surely you have somewhere better to be? This place is miserable.” He ran his fingers through the stray’s fur a few times, then his fingers pressed in a little to measure the narrow hips of him. “But then, you still need more meat on your bones. So perhaps you don’t. You’re welcome to dine with me when you like.” As if the cat would understand him.

\---

It was pretty miserable. No doubt thanks in part to the warrior himself - it wasn’t as if he bothered to take care of it. He knew better than to think that the scene he’d walked into last time was an isolated incident. He meowed when his hips were squeezed, his tail shifting about, and slipped away from the touch. He moved closer to his plate and sniffed at it, smelling the juices that were left behind and licking it eagerly.

\---

“Are you still hungry?” He rose to his feet and went to his pantry, grabbing a couple strips of salted pork. He set them down on his plate for the cat and sat down again. “There, h’la argori. It’s good for you.”

\---

He dug in as soon as it was place in front of him. On top of what he’d already had, it filled him up and when he’d cleared the plate, he flopped to his side next to it, looking up at the warrior. He paws batted at it, making it slide towards the edge of the table, about to fall off and into his lap.

\---

“Must be done then.” He took the plate and moved it to the pile of few dishes he kept and washed and hadn’t broken in a drunken rage. He moved back to the table then, looking down at the cat and patting his side. “If you start becoming a regular guest, perhaps I’ll try to find some milk for you. I think you’d like that.”

\---

When the plate was moved away, he stretched and began to clean his around his muzzle and face once more. He _mrrped_ in response to his words, though it could have easily been to the pats. He ended up rolling onto his back, his feet curling in air, looking up at him playfully.

\---

Knowing better than to try to touch the offered belly, he scratched the top of the cat’s head instead. “I don’t have anything for you to play with, I’m afraid.” He moved to the fireplace then, lighting the tinder to get a fire going to warm the cold, dark living area.

\---

He watched him go and then rolled to his stomach. Jumping from the table, he followed after him. Since he was busy trying to get the fire started, he hopped back onto the chair and sat back on his haunches, observing him idly. It really was such a dramatic difference, experiencing such kindness from someone who wouldn’t lift a finger to stop him from drowning unless the others were nearby to chide him.

\---

The elf turned to his chair once the fireplace was lit and saw the cat had taken his seat. It wasn’t like him to go to his chair without a bottle of booze in hand, but he didn’t even think of it as he moved to lift the cat, then lowered into his seat and set him on his lap. “Just because I give you my food, it doesn’t mean you can have my chair. It’s one of the only ones that the moths didn’t eat and I haven’t broken.”

\---

He didn’t mind being picked up and when he was set back down, he rose onto two feet, pressing his paws against his chest and giving his jaw a brush with his cheek. He started to knead his paws against the hard plate, but was displeased by the lack of give he felt. He dropped back down and circled on his lap, his tail tickling under his chin as it passed by.

\---

“You’re quite sweet. You must have been around people at some point.” He scratched along the back of the cat’s neck, giving him plenty of attention in return. “Maybe I can find a home for you.”

\---

With a _mrow_ , he plopped down into his lap, but it seemed he was still feeling playful because he rolled onto his back, as before, and started swatting at his fingers. He was conscious enough not to use his claws, but sometimes instinct got the better of him and they came out regardless.

\---

He humored him, teasing him with his fingers and not seeming to mind when the claws caught him once in awhile. He got past the swatting paws once in awhile, tickling at his sides and beneath his chin. It was the relaxing, much in the way petting him until he fell asleep had been relaxing earlier that week.

\---

The tickling fingers brought his back feet into play and he wriggled around on his lap until he finally got hold of one of his fingers and drew it to his mouth. There he nibbled on it and when he’d tenderized the flesh enough, he licked at the tip of it, over the line of lyrium that ran down it. He didn’t even notice that his effort was focused there, even as the licks turned into an almost suckling.

\---

He snorted in amusement when the cat latched onto his finger. It still probably tasted like duck. He fell still rather than use the other hand to keep up the play. Clearly the cat had been through a lot, as evidenced by the scars on his back, and if suckling on his fingertip brought him a little comfort, he was be still and allow it.

\---

His eyes fell shut as the rumbling in his chest became as loud as it ever got. He continued to suckle, his teeth occasionally nipping as he adjusted to doing he’d never had before in this form. It lasted for several minutes and only when he’d worn the finger raw did he let go.

\---

When he released his finger, Fenris kept it close to his mouth, using the other hand to start petting him again. His muscles were aching after the mission they’d done that day, but petting him was easing his tension and he rested his head against the back of his chair, staring serenely off into the fire.

\---

He rolled to his side, getting comfortable. With the hand so close, all it took was a slight shift to be resting his head against it, using it as a pillow. His purring hadn’t quieted and the vibrations ran through him steadily, showing just how content he was. It’d been a long time since he’d been so close to anyone in any form and he’d stopped analyzing that it was Fenris. This was why he’d come - they’d made some form of peace, even if he’d never know it.

\---

The rolling purring was as comforting as the heat finally touching his skin now that the fire had been going for awhile. He closed his eyes, realizing he could easily fall asleep like this again. It was probably before for his back than his poor excuse for a bed anyway. He wanted a drink, but not badly enough to move the cat and get up for one. He could go just one night without.


	4. Chapter 4

The following few weeks were unusually pleasant. Fenris’ wandering little visitor had come by most every night and he was always pleased to see him. Most nights the cat roamed in long after dark, but once in awhile, he’d come home after a long mission and find him curled up in his chair waiting for his dinner and attention. For the first week, he continued to share his food stores and his own dinners, but when his new friend seemed to be a regular meal companion, he began to buy fresh fish from the market so the stray could have his own dinner. He’d also gotten him some milk and a saucer, as he’d promised. Watching the cat enjoy these treats was rewarding in a way he hadn’t expected and he found himself worrying about what he’d feed the animal on any given night more than what he was going to eat.

He’d also grown very used to falling asleep or resting his body to the soft purr and a hand buried in soft russet fur. Once in awhile he actually went to bed and let the cat curl up beside him. But most nights he was content to dose in his chair by the fire, the stray purring away in his lap as he drifted off. There had only been a few nights that his new friend had been absent and it had been harder to relax enough to rest. The wine helped, as it always had. He found himself still drinking almost nightly, usually buzzed by the time his companion arrived. But not drinking himself into a stupor for a change. Only a couple nights beyond the ones without the stray had been bad and the company had helped as much as the copious amount of alcohol to calm him. More often over the last week, he was too busy getting food for the cat or buying feathers and twine to entertain him to drink and he’d actually been entirely sober more nights than he’d been drunk for the first time in a long time.

When invited to go out on a mission to get rid of some highwaymen Aveline had gotten a glimpse of on patrol, Fenris was not terribly surprised to find a mage hiding amongst them. His armor had protected him from the worst of the burns but his legs had taken the brunt of it and he’d limped most of the way home. As always, he got an earful from Hawke about going to Anders to be healed and as always, Fenris had blown him off with grumbles under his breath about mages. But he hadn’t been nearly as crass about it as he usually was. He insisted he was fine and when Isabela tested how fine he was by asking him to go to the Hanged Man, he’d agreed. After all, the healer would likely be there. He could have a couple drinks, toss Anders some coin for a burn salve, then go home for the night and wait for his visitor.

He wasn’t interested in playing cards that night, but appeased the others by betting some money on Varric to win and sitting at the table with them while they played. He was a few cups deep, nursing the awful, stale ale that the tavern served but enjoying the company of his companions. The others joked about the minimal griping he’d done about the mage bandit and he just huffed and rolled his eyes. Perhaps he was in a slightly better mood than usual or perhaps he was just tired of listening to himself bitch about for once.

\---

He hadn’t gone to the Hanged Man in weeks and tonight, he was running late. He was due to drop in and he wanted to particularly because he hadn’t accompanied them on their mission earlier. As the only healer they had, it was rare he was left behind, but it happened and it made him anxious every time. What if someone was gravely injured and he wasn’t there to help? As it grew late in the day, he knew it mustn’t be the case or they would have been bursting into the clinic as soon as they got back, but he would feel better when he could see all of them with his own eyes and make sure they were okay.

As it happened, his plans had gone awry and he’d spent the last several hours helping an elven woman give birth. The time to head out had been just as the babe had crowned and the aftercare took longer still. By the time he’d finished up, it had been tempting to just stay and pass out, exhausted as he was, but his concern for his companions won out over his concern for himself. It always did.

He showed up over an hour late, pleasantly surprised to see that everyone was there as he made his way up the stairs to Varric’s private room. There was one face in particular that he wasn’t so thrilled to see, but after weeks of spending night after night with him, he was beginning to warm up to him. Somewhat. Just as Fenris - unknowingly - saw him as two different creatures and reacted accordingly, he’d taken to doing the same. The man he was when he was a cat was different from the man he was when he was human and he far preferred the former to the latter.

Unfortunately for him, with so many chairs taken, the only open seat was across from him, but he took it without complaint. He was ribbed for being late, but he responded with a satisfied shrug, “Be glad I’m here at all, the babe I just helped birth was a stubborn one.”

Merrill gasped at that, asking who it was since she lived in the Alienage and knew of the elven woman that had been waddling around ready to burst. He was always guarded and unnecessarily cool with her, but he answered her questions with a slight smile, the subject bridging them briefly. After explaining that it’d been a healthy boy with all ten fingers and toes and perfectly pointed ears, the topic changed as he was offered to be dealt in.

“Not tonight. I just came by to check on everyone. How did it go?”

\---

Fenris normally would have scowled at the man for sitting so close to him, even if there were no other open seats, but he only gave the mage an indifferent glance. He was more interested in watching the game to see if he’d be making his coin back. He’d wait until the healer was on his way out and ask to buy the salve.

Isabela smirked wickedly at Anders over her cards. “Can’t you check on us while you play? You just brought a new life into the world. All the more reason to celebrate with us.” But she knew better than to think she could talk the healer into a drink, she’d been trying for ages, so she answered his question. “It went just fine. We were a little surprised by one of the bandits started flinging fireballs around, but it was nothing we couldn’t handle. Our favorite tattooed elf got a little singed though, limped all the way home. But his pants burned through a little, which made for a pleasant view for the rest of us.”

Fenris snorted and took another sip of his drink. Under normal circumstances he may have taken a moment to dig into Anders about mages robbing people blind on the road, but he didn’t take the opportunity for once. He was fine and it wasn’t like the healer would listen to him anyway.

\---

“All the more reason to crawl into Varric’s bed and pass out, more like,” he smirked back at her. He gave the bed itself a wistful glance, as if wishing he could. It did look pretty nice, actually; it was thick with furs and was a considerable upgrade from the hard cot waiting for him at home.

That earned a lifted brow from the dwarf. “Oh no you don’t, Blondie. That bed is for me and my girl Bianca alone.”

“You would sleep with that crossbow beside you, wouldn’t you?” he laughed, his eyes dragging back to Isabela. He rested his cheek against a hand and his gaze flicked to Fenris when he was mentioned among the injured, but he wasn’t surprised. Were he anyone else, he would have offered to heal him right there, but he knew better than to bother. He held his tongue and turned his attention back to Isabela. “Color me relieved I didn’t go then, I’d not rather see anyone’s ass hanging out, thank you.”

Of course with Isabela, her ass was always hanging out. Truthfully, it wasn’t a view he minded and his cheeky smile said as much.

\---

“To each their own.” Isabela gave him a little smirk in return.

Fenris stayed long enough to watch himself lose his gold to the pirate slut, as usual, and finished the dregs of his ale before rising from the table. “I’m going to head home. Do you have a burn salve I can buy from you, mage?” He asked Anders, though his tone lacked its usual venom. It wasn’t especially warm, but he spoke to him as he may have spoken to anyone else at the table for once.

\---

Assured that everyone else was fine, he didn’t intend on staying long. When Isabela was declared victor, he was about to push his chair back and announce his departure, but the warrior beat him to it. He paused, deciding to stay long enough to give him time to take his exit so they wouldn’t be leaving at the same time.

Then he was addressed and he blinked up at him as if confused by the simple question. The table went oddly quiet and he glanced over to see the the were being watched - probably in anticipation of an argument to break out. Even from such an innocuous question, anything was possible with them and they knew it.

“Uh, not on me. I do at the clinic… if you want to stop by…” The offer was uncertain, sure that he’d somehow manage to take it as a slight.

\---

“When can I come by for one?” He frowned to find that he didn’t have one on hand, but he’d walked plenty on his burnt leg already today. He could walk a little further. He could feel the tension in the room with all the other eyes on them, waiting to break up whatever bickering may be about to start. But he was in no mood to bicker. He just wanted to get home.

\---

He was waiting for a sneer or a glare, but when he wasn’t given one, he relaxed. Somewhat. “I was just about to leave myself. If you want to come with me, we’ll get one for you.” Little as he could stand him, he didn’t want him to be injured and he would prefer to get him the salve as soon as possible. It’d be easier if he’d just let him heal him and be done with it, but a civil request for some salve was the best he could hope for in that regard.

\---

“Let’s go then.” He didn’t wait for him to join him, trusting that he wouldn’t be long. He waved to the others, ignored the flirty assurance from Isabela that they could both come back later if they got lonely, and started out. He’d wait outside the tavern if the mage wasn’t right on his heels, ready for some fresh air and quiet now that he’d fulfilled his social obligation.

\---

Anders lingered long enough to give them an ‘am I the only one that saw that?’ look and to see Hawke slide his arm around Isabela’s waist and tug her in, telling her that she’d be too busy tonight to entertain anyone else. He got up, bid everyone farewell, and trailed after the elf. When he got outside, he saw him waiting for him and without saying anything, he started toward Darktown, keeping a considerable distance between them.

As much time as he spent with him, he was still anxious about being alone with him and Justice took the opportunity to assure him that he wasn’t alone and that the warrior wouldn’t lay a finger on him if he had anything to say about it.

\---

Fenris was perfectly content with the amount of space between them, walking along as if they weren't actually going anywhere together, but were strangers who happened to be going in the same direction. The silence was equally comfortable and it wasn't until they actually reached Darktown that he broke it. “...Do you have any bells, mage? Or know anyone that sells them?”

\---

The walk ended up being companionable enough, but he was somewhat startled when the silence was broken. He looked over at him, his expression somewhat confused. “Bells? Why do you need bells?” It was an odd request and he couldn’t imagine what use he had for them, unless he was thinking of using them as some kind of alarm system in his mansion.

\---

It was right on the tip of his tongue to snap at Anders that it was none of his damn business. It really wasn’t, but then Anders might want the cat, so it wouldn’t hurt to mention it. “Making something for a stray cat that’s been hanging around until I find a home for him. Do you have any or not?” He folded his arms as he walked, already on the defensive as he prepared for the mage to tease him for it.

\---

His barely held in a snort, finding it incredibly surreal that he was asking him for something that he intended on turning around and give him. “Oh, you found a stray cat?” His tone wasn’t particularly convincing that it was a surprise, but he quickly moved on. “I can’t say that I do, but I’m surprised you’d bother…” That was the truth. The way Fenris had started doting on him, bringing him food and making him toys, continually surprised him, especially since he intended on ‘giving him away’. He was probing a little, since he couldn’t exactly speak to him in that form and all he had to go on was what the warrior volunteered, which, admittedly, was considerably more than he ever heard from him like this.

\---

“The stray found me. I’m just doing what I can for him until he finds a good home.” Though deep down, he knew he’d miss the cat it if quit coming around. But he knew it would be best for the cat to find a warm home with a nice family. Something better than his gloomy manor. He was limping a little more, the movement irritating his burn the further they went and he winced but said nothing about it.

\---

“That is kind of you,” he told him, his voice a little softer. He really did appreciate that he would go out of his way for a simple creature when he would’ve expected anything but. “I don’t have any bells, but if I come across any, I’ll let you know.” He noticed him wincing, but they were close to the clinic and it would only be a little longer. When they arrived, he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

As always, the place was as clean and organized as could be, all things considered. He’d cleaned up after the birth earlier and there was no sign that it had taken place. “Why don’t you sit down and let me take a look at your burns?” he suggested, gesturing to his work table, as he moved into the clinic to go to where he kept all of his potions and poultices. He plucked up a jar and carried it over to him.

\---

Fenris had gotten used to letting Anders look at and treat his wounds, traditionally anyway, so he didn’t argue. He lowered his pants and pulled off the shoddy bandaging job he’d done, not seeming to mind only having his smallclothes to keep him modest, and took a seat. One leg had clearly taken the brunt of the attack, badly burned from the middle of his thigh to just below his knee. The other leg had only caught a little heat on the top of his thigh while he’d jumped back from the spell.

\---

His expression was impassive as he revealed the wounds to him, unsurprised by the limping he’d seen. “Not very pretty,” he commented, unscrewing the lid of the jar and crouching in front of him. He scooped out a couple of fingerfuls of the salve and began to carefully apply it to the burns. “This should counter infection and provide some relief from the pain,” he informed him, speaking without thought to ease his patient’s concern.

\---

He drew in a hissing breath when the fingers first touched his burns, but he kept himself perfectly still and soon the salve was numbing the area. He watched him spread it onto his burns, knowing the mage would likely do a far better job of bandaging him once he was done too. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Only once had one of his wounds that he’d let Anders treat actually gotten infected and only because he’d let it go for so long before he’d agreed to see the mage in the first place. He knew the signs of infection well enough and he’d come back to give the healer another look if this salve didn’t do the trick to protect the wounds.

\---

He finished tending to him in silence, though he couldn’t help but marvel at civility of this exchange. He didn’t know what had gotten into him, but maybe he’d finally decided that the constant animosity wasn’t necessary. It was probably too asking for too much for that to be true, but he’d take what he could get while he could.

“You should be feeling back to normal in a few days,” he told him, closing the jar and offering it to him to take. “Oh, and I’m running low on jars, so if you have any empty ones sitting around your mansion, if you could get them back to me soon, I’d appreciate it.” He’d seen a couple laying around, so he knew that he at least had those.

He rose to his feet to grab some bandages and returned to carefully wrap his wounds. When all was said and done, his legs were looking a lot better and he went over to a basin to rinse off any remaining salve off his fingers.

\---

“Yeah, I’ll bring them.” He knew where he had a few that he’d rinsed out but hadn’t done anything with. “Plenty of empty bottles too if you have use for those, mage.” Definitely not for potions, but he figured they could be useful for rinsing wounds or storing larger batches of medicine. He rose to his feet, testing his weight on his leg and finding it far less tender, then pulled up his pants to put himself back together.

\---

He knew what kind of bottles he had and he turned to face him, crossing his arms over himself. “Just the jars are fine,” he told him, but paused as he had a thought. “...actually, no. I’ll take the bottles too.” He didn’t need them, but if he took them off his hands, it would prevent him from throwing them around and getting broken glass all over the mansion.

\---

“I’ll bring some of those too.” He rummaged for a couple coins, the price he’d made up for these medical services since Anders didn’t want to charge him, and held him out. “Let me know if you can think of anyone that wants a cat. Probably not the best mouser, but a very nice animal.”

\---

He took the coins from him and held them curled in his palm as he returned his arms to their fold. “Perhaps you ought to consider keeping him…” He suggested, since he didn’t particularly want to be ‘given away’. Even if Fenris did try to pawn him off on someone else, he’d just return to him, unless he made it clear that he was not wanted. “The people around here and more likely to eat a cat than keep it,” he went on, shrugging.

\---

“I wouldn’t let just anyone take him.” Fenris huffed defensively. The cat had become his faithful companion over the last few weeks after all. “I just think he can do better than the mess I live in. But if I don’t find anywhere for him before the nights start getting cold, I’ll just keep him.”

\---

“It’s only a mess because you allow it to be so. It’s been years, you could’ve fixed it up to be rather nice by now - what else are you spending your coin on?” The honesty was well-intended, the kind of thing he would say to a friend, but he was expecting him to get offended and storm out. All the better if he did, maybe he’d planted seed in his mind or maybe not, but it was getting late and he was tired.

\---

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, mage.” He glowered at him and shook his head. He actually had started to clean up a little. Mostly just the broken glass throughout the place so the cat wouldn’t cut his paws again. But since he was starting to feel better in the hours he was home, perhaps he would do a little more to fix it up. Perhaps. He turned to go then, having no more business with the healer until he was ready to return the jars to him.

\---

He waited until he was gone to move, tossing the coin onto a nearby table and going to the door to lock it behind him. He’d spent the last week visiting him and he’d even stayed until morning a couple times, so he decided that he would stay here tonight. He’d already saw him and took care of him, so tonight would be a good night to take a break. He’d see him tomorrow. Going to his cot, he all but collapsed on top of it, passing out only a minute after his head fell onto his pillow.

\---

Fenris walked home with less of a limp but wasn’t terribly surprised to find it empty. He’d been out later than usual and his friend had likely already come and gone. Still, he’d hoped he might be there. The cat came in late sometimes though and would wake him if he came in and was hungry. Fenris sat down in his chair and closed his eyes, deciding he’d rest his body and doze a little in the meantime.


	5. Chapter 5

Another week went by with his visits from his friend being fairly regular. He’d crafted toys for the cat, including a feather toy with the bell he’d been seeking and all in all, his demeanor had been a little brighter. Far from sunny, but brighter. But that changed on the day that they ran into a few slavers snooping around just outside of Kirkwall. Not terribly unusual, but Fenris could have sworn he’d heard one of them speak Tevene. They’d been dealt with and he knew he must be visibly rattled because he’d been asked multiple times on the way back if he was alright. He’d assured them that he was fine.

He was fine. For now, anyway. But if those men were from Tevinter, there was no doubt that they knew who he belonged to. Danarius, or someone who knew him, must have found out where he was hiding and they were closing in. He knew it was paranoid thinking, that they could have been just any slavers looking to pick poor men from Darktown and elves from the Alienage to sell. But deep in his mind, he felt like this was the beginning of the end for him. That his capture was near and life as he knew it, even _him_ as he knew himself, were soon to end. He’d be a naive slave again and he’d be lucky if he remembered this time of freedom only in his dreams.

He felt ill and he looked it. He was invited to cards, which he hastily declined, saying that he was tired and needed to go home and rest. Varric had offered to drop by and check on him later, but he insisted that he needed no one fussing over him. He was only tired. He’d glanced at the healer, considering briefly taking him aside and asking him for a sleeping draught. But that may only make things worse. His nightmares would likely be worse than all the dread he was having awake. Instead he just dismissed himself and headed back to his mansion for the night.

There was plenty of food in his stores, but he knew better than to try to get anything down. The only thing he would be stomaching in this state was wine. Enough to drown his thoughts until perhaps he could just spend the night staring off at nothing with a pleasantly blank mind. Sometimes it worked out that way, but tonight was not one of those nights.

Instead, the more he drank, the worse he felt about all of it. The more certain he was that Danarius’ men would come storming in any moment. Perhaps even the man himself, smirking and telling him how he’d missed his little wolf. He drank until he vomited, then immediately went back to drinking. By the time most people would be heading for bed, Fenris had tucked himself into a corner of his living area, sitting on the floor with his head hanging down and his legs splayed in front of him like a rag doll that had been tossed aside. He didn’t light the fireplace so the manor was cold and pitch dark. He’d been sitting there a long time, simply imagining everything that was going to happen once he was on a boat back to Tevinter. Eventually, he broke down again. Rather than vomit, he curled in on himself, burying his face in his hands and beginning to weep. He was praying softly in a rushed, slurred Tevene, asking the Maker to let him stay himself at least a little longer.

\---

Things had been strange with Fenris. Not in a bad way, but the mage was left confused by their interactions, minimal as they’d been. After taking care of his burns that night, the warrior had stopped by his clinic unexpectedly to drop off the jars and bottles he’d asked for. He’d been in and out, but not a barb had passed between them. Anders had thrown out the bottles and washed out the jars that evening, wondering what had gotten into him. Not that he was complaining, he knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth, but the sudden change unsettled him.

As a human, anyway.

As a cat, he was enjoying their growing friendship. The night Fenris had presented him with the feather toy, complete with a bell, he’d felt so touched by the gesture, knowing the effort he’d put into making it, that he’d stayed throughout the night ever since. It wasn’t hurting anyone to sleep in his lap or beside his pillow in his bed. It was a better rest than he got in his stiff cot and he always left early enough in the morning that he was there to open his clinic at the normal time.

The change, unsettling as it was, was a positive one, but when they were dragged out of their respective dwellings by Hawke that day, he couldn’t help but jab the dog, so to speak. He wanted to see what would happen if he baited him and he was surprised when the warrior didn’t take it. It made him feel like a bit of an ass, but the relief he saw on everyone’s faces had been reflected inside of him. He didn’t _want_ to be at ends with him anymore, especially not with the clandestine bond they were forming.

After the run in with the slavers, he studied him carefully. It was plain that he was worked up, deny it as he might, and it was no surprise that he didn’t want to join them that night. He was concerned for him, but the warrior was off and tempted as he was to go after him, he had to stop by the clinic to make sure nothing serious happened while he’d been gone. He’d ducked out after the warrior did, promising that he’d try and stop in next time before heading back to Darktown.

It ended up being a good decision, because there had been an accident in one of many tunnels that ran beneath the city and he arrived he found several victims of the collapse waiting - dying - outside of his front door. He’d rushed into action, but for one of them he was too late and drained as he was from the fight with the slavers, he hadn’t been able to treat him properly in time. It was something he always took rather hard, especially as it was almost always a matter of circumstance when he failed his patients, but he pushed passed it to take care of the others.

By the time he was sending them on their way, the body given to the grieving father of the man that had passed, it was late and he was running on fumes. He was a wreck, physically and emotionally, and when he extinguished the lantern outside the clinic, all he could think about was Fenris and so he locked up and headed out.

In all of the excitement of what had happened, he’d forgotten the note they’d parted on and so when he entered the mansion to find the elf sitting in the corner of the room in the dark, he was taken aback. He approached him slowly, becoming aware of his weeping as he drew near and whatever heaviness had been weighing him down was set aside. He watched him for a time, before slipping onto his lap and looking up at the hands hiding his face. He began to purr, leaning up and brushing his cheek against them, a gentle attempt at comfort.

\---

The familiar weight crawling into his lap startled him a little. He hadn’t really expected his visitor, but then he also had no idea what time it was. It felt like the night had lasted an eternity and it would be dawn any moment, but it really wasn’t that late. He moved a shaking hand down to stroke the fur of the cat who had greeted him, though he met him with a harsh sob rather than the smile he’d been greeting the cat with lately. “Bahr urad aridad, argori.” His Tevene was slurred enough to be very hard to understand even if the cat knew the language. But he was telling the animal that he didn’t want to run. If they weren’t Danarius’ men, he’d expose himself by fleeing what had been a safe haven for a long time now. If Danarius did know where he was...well, he didn’t want to run in that case either. There was nowhere to go. He was tired of running and this town actually felt a little like home for once. His breath smelled heavily of sweet wine and he continued to sob his woes to the stray.

\---

He continued to purr, lifting himself up and pressing his paws to his chest to wipe away the tears on his cheek with his own. He licked at the skin, cleaning away what saltiness was left behind with a rough tongue. His tail swayed in the air behind him and when he’d mostly cleaned that cheek, he dropped down to rub his shoulder against his front.

\---

The abundance of affection made his words slow and eventually even his weeping softened. He lowered both hands to stroke and scratch the cat, his sobs quieting to hitching breaths. “You’re too sweet for your own good, argori.” He murmured his first words in their common tongue since his arrival and kissed the top of the stray’s head.

\---

He gave a soft _mrow_ in response to his words, bracing himself against his chest once more to bump their noses together. He began to lick the other cheek, rubbing it raw with his tongue. When it was red with irritation, he drew back to try and to climb up a little, wanting to curl up into his arms.

\---

Fenris let the cat lick his other cheek clean of tears and in that time, he calmed further. As he climbed up his chest, he drew his arms in to cradle him and buried his face in the soft fur. He felt sick and his head was spinning, but his visitor was a hint of normalcy in an otherwise jarring night.

\---

With the arms supporting him, he tucked his feet beneath himself and rested his head against his shoulder. He could feel his warm breaths in his fur and something about being so close to him helped to soothe him as well. It eased his own sorrow, but as much as he treasured this simple companionship, some part of him wished he could change back and that they would still find comfort in each other.

He knew better.

\---

“Argori, I’m glad you came tonight.” He murmured into the fur, his words still terribly slurred. He still wept softly and part of him wanted to try to crawl to the nearest bottle of wine, but he couldn’t bring himself to let go of the cat. Not while the warmth and the vibration of his purring kept him grounded from the fears that had been running away with him.

\---

He was glad he did too and he wished that he could have come sooner, but more would have died than already had and he didn’t regret it. He just didn’t like that he’d been left here by himself for so long while he was so worked up. If only Fenris hadn’t pushed everyone away - they’d all been concerned about him, but he’d insisted that he was fine and they’d let it go. Anders understood, he always did the same in his position, but he couldn’t help but feel like their situations were different and whatever was bothering him, Fenris could use a friend to talk to.

\---

Just as much as he’d wanted to get another drink, he now wished he could get to his chair. But he knew he was too drunk and he’d likely hurt the cat when he inevitably fell on his face. So he just curled up in the corner to get a little more comfortable, his face still buried against the cat he cradled. “I think you should stay with me. I’ll find someone to look after you if Danarius finds me. But otherwise, I think you should stay with me. Would you like that?”

\---

He made a sound, not quite a meow, answering the question. His head nuzzled against his shoulder, cheek working against it, before he stilled. His eyes shut and he purred deeply, the rumbling running all throughout him and into the arms holding him. It warmed him that he wanted him and he knew that for as long as they were both in Kirkwall, he’d be his cat. He wanted to be his cat.

\---

He could feel how comfortable the animal was in his arms and he was able to draw his own comfort from it. “I couldn’t tell if those men were speaking Tevene. Even if they were, they might not be from him.” He confided into the cat’s fur, needing to talk out his anxieties. “It’s not like I haven’t killed his men before, anyway. They’re not going to take me alive.”

\---

That explained a lot about what happened earlier and he wished that he could speak and offer him some assurance. It was undoubtedly for the best that he couldn’t, though, knowing better than to think he would be offering this to anyone that would understand him. He would not reveal these vulnerabilities up to any of them and that was why he was spilling so readily to a cat. He remained as he was, giving him the ear he needed to release everything weighing him down.

\---

“I could survive the pain and the humiliation I’d endure if he caught me. My entire life with him was full of both. But he’d want to start over and retrain me. He’d take my mind from me a second time and it would be like none of this ever happened. I’ll die before I let him steal my memory, my... _self_ , from me again.” He spoke to the cat often as if it could understand him, but never had he really expressed anything personal like this. But it was a heavy fear to get off his chest and he felt better saying it to someone, even if it was a stray who probably only listened so intently because it liked the sound of his voice.

\---

His eyes opened and his head lifted, the admittance taking him aback. He ended up twisting around to his back in his arms, looking up at him. A paw rose to rest on his jaw and he held it there, big amber eyes fixed on him. His tail dangled over the side of the cradle, hanging limply, and his purring softened.

\---

Seeing the cat turn to look up at him so intently had him lapsing into silence, just staring into the intelligent gaze. The paw even made his lips turn up slightly and he turned his face to kiss the pad of it. “You’re a good listener, argori.” But he couldn’t just keep calling him ‘cat’ if they were going to be friends, could he? He’d have to think up something better.

\---

If he could have smiled, he would have. His paw adjusted to the change, almost tapping at the the corner of his lips as he found a comfortable spot to rest it just below. Glad to see that he’d helped, he let his eyes fall shut once more, his leg gradually withdrawing, until all of his feet were curled up in the air and he looked to be quite the content kitty in the arms of the calmed elf.

\---

Perhaps his little wandering friend would stay in his arms like this until morning. The cat had been staying through the night more often lately and Fenris found himself hoping that he wasn’t going anywhere tonight. He closed his eyes, exhausted but knowing he’d never get to sleep. He was calm enough to rest and that would be enough.

\---

Little changed throughout the night. He’d shifted around from time to time, waking between naps to adjust how he was laying in his arms and offering him affection each time. He didn’t slip out of them until morning, when the sun was just beginning to lighten the sky. If he waited too long, there would be people hanging around outside his door and that made it a bit more difficult to find a place to subtly change back. When he landed on the ground, he stretched and shook out his fur, unable to resist taking a moment to groom himself.

\---

When the cat finally left his arms, he opened his eyes. He was stiff from sitting in the corner all night and when he moved to stretch, the horrific pain in his head began. He winced and put a hand to his forehead, waiting for the initial ache of his hangover to dull just a little before he tried moving again. He felt terrible and he soon found himself hunched over to one side, dry heaving heavily. He thought for sure he’d vomit again, but he’d managed to digest his wine from the night before well enough that he kept it down and eventually the nausea passed. He straightened up again, using the wall the brace himself as he climbed carefully to his feet.

\---

He stiffened when he heard him heaving, the sound startling him, and turned to see him laying on the ground miserably. There wasn’t anything he could do, but he watched and waited to make sure he was okay. When he seemed to gain himself, Anders’ eyes searched the room and landed on what looked to be a couple of bottles that had made it out unopened on the table. Under the guise of wanting food, he made his way over to them, jumping onto the table, and rubbed himself against the bottles until they fell and shattered on the ground. No more wine for him today.

\---

Fenris swore when he heard the bottles hit the ground, though they were far from the first bottles of wine that had soaked into the rug instead of his liver. “I know you want brohad before you go about your sin barudahg, argori.” He mumble, too tired to pick a language as he sometimes was when he spoke to his visitor. The elf moved to the ice chest, which he’d barely maintained when it was only him but now actually took care of since he had another mouth to feed. He hated fish, but he knew cats loved them and so he picked up a cleaned halibut he’d purchased just for his friend and found a plate so he could serve the cat on his table.

\---

Getting breakfast had been an added perk to staying the night and he had to admit, his stomach probably appreciated these visits more than any other part of him. As soon as the the plate was set down, he hurried over to it and dug in greedily, scarfing it down as he did with all of the food he was presented. He was looking better for all of the consistent meals he was receiving, his fur coming in thicker and softer, but he was still decidedly thin.

When he finished, he gave a stretch and hopped off the table. It was time to go.

\---

“Off to more adventures?” Fenris asked when the cat jumped down, knowing he was about to leave. He bent down to give his back a stroke. “You can stay in the day if you like. But I’ll never collar you. You may come and go as you like, h’la baru.”

\---

He chirped, his rear lifting in response to the stroke. His tailed waved through the air as he threaded himself between his legs, rubbing against them. He doubted he’d ever stay the day, but he knew that he was welcome even before he said so. After his quiet farewell, he slunk off, making his way back to the window that had become his entrance and exit ever since the night he’d fled from the templars.

\---

Fenris moved to light the fireplace, the air still chilly from having no fire the night before. He dropped into his chair, his head throbbing, and closed his eyes. He would rest today if Hawke didn’t call on him. Perhaps he could even relax enough to sleep a little. The important thing was that he already had enough food stored to give his little wanderer a good dinner when he returned that night, so he could afford to take today to recover.


	6. Chapter 6

If Fenris hadn’t insisted on being left alone the night before, Varric would’ve stopped by to check on him as promised. He didn’t though, he respected his wishes and gave the brooding elf the space he asked for. So he couldn’t get angry - too angry - when he showed up tonight instead. He’d never seen him so on edge and shaken before and he was concerned about him. They all were.

Before he might have qualified that to exclude a particular blonde, but after said mage had wandered in during the middle of the day to speak to him and so _casually_ brought him up and joked that _someone_ probably ought to talk to him before he went on a drunken rampage and started killing slavers and bystanders alike, he wondered how accurate that was.

If _Blondie_ was concerned enough to go out of his way to drop not at all subtle hints, there was definitely something going on.

Even if the mage hadn’t stopped by, he’d already discussed going to see him with the rest of them over cards. Not much was said on the subject, but it was agreed that something must have happened with those particular slavers and that it would be a good idea to see if there had been any developments in the whole ‘Danarius department’.

Hawke volunteered, but since he’d already offered to check on him, Varric waved him off and said he’d go. Which was why as the sky grew dark, he was making his way up the crumbling steps of the mansion to the room in back, anticipating the worst and hoping for the best.

“Hey Broody, I like what you’ve done with the place,” he joked as he leaned against the doorway, a smirk on his lips. “The cobwebs have really come along.”

\---

The voice made Fenris turn his head to the doorway, but he hadn’t been especially on guard. He knew those footsteps. Still his sword was propped against his chair and his fingers were around the hilt until he made eye contact with the dwarf, which made him return his hand to his lap. “I’m not coming out to cards.” He didn’t even know what time it was, only that he wasn’t leaving unless someone’s life depended on it. He was drinking, but out of a glass which was a good sign that he at least didn’t intend to drink himself into oblivion.

\---

“Already forgotten, I see. That was yesterday, you have a week before we try to drag you back.” He strolled into the room and dragged the bench from his table over to plop down in front of the fire. “You don’t seem _that_ drunk, but then I suppose I don’t know how many times you’ve emptied that glass of yours.” He glanced around the room briefly, noting that unlike the rest of the place, it looked better than usual.

\---

“I figured you must be playing again tonight. It is usually the only reason to come into my home and harass me.” He snorted and turned his eyes back to the fire. But the words were spoken in jest. He’d never really minded the dwarf’s visits, especially since the other usually didn’t have anything to ask of him and just wanted him to come out for a few drinks.

\---

“Fun as that sounds, it’s probably best to give everyone a while to recover from their coin loss or they’ll all be slumming it in Lowtown with me before long.” He leaned on a hand on the bench, noticing the slightly acidic smell of vomit beneath the usual musk of wine. He didn’t see any, so it must have been cleaned up, but he’d definitely puked at some point. “You’re welcome to come too, of course.”

\---

“I think I’ll continue to slum it here.” Fenris sipped his wine, then set the glass aside. It was all he’d had to eat or drink all day, but he was nursing his glasses slowly. He had no wish to vomit again, he just needed a little hair of the dog that bit him to keep his hangover at bay. “Want a drink?”

\---

“Glass or two couldn’t hurt,” he agreed, though he wasn’t much of a wine drinker. He knew that the elf indulged in it almost exclusively, so he knew whatever he would get would be good stuff at least.

\---

Fenris rose from his chair to find his small collection of usable dishes. He grabbed a glass from it and returned to his chair, pouring Varric a glass from his bottle and handing it over before he sat back down. “Glass or two never hurts.”

\---

He took the glass from him and sipped it, giving a sound of approval. He was right - for what it was, it was good. “So then, how have you been?” It was asked casually enough, but there was clearly some intent in his words. After the night before, it was no coincidence that he was here and they both knew it.

\---

So that was what this was really about. He’d tried to be discreet about his anxiety the day before until he got home, but he’d known it hadn’t been good enough. His eyes, among plenty of other things, had given him away. “I’m fine.” He wasn’t really. But he definitely was in comparison to the way he’d been the night before.

\---

“Yeah? So whatever got you all worked up yesterday is taken care of?” Doubtful, but he was prodding. Behind him, a cat had stepped into the room, but froze to see Fenris wasn’t alone. It seemed Varric had listened to him, but he hadn’t thought he’d come so soon. He’d never approached any of his companions in this form and like Fenris, none of them knew he was a shapeshifter. A shapeshifter with a single, arguably useless shape, but that was neither here nor there. It was something he kept secret from everyone, a last form of defense that no one would ever see coming, so to speak.

\---

“No. But it is what it is. I’ll know soon whether or not they were sent by him.” He knew he didn’t have to specify just who he was talking about. When his eyes returned to Varric, he saw the cat standing in the room behind him. His expression warmed just a little, but in a way the dwarf would never have seen before. “Yi h’la baru.” He greeted the animal, beckoning him closer with his hand. “Don’t be afraid, Varric is a friend.”

\---

His brows lifted slightly, but before he could respond, he saw Fenris looking past him and greeting someone. His head turned and for a moment, he looked in confusion at nothing, but then his eyes dropped and he spied the cat.

Anders’ eyes met the dwarf’s and knowing there was no point hiding, he followed the beckoning hand, skirting around the rogue to jump into the warrior’s lap. Were they alone, he’d have greeted him affectionately, but it seemed he wasn’t comfortable doing so with the third party present, so he just lowered down to lay there.

“You got a cat?” Varric sounded surprised and amused, staring at the creature in his lap.

\---

Fenris smiled ever so slightly and scratched the cat between his shoulderblades. “I guess so. He snuck in here one night, hurt and scared. I started feeding him and we’ve been friends ever since. I was trying to find a home for him, but I think he’s happy here.” He would have given him to a good home if he’d known of one, but he would have missed his company. He was glad that he decided to keep him after all.

\---

It wasn’t often that Fenris smiled and his brows shot up higher than they had at the passive mention of the slavers. “I’d say give him to Blondie, you know how he is around cats.” They’d all seen him near piss himself at the sight of some kittens outside of the Hanged Man one time. The cat blinked at him and then tucked his legs beneath himself, the only remaining movement being his tail that flicked around slowly.

\---

“I mentioned him to the mage, but surprisingly he didn’t say anything. It doesn’t matter though. He’s staying with me, aren’t you, H’la Baru?” Fenris looked down to the cat, scratching behind his ears, then slowly down his back. The cat had chosen him and he was happy for it.

\---

That was surprising. It was hard not to smile, but he was a little weirded out by his strange attitude. Normal on anyone else, him not so much. He’d never seen him look so content - it was a dramatic change from what he’d seen in him yesterday. “The others will never believe this.” He fully intended on telling everyone about this development. If it had been anyone else, he wouldn’t have cared, but this was just bizarre enough to be worth gossip.

\---

“Probably not. And it’s not their business.” If he found a little scrap of happiness in this hellhole by having a pet, it wasn’t hurting anyone. He took a long sip of his wine, savoring it as it had done wonders for his headache. He knew his cat would be hungry, but he’d feed him after the dwarf left. By the way the cat was acting a little reserved and uneasy, he’d probably prefer to eat when it was just the two of them anyway.

\---

“Maybe not, but all the same, you should bring him by card night some time. I bet everyone would like to meet your friend.” A couple of them would get a kick out of it, he knew, but his thoughts were on Anders as he spoke. The way he’d approached him earlier was still in his mind and if the pair were going to bond over anything, he could see it being over his cat.

\---

“I don’t think he’d want me to take him anywhere. I never want him to feel captive. He can go anywhere he wants to.” His tone had softened a little as he said it. He stroked his fingers softly down the cat’s fur, which was softer than when he met him. “If anyone wants to meet them, they can drop by. He’s here most nights.”

\---

Well, so much for that thought. He tore his eyes from the cat, who looked rather content in his lap, to focus back on him. After a moment, he changed the subject. “So you were saying… You think the slavers were sent for you?” He hadn’t seen anything to indicate such a thing, but he wouldn’t know as well as the elf would.

\---

“I think one of them was speaking Tevene.” Fenris tensed a little as the subject shifted to something less pleasant than his pet. “It doesn’t necessarily mean that they were sent for me, even if they are from Tevinter. But they likely knew who I was. Danarius will have offered a good reward to anyone who returns me and I don’t exactly look inconspicuous. We didn’t leave any survivors at least, but I don’t know if they were sent by someone or here by chance.”

\---

“Personally, I’d like to see the idiot suicidal enough try and catch you,” he spoke lightly, but there was a hint of indignation in his tone. “Don’t you worry, Broody, you have us if he tries anything.” He’d left him alone thus far, despite him staying in his abandoned mansion, waiting for him to return, so Varric wasn’t sure he’d bother, but if he did, he’d have a fight on his hands.

\---

“There have been plenty. Just less since I arrived in Kirkwall.” His fingers moved to scratch beneath the cat’s chin, his affection to the animal calming him as it often did. “I would tell one of you or leave some sign if I have to flee. If I just disappear, it’s because someone knew I was here and succeeded in taking my body back. Don’t look for me if it happens, I’ll make them kill me if it comes to that.”

\---

“Aw, come on, don’t go there.” He waved off the comment, not putting any weight into it. “If you’re that concerned about someone getting you, why don’t you stay somewhere else? I could get you a room across from me.” There was no reason for him to stay here other than he’d decided to squat and hadn’t moved. “It’d be a nice change of pace from this depressing dump.”

\---

“Too many people in the area. I’m safest here. No one goes near this place.” For good reason. “Hopefully I’d be with the group if they ever make another move. But if I’m not and they do get their hands on me, I want you to give Baru here to the mage. I know he will take care of him.”

\---

“Seriously, Broody, you’re outdoing yourself.” He took a deep sip of his wine, needing it if this conversation was going to continue to derail like this. He’d have to talk to Hawke - surely there was something that he be done to ease his concerns and, if they were founded, make sure nothing happened to him. “Too many people, including me and Rivani.” He lifted a brow pointedly, implying what he wouldn’t say. They’d keep an eye on him.

\---

“Which would endanger the two of you needlessly. Just make sure my cat is taken care of.” He drained his own wine glass, eager to get off the subject. “They probably weren’t after me anyway. Just slavers who stumbled into the wrong group.”

\---

He rolled his eyes, but dropped it. “Whatever you say.” The concern he felt had been relieved, knowing the cause of his behavior and suspecting the same. He didn’t think the slavers were after anyone in particular, much less Fenris, and he doubted anything would come of his fears, but that didn’t matter much if he stayed here stewing in them day in and day out. He finished off his wine, about ready to take his leave, then commented, “Maybe you should get another cat. Someone for - Baru is it? - to play with.” If one cat had improved his mood so drastically, maybe another would be even better for him.

\---

He considered for a moment, then looked down to the cat. “What do you think, H’la Baru? Would you like another cat to play with?” He doubted it. His cat seemed quite content with it being just the two of them. Besides, the cat had stumbled into his life, he didn’t know where he’d go about getting another even if he wanted one.

\---

Anders had been listening to the conversation passively, though his tail had stilled at the mention of being given his cat, should something happen to him. It returned to normal after a few beats and only when he was directly addressed did he look up at Fenris with a _mrow_. Maybe if he got a real cat to bond with, he could stop coming up here. ...As if the only reason he came was to help him and not himself.

“Sounds like it to me,” he smirked, as if the meow had been confirmation. He set the glass aside and slipped down from the bench. “It’s getting late, think I’ll be taking off before the bolder cutpurses are out and about. Bianca is still tired from yesterday and could use her beauty rest.”  

\---

“I bet she does.” Fenris had smiled and patted his cat when he answered. Had they been alone, he would have kissed the top of his head. “Vitae benefaria, Varric.” He did appreciate that the dwarf would go out of his way to check on him, though he would have preferred it be just him and Baru tonight.

\---

“See you Broody, and think about what I said, will you?” Without giving him a chance to answer, he made his way out and back to his own dwelling.

With Varric gone, Anders rose to his feet with a stretch and sat back on his haunches, looking up at Fenris. Everything he’d eavesdropped had been nothing new to him, with the exception of the name. Baru? Is that what he was calling him? He wasn’t sure what it meant, but it seemed to be what he’d settled on.

\---

Fenris scratched the cat’s cheeks and gave him a warm look. “Let’s get you something to eat.” He pulled him into his arms and rose to his feet, far more steady now than he had been that morning. He set the cat down on the table and moved to his ice chest for another fish. He had nothing warm to share with him today, but he was well-stocked on food for his friend anyway.

\---

He leaned comfortably against his chest when taken into his arms, not minding behind held or carried around in the slightest. When set on the table, he sat and waited patiently, though he was eager for whatever was coming. He hadn’t had time to eat that day so he hadn’t had anything since the fish at breakfast.

\---

“How about a little freshwater fish tonight?” He asked as he set the plate down before his friend. “Maybe tomorrow we’ll get something warm. I think Lady Margo is roasting beef tomorrow night.” He liked most anything she cooked but he bought from her regularly enough that he had started memorizing her schedule.

\---

As soon as it was set down, he hurried forward and dug in. It didn’t take him long to clear the plate and he licked at it when he was finished, transitioning into cleaning his muzzle smoothly. After a minute of grooming, he moved closer to the elf and shifted his weight as if he wanted to jump into his arms.

\---

Fenris opened his arms to the cat, as he’d learned to do when it was clear he wanted him to catch him. They could go sit back down in the chair, he could finish his wine, and they could have a quiet night together. He needed it after the last night he’d had.

\---

When the arms opened to him, he hopped right into them. He’d taken to running up and greeting him like this whenever he arrived here before the warrior, uncommon as it was. In them, he rubbed his head beneath his chin, the purring from his supper intensifying when he felt comfortable and safe.

\---

The elf murmured little Tevene affections to his cat and kissed the top of his head once he was settled in his arms. He moved to his chair and dropped into it, letting Baru rest in his lap. He scratched the cat’s ears with one hand, using the other to refill his wine glass and go back to nursing it.

\---

He watched him refill the glass and as soon as he began to lift it to his lips, he pushed himself up and began to rub his head against his face instead, getting in the way of him actually taking a sip.

\---

The antics made him chuckle and he nuzzled the cat’s face with his own. “You’re silly today, Baru.” As he had been this morning when he’d shattered the wine bottles earlier. He kissed the top of his head again, then took his sip of wine - a short one to prevent the stray from rubbing against the glass and spilling it over the two of them, before setting it aside.

\---

When he set the glass down, he rewarded him with a few licks along his jaw, before dropping down to plop in his lap. He’d had a long day and he really was exhausted. He hadn’t slept all that well the night before and today had been a busy day, as was every day after he’d closed the clinic to go on a job and help Hawke out.

\---

He stroked his hand slowly over his back a couple times, then let it fall still to rest in his fur. He was so tired and it was easy to let his eyes fall closed. He wasn’t sure he’d feel safe enough to really sleep, but his body was tired enough to want to try. The fire kept his skin nice and warm, far different than the last cold night they’d spent huddled in a corner.

\---

All it took was a good ten minutes or so of the stillness for him to fall under. His purring had softened in that time and by the time he was asleep, it had faded entirely. He was deeply under and his paws and ears twitched as they often did when he was truly sleeping.

\---

He could feel and hear the cat relaxing into slumber and it was deeply satisfying. That he could help comfort the animal enough for it to really lower its guard and sleep. He kept his eyes closed and before long, he was falling under as well. He needed to keep his guard up for any trouble, but perhaps he could get some real sleep, just for a little while.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few months went by quickly and though he usually blew off the others telling him how much his humor had improved, Fenris knew that it was true. He wouldn’t have guessed that a little companionship could make such a difference in his life, but it truly had. His nights were calm and mostly sober with his cat cuddled up to him and he now had a reason to get up in the mornings - to feed Baru and send him on his way.

After Varric had told the rest of his pet, they had each dropped by at some point in the following weeks to meet Baru. Some of them even stayed late enough to still be around when the cat came strolling in. He didn’t necessarily encourage them to do so, but he didn’t kick them out either. His cat didn’t seem as comfortable with others there so he was pleased when their company left so he could start their usual night together.

The mages, who likely knew they wouldn’t be welcome in his home under any other circumstances, had coming bearing gifts. Anders had come by first, as expected at the mention of a cat, and brought him a toy and some milk. Fenris had invited him to sit down, definitely a first, and while their talk had been all-business regarding their recent missions, it had been without animosity. But the healer ended up just missing the cat, needing to head back to his clinic only moments before Baru ended up coming in for the night. Merrill had come in weeks later, going with Isabela because she didn’t feel safe going alone. She’d come with a toy of braided string she’d made for Baru. The blood mage had been terribly nervous despite all of Isabela’s efforts to joke between the three of them until the cat had shown up. She’d been quite happy to play with him for a few minutes, but was just as happy to leave afterwards.

When it was only him and his misery in the mansion, there never seemed any point in cleaning it up. Especially since he’d spent most of his nights in a drunken stupor which only added to the mess of broken furniture and shattered glass. But since Baru was living with him now, for the most part, he wanted to do better for his friend. He’d started by clearing out the glass on the floor at least in the places that the cat was likely to walk. But he found himself wanting to clean up a little more each day, especially since the stray seemed to notice the difference. He finally got around to finding a place to take the bodies that used to be his only company. The floor was cleared of a little more debris each days. Even the cobwebs were gone, in his living area, at least.

It had been a couple days since his last mission and so Fenris was feeling rested and even a little motivated to work on the mansion. It had been a slow change over time, but he was recognizing it and it was nice to actually want to do something besides fight and drink. He got through the work he’d expected himself to accomplish that day - tossing out more rotted old furniture and rubbish and decided he was in the mood to keep going. He worked all through the day, sweeping and scrubbing, cleaning so much he discovered what color the rugs were actually supposed to be. He’d taken a break to go out and get some food for himself and Baru to share later that night, but he got right back to it once he got home, scrubbing years of grime from the floors even as the sun set and the mansion was only lit by the fireplace.

\---

Even though a lot had changed in the passing months, it really had been so little. They’d developed a routine and stuck to it. Every night, Anders closed his clinic, made his way to Hightown, and spent the night with Fenris. In the morning, he went home. That was all there was to it, but it was undeniable that they’d grown closer. That being together was good for each other. For Fenris, he’d been noticeably happier, so much so that he’d been teased for it many times and even Anders had joined in, though he’d been good-natured about it. For Anders, he looked a lot healthier and the bags in his eyes had softened, so he didn’t look so perpetually tired all the time.

Things between them had changed and there was a civilness there that had never existed before. Their snipping comments and heated arguments had been replaced with held tongues - for the most part, anyway. When they did speak, the exchanges were short and to the point. A time or two, Anders had attempted to really draw him into conversation, but Fenis was quick to shut him down and he’d come to accept that they would never be friends like that. It didn’t matter to him much, he was satisfied with what they had and not fighting with him was enough for him.

The changes around the mansion had been subtle, but consistent. Sometimes he didn't notice, sometimes he did, but he was glad to see him taking care of the place. He’d snuck in what contributions he could, wanting him to live in a safe and comfortable place, but he was careful to never reveal himself. In everything he did, he made sure not to arouse suspicion because he didn't want to lose the companionship they’d gained, though he told himself it was for Fenris sake and not his own.

Tonight, however, the change was dramatic and as he stepped inside, he was taken aback to see the warrior on his hands and knees, scrubbing away. He watched him for a while, warmed, then decided it was time to close the distance between them. He would have smirked if he could have, finding the hunched back too tempting to resist and hopping onto it, walking up to his shoulder and laying down. He rubbed his cheek against his ear, purring as soon as they were in contact with each other.

\---

The sound of the brush he was using to scrub the floor masked the soft padding paws approaching. He startled a little at the sudden weight on his back, but he knew that purr anywhere and as soon as his ear was nuzzled, he gave a soft laugh. “I must have been working later than a thought if you’re here, yi H’la Baru.” He reached up to scratch the cat’s cheek.

\---

He pressed his face into the fingers with a soft _mrrp_ , before licking at them. They didn’t taste particularly nice after all the cleaning he’d done, so he moved his tongue to his ear instead, licking there. He was so pleased with him and anytime he could tell that he’d cleaned, he got particularly affectionate with him, wanting to him encourage him to continue making the place habitable. It seemed to be working.

\---

He flinched a little, the tips of his ears especially sensitive. “That tickles, Baru.” He said with a soft chuckle and reached back to pluck the cat from his back. The elf nuzzled his face into the cat’s fur, dropping his work to cradle his pet instead. It felt so much better to have a consistent companion, someone he could count on seeing at the end of each day.

\---

He fell right into his arms, but it seemed he was feeling playful because as his face was buried into his fur, he pawed at the locks of hair dangling right in front of him. He squirmed in his grasp, his tail flicking around as he swatted at his hair.

\---

It seemed his cat had some energy to work out before it was time to cuddle for the night. He set Baru down and moved to the basket he’d bought just for cat toys. He drew out the best one he’d made himself - the one of feathers and the bell he’d been searching for. He began to drag it slowly across the floor, wanting to catch his attention and get him to pounce.

\---

He started to follow him when he was set down, but he realized what he was going after and settled into a crouch. His rear lifted into the air and wiggled, wide pupils locked onto the feathers as they moved. No matter how tired he was, he always had a little energy reserved for playing. The tension in the air became too much and when it finally snapped, he darted forward, pouncing on the feathers with claws extended.

\---

He let him catch the feathers, for a moment, then yanked it away. He dangled the feathers in front of him to get him batting at them, the bell jingling with the movement. Their dinner was already cooled and he was looking forward to sharing it with him, but he wanted to get in a little playing first since Baru seemed to enjoy it.

\---

He scrambled after the feathers and ended up flopping onto his side as the feathers were dangled. He tried to catch them, rolling this way and that, sometimes snagging them and trying to bring them to his mouth each time. He rolled suddenly, back to his feet, and tried to jump after them, his claws tearing into the rug as he played.

\---

Without much experience, Fenris had learned through the cat’s reactions what would make him go crazy for the feathers. He never wanted him to get frustrated with the game, so he let him catch the feathers once in awhile, giving him a beat to bite at them before he’d start over and tease him with them again. He had a variety of toys - some he made himself, some that were gifted to him, others he’d purchased, but this one was his favorite and he felt like Baru liked it best too.

\---

As eagerly as he played, it never took long to tire him out. His effort took a dive and soon he plopped onto the floor, lying on his side and only lazily pawing at it if the feathers were brought close enough.

\---

When it seemed his cat had enough, Fenris gave the feathers one more sweep by him and let him catch it so he could chew the feathers and enjoy his victory. He left him with it for a moment, moving to grab the plates for the dinner he’d picked up from Lady Margo earlier in the evening. That night the older woman had cooked lamb and roasted potatoes and though it had gone cold, unwrapping it and letting the scent fill the air had his mouth watering. He began pulling apart the lamb, making sure there was a generous portion on Baru’s plate before he called him over.

\---

He nibbled on the feathers, holding them to his mouth with the string wrapped between his claws and toes. He couldn’t bring himself to stop until he was called and then his head perked as he caught sight of what he had. Abandoning the toy, he hurried over to the table, jumping on top of it and going right to his plate. He hadn’t gotten over his habit of eating desperately and so he was quick to tear into the lamb that had been prepared for him.

\---

Fenris sat down, finally getting to his own meal now that the other was digging in. It was good, the food always was, and he savored it in slow bites. He needed a little wine to wash it down, but had forgotten to grab a bottle before he sat down, so he would do without. For now, anyway. “What do you think, argori?” Though his desperate eating was answer enough to his opinion on tonight’s fare.

\---

When he stopped chewing long enough to take a break, he meowed and moved closer to Fenris, brushing himself against his arm. He always ate close to him, but he dropped down beside him so they were touching as he stretched to reach the rest of his dinner.

\---

“I think so too.” As if the meow and nuzzle were truly a response to what he’d said. He gave the cat a little scratch, then continued on with his dinner. When he was done, he pushed his plate a little closer to Baru’s knowing that he liked to lick their plates clean when the meal was over.

\---

When they were done, he rose up to give the plate a thorough licking. Then he returned to Fenris and pressed his paws against his arm as he leaned up to nudge his jaw in thanks. He licked at the soft skin, purring deeply, giving his face a thorough bath for as long as he was allowed. When he got close to his mouth, he could taste a hint of the lamb they’d eaten and he lapped close to his lips.

\---

He chuckled, letting the rough tongue clean his face. “Come here.” He used his arm to scoop the cat from the table to hold him to his chest instead. He offered him a finger to suckle instead, which would fortunately taste more like lamb and less like soap now.

\---

When offered the finger, he latched onto it instinctively, as this had become a comforting affection they shared. The purring, which was already loud, became even more so and his paws rested on his hand, keeping his finger pulled in as he tenderized it, his tongue lapping eagerly at the underside of it where he could taste the lyrium that ran through it.

\---

He knew how much it comforted the cat and he kept him cradled comfortably to him. He’d found out by accident that Baru liked this even better when lyrium flooded his tattoos and so he let them fill with soft blue light. He kissed the top of the cat’s head, content to let him nurse his finger to relax after the meal.

\---

The suckling grew even more eager when the markings began to glow and his eyes shut to savor it. He could go on like this endlessly and so it always took awhile for him to ease off of it. When he did, the finger was always raw and irritated, but the cat was as content as could be.

\---

Fenris waited until he finally let go to give him an affectionate little squeeze and lifted him as he rose to his feet. He carried him off to his bed, which was also considerably cleaner, deciding he’d like to actually lay down that night. He set the cat down on the sheets, then laid down on his side, giving him soft, slow strokes up his back.

\---

He dropped down to his side, so they were facing each other, his eyes fixed on Fenris’. It seemed he that while he was worn out, he wasn’t all that tired, because he was blinking at him contently, enjoying the hand running over him. He gave a little stretch, his legs straining, before resuming the relaxed position.

\---

He propped his head up on his hand, giving the cat a scratch beneath his chin. When he stopped, he held out his hand palm-up, watching him intently. He’d been working with him on this for awhile, a handshake of sorts, and the speed at which the cat had picked it up had impressed him.

\---

His eyes dropped to the hand and seeing what he wanted, he reached out with a paw and set it in the middle of his palm. He wasn’t sure why Fenris liked this particular trick, but he never denied him. He always reached out and gave him what he wanted, his pads resting against his skin.

\---

He smiled and wrapped his fingers briefly around the little paw. “Juli! Juli, Baru.” He released him and kissed the top of his head. “I wish I would have had a friend like you in Tevinter. Perhaps things would have been just a little easier.” It still would have been hell. But he’d learned the value now of having someone to care for and perhaps it would have helped to some degree.

\---                                                                                                                                                                                     

He watched the hand wrap around his paw and after, he stretched his leg out to rest it against his chest. His eyes lifted and he watched him intently. This was not the first time he’d opened up to him like this and though he didn’t say much about his past, Anders knew a lot more about him than he ever had before. It made it easier to understand why he’d always been a right asshole to him, though he still had trouble stomaching his hypocritical attitude.

\---

“I think you could have helped. I didn’t have anyone to talk to, not really. My master didn’t like his slaves having conversations in his presence and...well, I was always in his presence. I could only talk to him and only when he permitted me to speak. I guess I’m still not very good at talking to people. But you listen well.” He scratched his fingers gently down his back.

\---

He arched with the contact, his purring having softened, but still there. Amber eyes were locked on him and he couldn’t resist climbing to his feet and closing the distance between them, curling up right in front of where he was propping up his head and cuddling with him, giving him the friendship he needed. He would listen to whatever he had to say and if Fenris would let him, he’d listen in any form, but it was only like this that he was trusted.

\---

“Sometimes I thought he could read my mind. I’d even think of trying to move away enough to talk to another slave and he’d use his magic to hurt me. That probably wasn’t the case, he probably only saw my distraction and wanted me to refocus my thoughts on him. But I got my chances in the night when he slept. Maybe I could have had nightly visits from someone like you. I would have looked forward to the long hours of standing on guard until he woke and it all started over again.” He rested his cheek lightly against the fur, using the cat as a pillow. “But I’m glad we meet here at night instead.”

\---

With him so close, the purring picked up and it was as much to comfort him as it was from peacefulness. He couldn’t see him like this so his eyes shut, but he was still listening to him, feeling a deep welling empathy for him. He’d had a lot of pain in his life and anyone with eyes could see that to look at him, but it was hard to look past what a prick he was when he refused to show this side of himself to anyone.

\---

“I hated his magic so much. When he had me punished with a whip or a club, I could at least see it coming. But it only took the slightest turn of his fingers for him to give me agony I wouldn’t expect. But it was so much worse at the end of the day when he was ready to mend the damage done.” He closed his eyes, the vibration of his purring soothing him. “I know it isn’t the same when the mage does it. When I let him heal me, it hasn’t hurt. But I can’t see him start to cast without thinking of the spell stitching. I won’t ever feel anything like that again. Never.”

\---

At that, the purring stopped. It wasn’t often he reacted in a way that betrayed his understanding of a situation, but he couldn’t help it. He twisted a bit, not enough to force him to lift his head, but enough that he could actually look at him. The look in his eyes would have been sad if he could expression emotion, but he couldn’t offer him anything. Just his presence. He knew it helped him and that was why he came back time and time again, but he sometimes he really wished he could speak. That he would listen.

\---

“What is it? I’m I talking too much for you to get to sleep?” He asked when the rumbling stopped and pressed a kiss into the cat’s fur. “Let’s get some rest, Baru. No more talk of blood magic.”

\---

He continued to watch him for a while, but eventually lowered his head down and let his eyes fall back closed. The words repeated in his mind and he really did feel bothered by the admission. He’d never stopped to really think about why Fenris would have such a ridiculous aversion to healing. The most benign form of magic there was and he turned it away time and time again, only accepting it when he was too injured to protest. It suddenly made sense and he felt sad that something so positive could be so tainted for him.

\---

He moved his head to rest on the mattress, not wanting to put too much weight on him once he did fall under. His hand moved to take its place, letting it rest in the soft fur as he let himself start to drift off. It had been several days since he’d really slept and he was ready to let his body have a proper rest.

\---

His purring never did return that night, but after the elf fell asleep, he did relax. The heavy thoughts faded in favor of listening to him breathe and soon, he was lulled to sleep beside him. The hand in his fur was all the contact he needed, so the way they were pressed together was more than enough to make him feel safe and at home.


	8. Chapter 8

Within the week, they were off on another mission. This time it was crazed templars that needed to be dealt with and Isabela had been prepared for a very long day of listening to Anders and Fenris snarl at each other. She’d gotten spoiled to the two of them being civil, but this of all things would likely have them at each other’s throats again. But to her surprise, both men had been gotten through the entire ordeal with minimal sniping at each other.

The battle was done and Fenris had gone off ahead as he often did, sitting on a fallen log away from the group to peek beneath his armor and see what sort of salves and bandaging he might need for the damage. Isabela had gotten a deep gash in one of her arms and as she offered it to Anders to be mended, her eyes roamed him hungrily. They often did lately. He’d filled out over the last few months, no longer looking so gaunt or so tired. His eyes were brighter and even his hair had a softer, healthier look to it. She couldn’t resist reaching out with her good hand to tuck a little escaped lock of it behind his ear as he worked. “Have I told you that you’re even more delicious than usual lately? Maybe you should come home with Hawke and me tonight, we could show you how much we appreciate your work today…”

\---

When the arm was offered to him, he pulled it a little closer, holding his hand over the wound and letting warm magic flow from his palm into her arm. His eyes flicked up the touch and when she spoke, they widened slightly. It was far from the first time she’d hit on him, but he hadn’t been propositioned like that in some time and the suggestion of being included brought color to his cheeks and interest to his eyes. They flicked over to Hawke, who he’d already tended to, and then he released her arm, straightening up.

“Careful, don’t let him hear you saying something like that. He might get jealous.” He couldn’t deny there was something appealing to the suggestion, but he knew better than to think it would actually happen.

\---

“He thinks he’d be jealous, but really, he’d like it.” She gave him a wicked little smirk, moving her hand to rest on her hip now that her arm was mended. “You know you’d have a good time. Why don’t you come have a little fun with us, just for tonight?” She’d prefer more than just for tonight, but it would be a good start.

\---

He rose to his feet, brushing his hands off on his robes, even though they were already clean. After shifting his weight on his feet a couple of times, he looked at her with a lifted brow. “If you can convince Hawke...” Unlikely. “Maybe.” Leaving her with that, he made his way over to where the warrior was sitting, his eyes roaming him for signs of injury.

“How did you fair?”

\---

Isabela hopped up to her feet, feeling refreshed after the heal, and moved to where her man was taking inventory of the loot. She pressed herself to his side, giving his ear a little nip. “Want to do something just a little adventurous tonight?” She purred into his ear, her fingers stroking their way down his chest, heedless of their company. “I know a gorgeous healer who’d like to come to bed with us when we get home.”

Fenris was sitting stiffly, the front plate of his armor pulled away to show a wound on his side. It hadn’t seemed all that treacherous or deep when he’d gotten it, but the blood oozing out was too dark and the tanned skin around it was beginning to crack and peel away. Some sort of poison had been on the blade. He looked up to Anders, appearing ill and a little disoriented, his fingers pressing into the wound as if he could stop the heavy, unnaturally bleeding wound that way.

\---

After sorting through what was junk and what was worth taking to sell, Hawke was carefully examining a rather nice dagger he’d found on one of the templars. It lowered slightly when he felt a familiar body pressed into his and the nip made him smirk. “You know I do,” he murmured in response, though when she went on, the look faded.

“...What?” He pulled back slightly, looking at her questioningly, before his eyes turned to find the healer. “Somehow, I doubt that.” He gave her a playful nudge, but felt a familiar twinge of jealousy that came with having her be his.

Anders’ gaze fell on the wound and that was all it took for him to close the distance between them and drop down to his knees in front of him. “It’s poisoned,” he said aloud, as if it wasn’t already obvious. He reached for the wound, but paused midair, his eyes lifting to find Fenris’, silently asking permission.

\---

“Well, he said he might if you think it’s a good idea.” Isabela gave him a little nudge in response, slipping in front of him and draping her arms around his shoulders, holding him and giving him a fantastic view of cleavage. “I think you’ll like it. You won’t know if you don’t try…”

Fenris instinctively pulled away from the hand, but moving made him draw in a sharp hiss of pain. He was starting to shake hard, a bit of dark blood rolling out from the corner of his lips. “...Can you do it without magic?” He asked in a weak whisper, already knowing the answer.

\---

“He didn’t. We both know he didn’t.” Other than Merrill, Anders was possibly the least sexual person he knew. Sure, Anders flirted around jokingly and he’d heard stories, mostly from Isabela, but he’d never seen him display an interest in anyone in years. It was as if he was blind to the various attractive people that Kirkwall had to offer. “Besides, it’s not a good idea.” He didn’t want to share her with anyone, but he knew better than to say it in so many words.

“No, I can’t, so let me, alright?” He saw the blood dripping down from his mouth and he turned his gaze back on the wound, moving Fenris’ hand away so he could press his own to it. “It won’t hurt, I promise,” he told him softly, knowing what must be going through his mind after what he’d told him about spell stitching and pain he’d experienced being mended by blood magic.

\---

“You never think it’s a good idea. You’ve got to try it sometime and he’d be a very sweet first, don’t you think? He’s done so much for both of us…” She pressed kisses to his jaw, always loving the way his beard tickled her lips when she did it. “Have I ever talked you into trying anything in bed that you regretted?”

Fenris was too weak to push the hand away and for a moment, his fear broke through the pain that was all over his face. But the words made his eyes find Anders’ and he eased just a little. His instincts were screaming not to let it happen. But he’d been healed by this mage before. He was telling him it wouldn’t hurt and part of him really knew it wouldn’t. Blood began to run down from his nostrils as well and he knew he was running out of time to consider it. “Do it.”

\---

“...No, but this is different.” He turned his head to find her lips, giving her a brief, but firm kiss. A possessive kiss.”I’d rather have you to myself so I can tie you up and spent all night listening the delightful sounds you can make.” His arms had slipped around her and he had her pulled in against him, taking a leisurely look down her shirt.

Even without his permission, he would’ve acted. As soon as the blood dripped down his nose, he was summoning his magic. He sent a concentrated rush of it into the festering wound itself and as soon as that was healed, he lifted his hand to his chest, pressing his palm to the middle of it and sending a more encompassing wave of healing through him, his hand sliding slowly down his body to make sure he got rid of every trace of poison in him.

\---

“Oooh, you’re going to tie me up tonight?” That seemed to appease her and she smirked as he enjoyed the view. “Well, it sounds like we’ll be busy tonight. But I really think we should try it some time.” She would revisit it before long, she often did, but for tonight she would behave herself.

Fenris’ shaking had begun to progress to convulsions, but by the time Anders was healing him from his chest, they had softened to just a light tremble. Blood was still dripping from the orifices of his face, a couple dark tears had rolled from his eyes as well during the process, but they were slow and clearly only the aftermath of the poison’s work rather than active symptoms. He was sinking down from the log to sit on the ground instead, needing to rest back against something but looking considerably better than he had.

\---

“Maybe,” he replied, unwilling to completely dismiss it, should it put her off. He knew it wasn’t going to happen though; he’d keep finding reasons they shouldn’t and if this worked out as he wanted it to, one day she wouldn’t want anyone else. “Come, let’s gather our loot. We should get moving.” He let go of her and offered her the dagger with a wink.

Anders shifted back when he moved down to the ground, making room for him. His hand dove into his pocket and he pulled out a clean handkerchief, lifting it to his face without thinking. He began to dab away the blood, his expression filled with more concern than he’d ever showed him before. It was a look he’d wore from time to time for the others, but with Fenris, his expression had only ever been one of concentration, if not frustration.

\---

“Pretty.” She murmured, releasing him to take the dagger. After looking it over, she tucked it away and finally turned her gaze from her lover to see what was going on with the others. Her brows raised when they found the healer and the warrior sitting together on the far side of a fallen log.

The elf wasn’t expecting such care and he drew back from the touch, but didn’t get far with the log propping him up. He should thank him, he knew, because it really hadn’t hurt. He felt awful, but he felt so much better than he had and he knew that wouldn’t be the case if the healer hadn’t acted quickly. But it was still magic and he found himself just scowling down at the ground, frustrated that he’d been put in a position where he’d had to accept healing again.

\---

The scowl made him pull back and he realized himself. The hand fell and for a beat it just dangled and then he offered him the handkerchief so he could finish cleaning himself up. Without another word to him, he rose to his feet and assured that they were all taken care of, he stepped away from all of them. He couldn’t bring himself to do more than glance at the pair, the proposition having flustered him, so he decided to just keep to himself as they moved on.

\---

Fenris made a half-hearted attempt to wipe the rest of the blood from his face, but he was too weary. He’d gotten some of it, but his face was still a bit of a mess when his hand dropped to rest on his thigh. Whatever had been in his blood had done a number on him and all he wanted now was to go home and make sure Baru was fed before he passed out for the night.

\---

The remainder of the day had been awkward and it had been a relief to return back to the clinic for a breather from avoiding all of them. By the time he went to Fenris’ mansion that night, he was over it and his day had brightened considerably to see him. It was as if the job never happened and whatever distance there had been between them before was long gone.


	9. Chapter 9

A few more months passed and still, little changed. Ignoring the fact that Fenris had basically become his best friend, everything else remained the same. In some ways it was depressing, but Anders had never expected anything of him and that made it easy to accept that the person he was closest to didn’t like him or want anything to do with him. Their relationship made him happy and honestly, spending half of his time as a cat was a relief from the reality he lived in.

As with every morning, he was ready to go at the crack of dawn. A quick breakfast and affectionate goodbye and he was on his way, hopping out of the window and making his way down the alley on the side of his mansion through the city. He had the route down by now and he knew everywhere to dart to stay out of sight, avoiding anyone that had their life together enough to be out so early in the morning. By the time he got to Darktown, he was especially wary, as he knew of stray cats disappearing in this area - people were hungry and they did what they had to in order to survive.

\---

Fenris had plans for the day. Mostly plans that involved cleaning up more of the house, as he spent many of his days that he wasn’t working as a warrior for Hawke. But he also planned to find out just what it was his cat did throughout his days. What had his cat leaving with the sunrise every single morning while he had food, toys, and comfort where he spent his nights? It was almost certainly a female cat that kept him roaming. If that were the case, he’d try to coax her home with them as well. He didn’t particularly want a second cat - what he had with Baru was perfect and he didn’t want to skew their dynamic. But if it would make him happy and keep him safer by discouraging his wandering, that’s what he wanted to do.

He’d watched him go out the window a couple times now, so he had a vague idea of how the cat’s route started. Knowing this, he gave Baru a bit of a head start before setting out after him. He also knew how to creep through the shadows and so he just barely kept the cat in sight as he quietly followed along. He noticed that the cat seemed wary, not surprising with how intelligent he was, and that was a relief. If he was going to keep wandering, Fenris at least hoped he would stay safe.

\---

The clinic was deep in the depths of Darktown and so it was a long walk to get there. It was clear he knew where he was going, though, and when he arrived outside it, he paused, looking around. There was no one outside waiting, but he knew as soon as he lit the lantern they would start coming. There was a nook nearby that was well hidden and he slipped into it and even there, he waited, making sure that there wasn’t a single straying eye in sight.

Assured that it was safe, he shifted back into himself. It always felt good to fall back in his natural form and as he stepped back out, his eyes searching the area, he stretched his arms in front of him. He made his way to the door of the clinic, pulled out a key to unlock it, and stepped inside. He’d take a few minutes to freshen up and then it was time to start his day.

\---

When the cat made its way to Anders’ clinic, his brows raised. Perhaps the healer was also feeding him. His home during the day. He wouldn’t have known because the time Anders had come to visit the cat, he hadn’t shown. He was about to turn to walk back when he saw the cat slip into the nook, assuming he’d be waiting there for the mage to open his door and let him in, when suddenly there was a burst of magic. His blood went cold, as it always did when he was caught off guard by magic, but it went colder when suddenly Anders was standing in the place of his cat.

Anders.

He gaped as the mage stretched and made his way to his door to let himself in. Just part of his normal morning routine, clearly. Suddenly the russet fur and amber eyes of his cat seemed all too familiar and the thought of staring into those eyes as he confessed all of his fears made him sick to his stomach. How had this happened? How had this mage slipped into his home, his life, even his heart without him ever suspecting? Probably because he had no idea mages could even turn into cats. It was just one more betrayal of magic and he felt so incredibly violated. He was far less discreet about turning and rushing back for home, needing to get far away from here and think this through.

\-----

Later that evening, Anders closed the clinic a little earlier than usual, having had a slow, but productive day and made his way back to Hightown, wishing as he often did that it wasn’t such a long route. When he arrived, he went straight to the back room, pleased to see light of the fire and feeling the warmth of it as soon as he stepped inside. The elf was sitting in his usual spot in front of it and he closed the distance between them, hopping right into his lap and looking up at him with a _mrow_ , already purring in anticipation of seeing him.

\---

Normally, he would have wrapped the cat up in his arms and cuddled him before carrying him to the table for dinner. Tonight, he only tensed when the animal who was not at all an animal hopped onto his lap. “I think we need to talk, _yi H’la Baru_. Or should I start calling you Anders at this point?”

\---

It was definitely not a normal reaction for a cat to widen its eyes, but that was exactly what happened when his name rolled off the elf’s tongue. He stared at him, his purring cut off, and his ears slowly flattened as his tail curled in against himself. What? How? He jumped off his lap, his tail tucking between his legs as he backed away from him, suddenly the frightened cat he’d first met months ago. A few beats passed and then suddenly he was off, bolting out of the room and to the window, unable to get out of there fast enough.

\---

He’d expected him to turn back and for an altercation between them to begin, but it was a relief when the mage simply fled. They needed to talk about this, but in truth, he wasn’t ready. He was too humiliated to discuss all the things he’d said. The way he’d cooed and fussed over him. He wasn’t ready to deal with any of it. So instead, he rose from his chair and returned to his old friend. The one he’d had before what he’d thought was a cat had come to lessen the sorrows in his life. He grabbed a bottle of wine from his cupboard and began his drinking for the night.


	10. Chapter 10

It was a few weeks later that Fenris decided to pay the mage a visit. Clearly Anders was fine with just staying away from him, as he’d made it abundantly clear that they would no longer be doing any missions together. But that wasn’t going to get him off the hook. He needed answers. He needed to know why this had happened and why it had gone on so long.

It was late in the evening, after the clinic was usually closed for the day, when he arrived on the healer’s doorstep. He arrived the way he usually did on the very rare occasions that he went to the clinic - bleeding. He was fresh from battle and had a gash running from his jaw to the base of his neck - a blow that would have seen his head cleaved from his body had Varric not shot the man at just the right time with Bianca. There was also blood dripping at his feet, coming from somewhere hidden beneath his armor. He knocked, waiting for the healer to answer and expecting the door to be slammed in his face. But he was hoping that he bled on his doorstep long enough, he’d eventually let him in.

\---

The lantern was out, but it wasn’t all that uncommon for him to get a knock after he was done for the day and he could never bring himself to turn anyone away. He would never ignore the door and so he rose from his desk where he’d been writing away and unlocked it so he could open it. When he did, his mouth had parted in greeting, but it quickly snapped shut and he paled. The hand on the door shoved it closed and he hastily locked it, taking several steps back from it as his heart pounded in his chest.

\---

That wasn’t surprising at all. “If I was going to kill you, I would have done it that night. I’m bleeding, mage. Are you going to help me or leave me outside?”

\---

There was a long pause before he responded, “Who’s with you?” The warrior had never come to his clinic for treatment willingly, always dragged by someone else. Usually Hawke. If Hawke was there, he wouldn’t feel quite so frightened, but if he was here alone, that couldn’t mean anything good.

\---

“No one. I assumed you didn’t tell anyone else about that ability of yours and I wasn’t going to share it with them. I’m sure you know I have some questions. But for right now, I just walked miles to get here, I’m bleeding like a stuck pig, and I’ll stand out here all night if you won’t help me.” He leaned against the doorway, weary and wounded. But stubborn. He wasn’t moving.

\---

In spite of his appeal, it took minutes before the door unlocked and when it opened, it did so slowly. He peeked out at him, saw all the blood, and drew back with the door. He was almost using it as a shield as he opened it and made room for him to step inside. He was white and there was sweat on his brow, but he never could turn down someone that needed him.

\---

Fenris stepped inside without hesitation, tossing his sword down on the floor as a show of good faith. Though they both knew he didn’t need it if he meant to kill the mage. He walked to the table he’d been on only a few times and usually only when dragged bodily by Hawke, easing himself to sit down. The gash on his neck was obvious enough but it wasn’t until he removed the top of his armor that it was clear a dagger, judging by the size and depth of the puncture, had found its way into his back just beside his right shoulder blade.

\---

It wasn’t until he was sitting that Ander eased himself from behind the door and though he only kept the door open when the lantern lit and he was accepting patients, he left it wide open just in case. If he needed a quick escape, he didn’t want to be fumbling with a handle. He approached the table, but kept a considerable distance between them as he took in the sight of the wounds. In the back of his head, Justice was assuring him that the warrior wouldn’t do anything to them, that he’d stop him if he tried, but it offered him little comfort.

“Right well, just a moment…” Rather than approach him to take care of the wounds as he normally would, he made his way over to a shelf where he kept potions and found a vial containing a bright blue liquid that he swallowed down. Replenished enough, he returned to where he’d been standing, he cast a far stronger than necessary healing spell so that he could do so at a distance.

\---

As soon as he began to cast, Fenris was off the table. He staggered back to the far side of the clinic, desperate to dodge the spell. He was almost sure that it was a healing spell, but as frightened as the mage was, who knew. He’d never known Anders to heal him without his consent and so he ended up seeking shelter behind the healer’s desk.

\---

And as soon as Fenris moved off the table, Anders’ heart stopped and the magic suddenly shifted. Rather the healing magic that had been building in his hands, his form shifted abruptly. It was an instinctive reaction that he’d only ever experienced around templars, but Fenris was just as bad as they were to him and so there was suddenly a cat standing in his place and soon as he was on four legs, he ran for cover beneath his cot, curling up beneath it much like he had the desk in Fenris’ mansion.

\---

“Don’t you dare cast at me, mage. Haven’t you done enough with that treacherous magic of yours?” Fenris snarled from the desk. The sudden movement had been painful and he panted softly, curling up tightly in his hiding place. “All I want to know why you did it. I think you owe me that much.”

\---

A low growl came from the cot and though it was far from a safe place to hide, the cover kept him still, though he was poised to bolt at any moment. The door was still open and quick as he was, he was pretty sure he could make it before Fenris knew what was happening. His ears were pressed back and his hackles were raised, but he was more terrified than anything.

\---

“Who do you think you are to growl at me, mage? As if I was the one who betrayed you.” Fenris spat, easing himself to lean against the desk. “I was good to you. I fed you. I kept you warm. It never once occurred to you that you should tell me the truth, I’m sure.”

\---

It’d occurred to him many times, but he’d known what would happen if he did. It had been best for both of them to keep the truth hidden and he still didn’t know how he found out. He’d been so careful. He needed to get out of here and he slowly began to crawl from beneath the cot, just enough that he could survey the room. The door was open, but the desk was right in his path and so he decided it would be best to hurry around the edge of the room and take a longer route to get there than to run right past him. It didn’t take him long to pluck up the courage to get moving, though it was hard to call it courage when he was fleeing in fear.

\---

In the silence, Fenris leaned slightly to peek around the room for the mage from his desk. When his eyes fell on the cat, his face twisted with a pain far different than the grief his wounds were giving him. That wasn’t his cat. It had never been his cat, but it felt like seeing his Baru again after such a long time and he retreated behind the desk again quickly, burying his face in his hands.

\---

When the made it to the door, he was off, fleeing from his own home from someone that he cared about deeply, but that he no longer trusted. It felt fair - Fenris had never trusted him. Not really. He’d only trusted him when he’d thought him a mindless creature and though he wasn’t wrong that he’d betrayed his confidence, it was hardly as simple as he made it out to be. Really, they did probably need to talk, he just didn’t think it possible or, more importantly, safe. He didn’t know where he was going, but he wouldn’t be returning for a few hours at least. After that, he imagined that Fenris would be long gone and he could go back to avoiding him.

\---

This was a mess. He thought he might be able to process this a little better and start moving past it if he got some answers, but instead he’d seen him as the cat again and it had made everything so much worse. He needed a drink. He started to push himself to get up, sure that the mage would be hiding somewhere, but he quickly fell back down. He was exhausted. The walk back to his mansion wasn’t far on a good day, but bleeding as he was, it felt like an improbable journey. “I’ll leave. Just let me rest a minute.” He murmured to the empty room, closing his eyes. He was making quite a mess, bleeding all over the healer’s floor as he was, but that was nothing new in this clinic. His body drained, it didn’t take long for him to slip from consciousness despite his desire to get home.

\---

As predicted, he returned a few hours later to find the door still wide open. Hopefully he hadn’t been robbed while gone, but it was a price he’d been willing to pay to get to safety. He was still a cat when he stepped inside and the sharp scent of blood filled his nose and he stiffened to see the elf was not only still there, but passed out on the floor. His back rose with his hackles, but as he approached it quickly became clear that he was not a threat. That he was just the opposite of a threat, actually.

Assured that he really was unconscious, he allowed himself to shift back to drop to his knees beside him. He really wasn’t looking so good and he pushed some diagnostic magic into him, getting an idea of what was ailing him. Unsurprisingly, he’d lost a lot of blood, which was soaking into the dirt floor beneath them, but it seemed that was all. A simple fix, though it would’ve been even simpler if he’d taken care of it before, but he didn’t regret leaving when he did. He’d felt threatened and so he’d acted accordingly.

Placing his hand over the wound on his neck, he let his magic pour into him, closing the wound seamlessly. Then he slid an arm beneath him and pulled him up with some difficulty, limp as he was, to do the same with the one on his back. With both wounds closed, he replenished some of his blood, but there was only so much he could do with that and he would need to rest for the remainder of the night to give his body time to restore itself naturally.

As such, he drew from Justice’ power to give him enough strength to lift him without a struggle and carry him over to the table. There, he proceeded to clean the blood off of him, using water from the nearby basin and a cloth to wipe off both his skin and his armor. When he was clean, he found the breastplate he’d taken off, gave it a rinse, and put it back on him so he was decent. Then he carried him over to his own cot, set him down, and even went so far as to find a blanket to place over him. Then the next hour was spent cleaning up all of the blood on the floor.

When he was done, he dragged his desk closer to the door, so he could still make a quick escape if need be, but he’d at least shut it this time. He just hadn’t locked it. Since he didn’t plan on sleeping tonight, he occupied himself with writing, picking up where he’d left off before he’d gotten the knock earlier that night.

\---

It wasn’t until sunrise that Fenris stirred. One to usually wake up quickly and immediately check his surroundings, he woke in a very unusual way. He woke groaning and rubbing at his neck, still expecting to find a large open wound there. The wound was gone, but his body still felt like he’d been trampled by a horse. And he was incredibly dry, his mouth parched and even his eyes and sinuses aching. “Water.” He croaked, trying to open his eyes and finding his lids heavy and unwilling to cooperate. His hand groped in the direction that he usually kept wine, and rarely water, beside his own bed.

\---

At the sound of his groans, Anders sat back in his chair, looking rather tired at this point. He rose to his feet and cautiously made his way over to the cot and saw how miserable he looked. He moved away and went to get him a cup of water, returning to his side quickly. “Here,” he murmured, holding it out to his groping hand so he could take it.

\---

His finger close around the cup and he raised his head enough to put the water to his lips and gulp it down greedily. He dropped his head when he was done, seeming to have spent all of his strength getting the water into his system. He didn’t question the voice he’d heard, remembering that he’d come here the night before. And remembering that the healer had been scared to death of him. “You patched me up after all, mage.” He rasped with his eyes closed, his voice weak and his throat still terribly dry.

\---

Slipping the cup from his finger, he didn’t bother to acknowledge the comment. “Do you need more water?” he questioned, his voice still quiet. He was on edge, but he didn’t feel particularly threatened while he was still weak and recovering. “You lost a lot of blood, so you’re going to be pretty thirsty.” Without waiting for an answer, he went to refill it and brought it back to him.

\---

He would have told him that he did need more water, but he didn’t need to waste the breath. When Anders returned with a full cup, he’d managed to get his eyes open and he reached for the water eagerly. He drained this one almost as quickly, but it was clear by the way he slowed down near the end of it that he was no longer so desperate for hydration.

\---

When he was done with it, he took it from him and set it down on a nearby stand. “You should feel well enough to go back to Hightown by this afternoon,” he told him, not really looking at him beyond an objective glance to make sure he was fairing alright. “I have to open the clinic soon, but you can stay back here. No one will know you’re here.” The area he slept in was separated from the rest of the room by a screen and so he could rest in relative peace.

\---

“I’ll be going back to Hightown this morning.” He wasn’t going to lay around here all day. Not that he had anywhere else to be. But he’d spent more than enough time here. “I want to know why you were my cat for so long. If you answer my questions, I won’t bother you again. I just need to know.”

\---

“Fine.” He wasn’t going to fight the stubborn elf. The sooner he left, the better. He turned away from him, intending to get his day started, but he paused when he went on. He kept his back to him, his expression difficult to read, not that it particularly mattered when he couldn’t see it. “What is it you want to hear, Fenris? It just happened, alright?”

\---

“What do you mean it just happened? You came into my home. Night after night. That doesn’t just happen.” He sounded apprehensive, but not accusing. He knew if he came off too abrasive, as he did almost any time he spoke, he may not get any answers at all. So he kept himself reined in. It was easier to do right now while he was so weary. “Why me of all people?”

\---

With a sigh, he turned to face him, though he still wasn’t looking at him. His eyes were fixed on the sheet covering his knees, his expression unchanged. “It wasn’t something I planned. I was cornered by templars one night, so I did what I always do. I turned into a cat and ran. I ran to the closest place I knew of and that just happened to be your mansion. I only meant to hide until it was safe, but you found me and… you were kind to me. It seemed you wanted me there, so I kept coming back.”

\---

Thinking back on the night he’d met Baru, it did make sense. That the cat had been hurt and scared. That he’d even gotten scratched for trying to touch him and check his paw. “I did want you there. I trusted you in a way I’ve never trusted people, but it had been magic.” He said the word with clear distaste and shook his head. “I still struggle to believe you were Baru sometimes. I just sit in my chair and wait for him to come back like this never happened.”

\---

A slight frown tugged on his lips, feeling somewhat guilty, but he couldn’t change it. He didn’t know that he would if he could, besides perhaps being careful to not get caught. “You might consider getting an actual cat. It did you good having one.” Of everything he could have addressed, that was the only thing he was really willing to.

\---

“You weren’t an actual cat. It wouldn’t help anything to get one and I couldn’t trust it in the ways I trusted you.” He would always be guarded, knowing now that any sweet, attentive pet could be a mage studying him. “If you were just coming by because you thought I wanted you there, why were you so...affectionate with me? Like you actually wanted me to hold you?”

\---

Well, that was an uncomfortable question, wasn’t it? Coming right after the compounding guilt too. “We were friends,” he mumbled with a shrug, little inflection in his voice. He was fully aware of his use of past tense and he knew better than to think that they would ever be friends in any capacity again.

\---

That struck him and he fell quiet for a long moment. They had been friends. He’d been a better friend to him than anyone else had. He turned his head away, unable to look at him as he tried to accept that this person was the same as the cat. “I’ve never told anyone the things I told you. I just felt like I could talk to you.”

\---

“I imagine it’s easier,” he agreed, knowing full well that it was, but still speaking to his knees. “You needn’t worry about me saying anything to anyone. I know you did not truly give me your confidence, but I would not betray it.” There was some hint of an apology in there, but he knew it wasn’t enough. He was going to have to really apologize to him before this was through, but he was waiting for him to be finished with his questions.

\---

“That’s good, because then I really would have to kill you.” But this was said without any real malice. He just sounded tired. “And like I said, I’ve told no one of what you can do. The less people know, the better.” If the wrong person overheard about him turning into a cat, the templars might know just what to look for if ever he went missing. He still couldn’t stand to imagine any harm coming to Baru, even though part of him was grieving the cat as if it had died.

\---

Despite how lackluster the threat was, he took a couple steps back from him. “Then we will keep each other’s secrets.” It was getting past the time he usually opened the clinic. “I have to open the doors,” he told him, glancing up at his face briefly. “Leave when you want.” He turned away from him, but there paused. “...I’m sorry for the pain and distrust I caused you. It was not my intention.”

\---

Keeping each other’s secrets. Just like friends do. There was something grimly funny about it, but he last thing he wanted to do was laugh. He pushed himself to start sitting up, too weak to do it but very eager to go. “I...know it was not your intention.” He’d never trusted the healer’s intentions about anything really, but the good he’d done him as a cat was undeniable and he’d likely still be getting happier and healthier if he hadn’t found out it was all a farce. “You gave me more than pain and distrust. I don’t want to miss Baru, but I think I will for a very long time.”

\---

It wasn’t really what he was expecting to hear from him and he wasn’t sure what to make of it, but the simple honesty was more difficult to listen to than anger would have been. “I think he will too,” he admitted quietly, his voice finally reflecting some emotion.

Sadness.

\---

Fenris got carefully to his feet and started for the door. He’d get his sword from the floor and be on his way. But when he got near Anders, he paused for a moment, looking at him closely. Studying his eyes in a way he never really had before. He slowly reached his hand out toward him, palm up, the way he did when he asked for Baru’s paw. It was a silly test, already having seen for himself that the mage had been his cat, but he still was separating the two mentally and he needed to see if he responded the same way.

\---

He tensed when he got close, shifting his weight slightly to lean away from him, expecting the worst still. When the hand reached out, he leaned further, fear filling him, but when a beat passed and then another, he realized what he was doing. His expression struggled as he stared at the hand, his throat thickening. He lifted a trembling hand up and tentatively placed it palm down in his hand.

\---

His heart gave an unpleasantly hard skip when he mage knew just what to do. Of course he did. He curled his fingers briefly around his hand, as he always had with his paw, then released it. They were the same. He knew they were and yet, experiencing this first hand made it a lot more real to him.

\---

His eyes began to mist, but he kept them fixed firmly on his own hand, still held out in midair after it was released. It took a while for him to drop it, having never expected to speak to him again, much less to share such a meaningful touch with him. He knew better than to think it might happen again, but he wanted it to. He didn’t want to lose their friendship, he really didn’t.

With that in mind, he couldn’t help what but shift back into cat form. In front of his eyes, his body turned into one that he was intimately familiar with and he looked up at him from the ground. He meowed and shifted in a way that showed his desire to jump into his arms, but there was still something wary and anxious in him.

\---

This was insane. He’d watched him turn into the cat again, he _knew_ it was Anders without any doubt. And yet, the pain in his chest insisted it was Baru. He hesitated, but knew he wasn’t going to be able to stop himself. After a beat, he opened his arms, waiting to catch him when he jumped.

\---

When the arms opened, he leapt up into them. Normally this was all it took for him to start purring, but too much had happened for that. His chest was completely still and silent for once, but he still fell comfortably into his arms, having done it so many times that it came naturally to both of them.

\---

He embraced the cat, having thought he’d never hold him again. He shouldn’t be holding him again, reminding himself that this wasn’t a cat at all. But it felt right. Even just this moment filled a bit of the emptiness that had been weighing him down in the last few weeks. He held him a long moment then moved to gently set him down on the table. He gave his ears a hesitant scratch. “...You can come by after your clinic if you want.” They needed to talk more. But more importantly, he wanted to hold Baru a little longer.

\---

When he was set down he thought that was it and his ears fell, but they perked up when he spoke. He met his gaze and after a moment, blinked in response. He didn’t want to change back just yet, not sure he had his emotions reined in, so that was all the answer he gave him. It was as much confirmation as nod would have been, however, intentional as it had been.

\---

Fenris wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it, but at least the perked ears and look in his eyes were promising. He still looked like he had no business on his feet, but he made his way to where he dropped his sword the night before and started for the door. “Vitae benefaria, ...Anders.” He would need to stop calling him Baru, even if that was what his heart insisted.

\---

He watched him go, but remained where he was. He hadn’t moved or shifted after being set down and he didn’t intend on doing so until he was gone. He wasn’t sure how he felt about any of this, so mixed up, but it seemed that there was a glimmer of hope that they might to have...some form of relationship. A friendship still seemed impossible to him, but maybe he’d be willing to continue on as they had, pretending that he really was nothing more than a cat. It was a ridiculous thought, but it really seemed to him like the ideal, impossible solution.


	11. Chapter 11

hen it came time to close the clinic, Anders was uncertain of what he was going to do. He’d spent all day thinking about it in every free moment he went back and forth. By noon, he’d convinced himself it was a ridiculous idea and that he would continue to avoid him. Sometime midafternoon, he wasn’t so sure and telling himself that it couldn’t hurt… If nothing else, he could probably outrun him as long as he stayed a cat.

It was time to decide and if he were to reflect on it later, he wouldn’t be surprised that he locked up the door from the outside and made his way along the familiar path to the mansion. At the window he hesitated and at the doorway he hesitated, hunkered low to the ground and with his tail tucked protectively. He peered inside the room, beginning to regret his decision to come as soon as he caught sight of him, but also not fleeing.

\---

Fenris had spent the day resting, having no energy for anything else as he recovered from his blood loss. But he’d had plenty of time to think about this and try to make sense of it. He missed Baru terribly. He’d been a mess ever since he’d lost him. The only way to have him back was to try to find some way to forgive Anders and try to have some sort of relationship with him, as bizarre as the idea felt.

When he was feeling a little better, he’d gone into town, ordering two dinners from Lady Margo. She was shocked - in all the years he’d been buying her meals, he’d never gotten two before. She tried to pry a little, but he tossed her the coin and dismissed her question, taking his chicken dinners for two home.

He was at the table when Anders arrived, draining the last of his glass of wine. There were dinners set out for the both of them, not just meat on the plate for the cat but rice, veggies, and a roll as well. His heart clenched to see his cat walk in as he always used to and he waited to see if he would jump up into his lap like nothing had changed.

\---

From here, he could smell the food in the air, but he found the idea that there was anything for him absurd. He’d come at an inopportune time, that was all. He met his gaze when he looked over and after a considerable pause where nothing happened, he slowly slunk into the room, his entire body tense and nervous as he closed the distance between them. He remained on the floor, looking up at him, not willing to be so presumptuous anymore.

\---

Fenris looked every bit as apprehensive. There was still hurt in his face as well, the familiar feline eyes that he’d been so fond of staring back at him after weeks without his companion. His own eyes betrayed a warmth he’d only ever shown the cat and he patted one of his thighs after a long moment of hesitation, inviting him to jump up.

\---

The timid way he held himself lightened as he was invited up. He rose from his slight cowering, his eyes falling to his lap as his thigh was patted, drawing him in. After a moment of indecision, he hopped up into it, though there he couldn’t help but shrink again, curling up protectively, though his gaze didn’t stray from his face.

\---

There was something to right about having the weight on his l egs again. After half a year of the cat finding its way into his lap most every night, it was so good to have his old friend there once again. But this was a person. A _mage_. He kept trying to wrap his mind around it, and he should have been able to having witnessed it twice with his own eyes. But he just couldn’t. His arm draped around him to hold him close, the other hand giving him slow scratches down his back.

\---

He tensed when he was pulled in, but all it took were the scratches to help him relax. He knew just how to scratch him, without aggravating the scars on his back, and a lot of his unease faded. He began to purr, though the sound was unusually subdued. Fenris wasn’t the only one that felt strange about this - he was playing the part of a cat to someone that knew he wasn’t one. It wasn’t particularly hard to fall back into the role, but it didn’t feel quite so natural with the unspoken truth was between them.

\---

For a long moment, he was content to hold him and pet him as if nothing had changed. But he knew he had to try to accept that this was also a person. A person he’d never had any meaningful interaction with. He gently lifted him and set him on the chair beside his rather than on the table. “...You should turn back. I got you a full dinner, not just one for a cat.”

\---

When he was set down, he looked up at him expectantly, unsure of what would come next. What did come was unexpected and he blinked in confusion. He turned to look at the arrangement on the table, having to push himself up to peer over the edge of it. He saw the loaded plate and then looked back to Fenris, his head tilting in curiosity. He lowered back down, not understanding why he would want him to to turn back. He only liked him as a cat, so if he was going to be here, why wouldn’t he want him to stay a cat?

\---

“...I need to accept that you’re...you. And not Baru.” He reached over give his back a reassuring stroke before drawing his hand back again. “So just eat with me as Anders. Then you can turn back if you want.”

\---

He was reluctant, but with the explanation, he gave him what he wanted. He shifted on top of the chair, his body adjusting to the change so that by the time he was done, he was sitting where the cat had been moments before. He couldn’t bring himself to look at him like this, so he scooted away just a breath, his eyes fixed on the plate in front of him. “Thanks,” he murmured, his voice quiet.

\---

“You’re welcome.” He’d shared meals with him from the night he’d met him as a cat. It seemed the best way to start. He started into his own meal, eager to get something in his stomach to help replenish him further after his injuries. “Do you speak Tevene?”

\---

He pulled it a little closer and started in on it slowly. It’d been awhile since he’d had a proper dinner like this, most of his food coming from the meat-filled meals that Fenis provided him. Not that he was complaining - he’d enjoyed all of the food and it’d done him a world of good. The question made his brows lift and he glanced over at him, though only briefly, “No… I can read it roughly, but I never learned to speak it.”

\---

“I imagine much of what I said was very confusing then.” It made him feel a little better that at least some of the things he’d said were still secrets. “Even your name was Tevene. It’s probably strange to be named by someone as an adult.” Especially someone you hated. Though how much Anders would have hated him by the time he’d given him a name, he wasn’t sure.

\---

“I usually got the gist, I think,” he replied, taking little bites of the vegetables and savoring them, since it’d been awhile since he’d had any. His manner of eating was far different from when he was a cat and he wasn’t scarfing what he’d been given. “Not really. I was a cat, it was different… Did it mean something in particular?” he asked, since he figured that it must.

\---

“It did. Yi H’la Baru. ‘My little wanderer’.” He’d never been asked by any of the others what it had meant and he was a little self-conscious telling him now. He lowered his eyes to his plate, suddenly growing very interested in his food rather than the mage.

\---

A slight flush colored his face, but it was accompanied by a slight smile. “Fitting.” It seemed he approved. He wasn’t sure what to say to him so he didn’t push for conversation, content to eat in silence. He never would have imagined sitting beside him, sharing a meal like this, so it was more than he could have hoped for after his tentative attempts to break the barrier between them had gone unsuccessful.

\---

“I thought so.” Fenris fell into silence after that, content to enjoy his meal for what it was. But he’d gotten so used to splitting his meals with Baru, that he’d found himself unable to finish them since the cat had been gone. He ate until he was full, then pushed the leftover meat, a similar portion to what he used to give the cat, onto Anders’ plate.

\---

When Fenris leaned over to put the meat onto his plate, he leaned away, his heart skipping a beat, but when he realized what he was doing, he gave him an odd look. It slowly shifted into another smile, a little bigger this time, and he murmured another thanks to him and continued to eat, including what he’d been given. It took him a while to finish it and by the time he was done, he was uncomfortably full and he leaned back into the chair and slouched a little.

\---

He could see that Anders was bemused by what he’d done, but he was pleased that he’d obliged him. He really couldn’t make sense of what he was doing himself, just that he needed to find some way to accept this if he wanted a little bit of the happiness he’d gotten from Baru back in his life. He’d refilled his wine glass as he’d eaten and he finished draining it once more now that the meal was done. He didn’t know what to say, so he simply studied the mage for a long moment before he filled his glass again.

\---

He felt eyes on him and he glanced over at him, but it was really was difficult to look at him for long. Even when Fenris looked away to tend to his glass, his own gaze dropped to his lap where he fiddled with his robes absently. “So… should I leave?” He really didn’t know what to expect from him at this point - he continued to surprise him - so he was going to stop assuming and just ask.

\---

“You can if you want to. You’ve always been free to come and go as you please.” As a cat, anyway. “But you can stay if you want. I think I’m going to go sit by the fire. You can sit with me.” But he made no move to do so yet. Instead, he continued to drink. Whether the mage would want to sit elsewhere or on his lap as a cat, if he even stayed at all, he had no idea.

\---

At this point, the invitation wasn’t as surprising and he did want to stay, but he still felt uncertain. “Do you want me to stay like this?” He’d said he wanted to get use to this, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he changed his mind and realized he couldn’t stand him in this form.

\---

At the question, his eyes rose to Anders. He didn’t answer him right away, having no idea what it was he wanted or needed from this. “...I don’t know. I need to get my head around this. But I miss my cat.” Terribly. That was why any of this was worth it. Why he didn’t choke the life out of the mage for betraying his trust.

\---

He shifted uncomfortably in the chair, his fingers clutching at his robes and wrinkling them in his palm. “I’ll just-… It’s easier.” He shifted back into a cat, knowing that this was how he was wanted in the end. From there, he hopped down from the chair and made his way over to the fire, sitting down in front of it and waiting for the elf.

\---

Fenris emptied his wine glass and stood from the table, leaving the glass behind and carrying the bottle over to his chair with him. He wasn’t drunk, but there was a stagger to his walk to suggest he’d had too much for the shape his body was in. He settled into his chair, then looked down to the cat, once again giving his leg a pat in invitation.

\---

There wasn’t as much hesitation for him to respond this time and he hopped into his lap, circling around as he often did to find a comfortable spot, and then laying down. He wasn’t nearly as relaxed as usual and while he’d normally be purring from that much contact alone, but all was silent outside of the crackling fire.

\---

His hand sank into the fur, as it always had, and he found himself stroking and scratching him as he always had. Petting him had become a reliable relief of his stress and stressed as he was now, he couldn’t help but do it. He tried to remind himself that this was a person. That this was no different than rubbing his hand all over a man’s body and the idea made him a little ill. But he had missed this and he couldn’t bring himself to stop, wanting to feel as he had before he knew the truth about this.

\---

The touch was all it took to get him going, but like before, it was reserved. He’d always been responsive to his affection, but this time he just took it. It felt good and it eased the knots that had tangled up his insides. He’d been so resigned that he’d felt almost numb, but there wasn’t a doubt that it’d hurt him to lose this. The idea that they could still have it, even if it would never be quite the same, was soothing wounds that he’d pushed deep down.

\---

His fingers stroked slowly through the fur, relieved to have this back in some way, even if it didn’t feel right. He reached for his wine with the other hand, taking a generous drink of it. If he had enough, this could probably be as it always had. The purring helped a little, the soft, familiar rumble a welcome comfort.

\---

  
After a while, the purring grew louder as his body relaxed, going increasingly limp, his head falling to rest against his lap. He was exceedingly tired after not having slept the night before and terrified as he’d been around him, it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep and be entire vulnerable with him.

\---

He continued to stroke him, constantly chasing away thoughts of touching another man. This was his cat. This was different. He kept drinking the longer he sat that, which made it easier to drown the parts of this that didn’t feel right to him. He’d missed the cat falling asleep in his lap like this and he wanted to enjoy it in case this was the only night he’d have it back.

\---

A few hours later, the still body on Fenris’ lap began to shift and with a yawn, he lifted his head and stretched. He did what came naturally and rolled to his side, letting his limbs strain and then relax. He felt the warm body he was on and continued the roll to his back, looking up at him, but then he went still, seeming to remember what had happened.

\---

Fenris looked down to him when he woke, seeing the uncertainty in the feline’s eyes. His own expression was hard to read, but he gave his chest a little scratch to reassure him. He was safe with him, he wasn’t the danger to the mage he would have been under other circumstances.

\---

The scratch worked as intended and he decided it was okay to remain on his back. Since it seemed he wouldn’t rip his head off for behaving as he normally did, he lowered his head to brush it against the hand in a tentative show of returned affection.

\---

His lips quirked up ever so slightly when the affection was returned. He scratched his ears and watched him, looking a little sad but mostly serene. “I missed you.” The words were a whisper and a vulnerable confession he would never have made sober. But he’d had time to get through enough wine that it felt like a good idea to tell him the truth of it.

\---

Unlike when he was human, he met his gaze without wavering. The words lingered in the air for a while and then he rose up to his feet so he could press his paws against his chest and bring their faces close. If he missed him, this was okay, he told himself. He brushed his cheek against his jaw and then gave him a lick, telling him how he felt in his own way.

\---

Part of him felt like this had been pity on Anders’ part. That he’d really only kept coming by because he felt like he’d wanted him there. That he had some sort of obligation to keep him company. But he’d seen enough affection from the cat to feel like that wasn’t true. They were friends, as he’d said. The nuzzle and the lick were all the more reassuring and he found himself wrapping his arms around the cat to hold him to his chest.

\---

With every shared touch, he was growing increasingly heartened. His snuggled against him, his head rubbing with an eagerness that showed just how happy he was to be so close to him after weeks of isolating himself from everyone to avoid him. His licked at his cheek between every few nudges, the affection more concentrated than any he’d ever offered him.

\---

It was so good to feel like Baru missed him as well. He kissed the top of his head, Anders’ head as he tried to remind himself, and buried his face in his fur. He still had a lot of issues with this to work through, but it was better than being alone.

\---

  
With the face pressed into him, he couldn't continue licking his cheek, so instead he licked his ear. It took a while for him to slow down, but when he did, he rested his head against him, purring deeply.

\---

The sandpaper sensation on his ear made him shiver, but he didn't stop it. He just wanted to hold him like this and enjoy that the cat seemed to miss him too. He wanted to rest with him and let the rumbling purr soothe him. If Anders would stay like this, he would be content to stay this way until morning.

\---

He was still tired and having calmed down, it didn't take long for his mind to fog. He didn't fall asleep like he did before, rather he drifted in and out of naps, shifting a little each time he woke, but staying pressed against his chest, his purring going in and out each time.

\---

He was used to feeling the cat slip in and out of sleep. It helped to relax him further and eventually he lowered his arms to just let the cat rest in them without his face buried in his fur. He tipped his head back against his chair and closed his eyes. This was exactly what he needed and he was content to spend his nights this way even if something in the back of his mind insisted on reminding him that this was a mage he was cradling.

\---

When the room began to lighten, Anders raised his head from where he was resting it, amber eyes blinking as he shook off the dregs of his last nap, which had been the longest since he’d been pulled into his arms. He yawned and brushed his head against the arm closest to it, before slipping out of them onto his lap. He stretched and then sat on his haunches, busying himself with grooming and even going so far as to stick a leg out to lick his own stomach.

\---

Fenris opened his eyes when the cat began to move. As he groomed himself, he moved a hand to scratch between his shoulder blades. “You'll have to tell me some time how you can stand that. I would think that would feel very unpleasant on your stomach.” It was a very tender place for a tongue of sandpaper. “Do you want breakfast before you go?”

\---

He straightened up and turned his head to look at him, his tail flicking against his middle. He meowed and then hopped down from his lap, giving another stretch, before making his way over to the table. It seemed that he meant to do this how they always did, not wanting to turn back to himself while he was here.

\---

Fenris got up to follow, moving to his cupboard to grab some jerky for him. Perhaps he'd have to get back to his habit of having fish on hand. He got a plate for him and set it on the table, seeming fine with letting him eat as he was.

\---

He hopped up onto the table and went to the plate. Unlike the night before, he made quick work of the jerky, all of this far more familiar when he wasn’t himself. There was no juices on the plate to lick away, but he still lapped at it briefly, before running his tongue over his muzzle instead. It was time to go, but remained where he was to look at the elf, uncertain if this was it or if this meant that there would continue to be a relationship between them.

\---

Fenris looked unsure of what to do with himself. He frowned down at the floor, knowing that this could be the end of it. It probably should be the end of it, pretending this was still his cat was insane. But it was better than being alone. “I'll have more for you to eat if you want to come back.” He doubted he'd want to return that night. But maybe he would some time.

\---

With that, he hopped off the table, wounded his way around his legs, as he often did in farewell, and hurried out of the room. He would continue to come for as long as he wanted and maybe with enough time, there wouldn’t be any awkwardness. They could continue to live their double lives, but this time together.

\---

Fenris had brightened just slightly when the cat weaved around his legs. Perhaps things wouldn't change. Maybe they could keep pretending if it made them both happy. He went back to his chair and settled into it, deciding he’d get a little more rest before heading out for the day.


	12. Chapter 12

After being discovered, he’d anticipated having his spinal cord snapped, but in a surprising twist, nothing changed. Okay, maybe not _nothing_ , but the truth was that little had. Weeks passed and they’d fallen right back into their routine. Every night he stopped by and every morning he left. Their interactions had changed little, though Fenris had taken to calling him by his actual name.

It was strange and Anders wasn’t really fond of it since it wasn’t as if he wanted him around. He wanted Baru, that was all.

Another difference, not as obvious, was that Fenris hadn’t opened up to him since he found out the truth. It wasn’t really something that Anders had noticed, since it wasn’t as if he’d gone around spilling all his secrets to him all the time, but there had not been a meaningful ‘conversation’ between them since.

This evening was meant to be like every one before it, but Anders’ luck had finally run out. Careful as he was, he’d gotten comfortable in what was a predictable routine and he didn’t know that he’d been spotted a few nights before. It didn’t take long for the them to recognize the patterns in his movements and when he turned the corner that lead to the his window, always left open for him, he found himself face to face with a templar.

The ambush was not unlike the night that had seen him fleeing into the safety of Fenris’ mansion, but this time he was already a cat. His hackles rose and with a hiss, he began to back up, unaware that there was not one, but three templars behind him. A foot swung and he flew through the air, striking the wall and then the ground with a pained yowl. The templar that had stopped his path strode forward and grabbed him by his scruff and he writhed wildly, spitting and snarling as he struggled to claw anything he could.

Unfortunately, his claws met only metal and he made another dismayed sound when something was splashed over his face. It ran into his eyes and his nose, stinging both terribly, but as soon as it was in his system, he felt his power draining and with it, his ability to maintain his form. He was thrown to the ground as his body shifted back, leaving him face down on the laid stone with his hands braced against it. Another foot swung out, perhaps the same one, and struck him harshly in the side.

\---

Fenris had been cleaning out more of the rotted furniture - a project he was feeling up to working on again now that his friend was back - when he heard the commotion. It sounded like Baru and yet they were sounds he'd never heard come out of his cat before.

He grabbed his sword and walked to the window his cat always used, looking out to see Anders shifting back, surrounded by templars and catching a kick in the ribs from one of them. His lips pulled back into a snarl and the elf leapt out the window, reaching the pack of templars in a blur of blue light that lit up the streets.

He heard one of the men question what sort of abomination he was, but he didn't give the templar long to wonder. Soon he was painting the street and the nearby buildings in red, slicing into the attackers and pulling out their innards. It was a quick fight and Fenris panted softly as the last one fell. For all the mess of slaughter on the streets, only one blow had actually landed on him when an armored fist had caught him in the jaw. His chin was bruising and his lip was split, inspiring him to spit a mouthful of blood onto the lifeless face of one of the men.

“Come, Baru. Can you walk?” Fenris asked the mage on the ground, offering him a hand and not even noticing what he'd called him.

\---

The glow that took the darkness out of the night had stopped his heart and as soon as the fight started, he was struggling to push himself up, but a dead templar had ended up falling over his legs and it was only with a lot of writhing that he was able to push the heavily armored man off of him. By then, Fenris had slaughtered all of them and he ended up covered in blood just from being nearby as they dropped like flies.

When approached, he shrank a little, his heart pounding against his ribs, but the name reminded him of who he was and what he’d just done for him. He took it and winced as he was helped to his feet, his free hand falling to clutch at his side. “I think they broke something, but I’m fine.” He was a little unsteady on his feet, surveying the scene around them with some dismay. “We have to move them… It’s right outside your mansion. If more come and find them here, they’ll come looking.”

\---

“Then heal yourself and we'll get it done.” Fenris took his hand back once he was upright and looked around, listening for any more armored footsteps. He watched the mage impatiently, holstering his gory, dripping sword onto his back to free up his hands.

\---

“I can’t. They threw magebane on me when they got a hold of me.” His eyes still stung a little and he lifted his released hand to rub at them. “Let’s just move them.” He wouldn’t be as much of a help as if he weren’t injured, but he wasn’t about to let them discover what had happened here. He didn’t know how they’d spotted in the first place, but he was going to have to be more careful… They knew what he was and he doubted that these templars were the only ones. They’d all undoubtedly been on the lookout for a cat with his color wandering around Hightown for some time now.

\---

“If you can't heal yourself, you won't be fast enough. If we run into more…” Fenris shook his head and started back toward his manor. “Come on. You're going to wait inside while I handle this. I'll leave you with my sword so you have some way to defend yourself.” Not that anyone he didn't know had the guts to step foot in his manor.

\---

He began to follow after him, but his brows lifted at the mention of his sword. “Fenris, I couldn’t swing that thing even if I wasn’t injured,” he sounded almost amused, but there was more anxiety than anything in his voice. “I didn’t mean to bring trouble to your door, I should be helping you to clean up the mess… or leaving so I don’t cause more.”

\---

“The sword might be enough to scare anyone off. I'll give you a knife in case it doesn't.” Fenris turned around and scowled at him, spitting another mouthful of blood on the ground. “Leaving? You want to leave while you have no magic to protect yourself and they're actively hunting you?” He beckoned impatiently and started walking to the door again. “You're going to stay inside and I will deal with this.”

\---

He didn’t want to cause him any more trouble, but he wasn’t going to argue. He didn’t really want to be trying to get back to Darktown at this time of night and following another run in with those bastards. “Fine, but you’re taking your sword with you. You know what kind of people are running around at this time of night. I’ll be fine. I have my staff - I’ll whack anyone who tries to come in on the head.”

\---

“Anyone with armor won't be intimidated by a stick.” Fenris lead Anders inside and to the table where their dinner had been waiting. Steamed rice and vegetables for himself, shrimp on the plate meant for his cat. He rummaged in his pantry and found a dagger - a curved, wicked blade with a gold hilt, studded with jewels. Definitely something Isabela would covet rather than the elf. He offered it to Anders. “I'll take the sword, you hold onto this til I get back.”

\---

He made his way over to the table and sat down slowly, wincing as the movement aggravated his ribs. When the dagger was offered to him, he took it, but immediately set it down on the table beside him. “I’ll be fine, Fenris. Just… hurry, okay?” His brows were furrowed in concern.

\---

“I'll be back before long.” It would take some time to hide that many bodies on his own and that was if he did it without any interference. “Just stay put until I get back.” He started out then, eager to get it done and return for the night.

\---

He watched him go and after staring at the doorway for a time, his gaze dropped to his lap. He couldn’t keep coming here if he was going to be ambushed every few months… With a sigh, he shut his eyes and sat slumped, waiting for him to return. He knew that the warrior could take care of himself, but he didn’t want him caught disposing of so many templars. He could get into a lot of trouble if the wrong person found him.

\---

It was a couple hours later that Fenris returned. He was even more gory than when he'd left, but despite all the blood, he didn't look much worse for wear himself, barring the way he avoided putting weight on his right foot. “It's taken care of. I'll walk you back to your clinic in the morning.” He had started toward the table but went instead to the basin of water nearby. He'd intended to wash his few unbroken dishes in it but instead he started to rinse the blood from his face and hands.

\---

The more time passed, the more worried he became. At one point, he’d gotten up to go to the window and peek out, to see him making progress, before returning to the room. He was tired, so rather than sit at the table, he lowered down on the floor. The blood on him was drying, but he didn’t want to get it everywhere, so the floor seemed to be the best spot to lay. He felt awful and though his mana stores would slowly return as the magebane wore off, it always took longer when he was injured.

His eyes opened when Fenris stepped into the room and he was relieved to see him, though he didn’t move. “Thank you,” he murmured, watching him clean up. “Are you okay? It took a while…”

\---

“I'm fine. Met another set of templars on the way, but they're dealt with.” Perhaps if enough templars went missing around his home, they'd learn their lesson and stay away. “Why are you lying on the floor? If you need to rest, you know where my bed is.”

\---

That made him frown, but he didn’t linger on the subject. “I’m covered in blood. I didn’t want to get it all over your stuff.” A hand reached into his robes and he pulled out a vial. “Come here… I have something you can take.” The elfroot potion would do Fenris more good than it would him - it wasn’t particularly great at mending broken bones.

\---

Fenris finished washing off the worst of the mess on himself before he moved to the mage. He'd never been argumentative about taking potions and he took this one without hesitating, swallowing it in a couple gulps and setting it aside. “Now get up. I'll buy new sheets. You're not going to spend the night on the floor.” He offered a hand to him again.

\---

As he began to approach, Anders had pushed himself up to sitting with a sharp inhale, his expression pulling with pain, but once he was actually up, it eased. He held it out to him and watched him take it, satisfied that the few wounds he’d acquired would heal much quicker. By morning, they would both be fine.

He took the hand as it was offered to him and again, the movement was less than pleasant, but on his feet he relaxed. “I’d really rather not soil your bed, is there something else I can wear? Or even just an extra blanket. I can make a makeshift robe…” He wasn’t opposed to laying on his bed, though he wasn’t sure where Fenris would sleep then. Perhaps his chair.

\---

“I have a blanket.” He pulled his hand back when the other was steady, then lead him to his seldom-used bed. He grabbed an even less frequently used blanket and handed it over to Anders before stepping back into the hall keeping his back to him to give him privacy. He was still limping but already the potion had eased the pain with walking a little.

\---

He stripped out of his clothing, leaving only his smallclothes behind, and pulled the blanket around himself. It wasn’t much, but it would do. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked over to where Fenris was standing, somewhat amused that he’d gone so far to give him space. “You can come back in,” he called, before easing himself down to the bed. There was sweat on his forehead from all the movement, but the bed felt so much better on his body than the floor had.

\---

The elf came back into the room when the man spoke up, looking around as if unsure of what to do with himself. He sat down on the edge of the bed, deciding there was enough space and few other seating options where he could keep an eye on the mage. “Hungry?”

\---

He hadn’t expected him to join him, but it was nice that he didn’t just pretend he wasn’t there while he was like this. “Not really, no. You should eat, though.” He’d not touched anything that was on the table, so the warrior could have it all. After all of his fighting and hauling bodies around, he needed it.

\---

“I'm fine. I'll put it away so we can eat in the morning before we go.” But he was clearly in no hurry to get up to do that. He looked down to him, a frown on his lips. “I'll start walking you back and forth for these visits. That won't be the last ambush unless you stop travelling alone.”

\---

“Okay, it’ll be breakfast then.” he murmured, finding that decision agreeable. His eyes were fixed on him and he studied the frown, wondering the cause of it. His assumption was that it due to having a mage in his bed. An actual mage. He’d long since learned that his assumptions were usually wrong and this proved no different when Fenris spoke up. A slow smile warmed his expression as he looked up at him.

“I feel like I shouldn’t be surprised and yet I am.” He hadn’t spoken to him since their silent agreement that he would continue to come and it felt strange, but right. “I like that idea better than the alternative,” he admitted, unwilling to end these visits, before going on, “I don’t know how to thank you. If you hadn’t been there or decided to step in...” It was something he didn’t want to think about, but the possibility was always there in the back of his mind. “I-... Thank you.”

\---

“I would not have left you to them.” Perhaps several months ago, he would have. But even before he found out the truth about Baru, he’d been less hateful in general once the cat had made his nights more pleasant. “I can walk you back in the morning and then meet you at the clinic tomorrow night.”

\---

He continued to smile at him, a lot of the anxiety that had been lingering inside him was easing away. “I’d invite you to stay with me, but I suppose that doesn’t make much sense, does it? Usually the cat stays with the person, not the other way around.” Not to mention this was an actual home… for the most part. Unlike his clinic, which was more of a workshop that he slept in for lack of anywhere to go. Though not so much anymore, obviously.

\---

“Maybe we can stay there once in awhile. Your cot isn’t very big, but you don’t take up much space.” His fingers rose to touch the spot where his lip had split, pleased that a lot of the sting was gone. “I’ll just have to bring dinner and wine along with me.”

\---

He doubted it would happen, but it was a nice thought. “I’ll turn back as soon as I can,” he assured him, knowing it would be a lot more comfortable for both of them if he could return to his normal form. Odd to think that he would consider being a cat normal. Still, this wasn’t so bad and he did like being able to actually speak to him, even if they shared so much more without words on a regular basis.

\---

“Save your magic to heal yourself. You can be my cat again tomorrow.” Fenris gave a dismissive wave of his hand. He missed Baru, but the mage had to recover. “Just rest. I’ll keep an eye out, but I’m not expecting any trouble in here. It’s been a very long time since anyone tried to break into this place.”

\---

He didn’t really want to sleep tonight, knowing that it was likely the templars would visit him in his dreams, they always did after these kinds of close calls, but he could rest. “I’m not worried,” he told him, since he really wasn’t. Fenris had taken care of it and there was no reason why trouble should find them. If it did, he had the strongest warrior in Kirkwall with the largest broadsword in Kirkwall nearby - he’d be fine. Without putting thought into it, his hand reached out and took hold of Fenris’ lightly, creating a simple connection between them.

\---

The elf was surprised by the uninvited touch his instinct was to pull away, but this was the person who was also his Baru. He wouldn’t be getting his time with the cat tonight and he considered that this touch was not all that different from a feline paw touching his jaw or a little nuzzle between them. After a beat, his fingers curled to hold his hand in return. It was strange, but not unpleasant.

\---

Only when the touch was returned did it register what a big deal it was. His eyes fell to where there hands were held and he stared for a time. “...Do you want to lay down?” he asked quietly, speaking to their hands, though his eyes flicked up after the question was posed. He was nervous, uncertain if that was going too far, but if he was really his friend, not just his ‘person’, was this really any different than when he was a cat? He knew it was, he just didn’t see why it meant they couldn’t be close like this too, especially if Fenris would continue being kind to him.

\---

There was another hesitation, this one a little longer, before he nodded. He did want to lay down. It was nice to curl up with Baru at night. But he had no idea how to lie beside a man. He eased himself down onto the mattress, clearly unsure of what to do in the way he was tensed and kept fidgeting to take up as little space as possible, their touching hands the only contact between them.

\---

He could see how uncomfortable he was and he felt a little bad, but reminded himself that he’d nodded. He’d laid down because he wanted to. There were many ways he could try to ease his discomfort, but all of them ran the risk of making it worse. He didn’t want to do that, so it was tempting to do nothing at all, but he decided to show him that he was wanted. Whether it helped or not, he would at least know that he wanted him to stay close.

“I’m sure you’ve gathered from the purring, but my favorite place is in your arms,” he admitted quietly, though the way it came out made him a little flustered.

\---

The words made his eyes widen and his cheeks warmed in a way he was extremely unfamiliar with. He’d certainly noticed, but it was when Anders was the cat. It was different. Wasn’t it? He was baffled by it, but it was clear what the mage was trying to tell him. Deciding it was worth trying, and more comfortable than the rigid way he was holding himself away from him, he shifted a little closer and draped an arm over him. “I don’t know. Sometimes you purr louder when I feed you.” He snorted, trying to help his own nerves with humor.

\---

The positive response made him feel better about blurting something that could have been misconstrued to disastrous effect, though was it possible to misconstrue something that was the truth? The joke made him chuckle and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was dreaming. This all seemed so… unlikely. All of it.

It seemed more likely that he’d been in the thrall of a demon for months, than for any of this to be really happening.

“Good point. Then my favorite place is your table, followed by your arms. I think I’ve eaten more at your table than I have in all my time at Kirkwall,” he laughed, speaking casually as if it wasn’t a problem. “Speaking of, actually, I have something for you.”

\---

“It’s been good for you.” As unobservant as he typically was of the healer, even he’d noticed the improvement in the mage’s face. How it had lost some of its gauntness and he no longer had such stark circles under his eyes. Anders’ smiles and laughs eased his tension somewhat, but he looked no less grim than he had the moment he’d sat down. “...Something for me?”

\---

“It’s not much,” he was quick to qualify, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. “It’s in my robes. It’s just a few silver… I wasn’t planning on giving it to you tonight, so I thought I’d have more saved by the time I did, but… I’ll keep saving what I can.” What he had to offer probably barely covered a week’s worth of meals, but he wanted to pay him back for all he’d spent on him.

\---

For a moment, he was confused as to what coin had to do with his table. When he realized he meant to pay him back, he snorted. “Keep your coin. I took responsibility for you, you don’t owe me for the food.” He didn’t have much to spend his mission rewards on, so he splurged on food. He had plenty of gold stored up for when he had to run and he wasn’t worried about saving everything he could the way he used to when he didn’t have two silvers to rub together. “I feed you because I want to.”

\---

“I understand, but I _want_ to pay you back. The only reason you took responsibility for me is because you didn’t know who I was. It’s righting a wrong.” He insisted, his hand squeezing the one held in his.

\---

“But when I found out who you were, I continued to feed you. Really, you don’t need to pay me back.” He returned the squeeze, then decided to do what he would if his hand was buried in Baru’s fur - he ran his thumb slowly over his skin. “If you feel you need to make it up to me, you can buy dinner some time.”

\---

He frowned a little, but nodded. “Very well, but you’re no longer paying for the potions and salves you take from me.” He was getting mixed messages on how the warrior was feeling. The thumb stroking his hand seemed to indicate one thing and his expression seemed to indicate another, so he was left simply taking this for what it was worth.

\---

The elf didn't realize he was sending such mixed signals, but his thoughts were every bit as mixed. Part of him was really struggling with lying with a man, a _mage,_ but the rest of him knew this was the same person who brought him comfort. “That is a fair trade. I was going to pay you in the morning for that potion you gave me earlier.” His jaw was still discolored, but the swelling had gone down considerably already.

\---

“I never did like taking your coin, you just weren’t worth the trouble of arguing with,” he told him, offering him a slight smile once more. “Though I do suppose you use up more of my stores than the rest of them. I just heal them and be done with it.” He didn’t really mind. He’d gotten use to it and he’d learned the source of his behavior and he couldn’t be frustrated with him for it.

\---

“I suppose I'm probably your best customer for those.” He lowered his eyes to their hands, unable to meet his gaze. But the slow strokes of his thumb continued. “Though you probably didn't know why until I told Baru. I know it's foolish because I've experienced for myself that your healing magic is different.”

\---

“It’s not foolish,” he told him, pulling their hands up between them, hoping to coax his gaze up with it. “I didn’t understand it until you told me, but I know what it’s like. I’ve not experienced it, but I’ve studied it. I’ve seen it. I know that it’s painful and fear is not always logical. I know that well.”

\---

His eyes rose to meet Anders’ but they were clearly troubled. “I never told anyone about the way he liked to heal me. I don't talk to anyone about anything, really. I don't know why I said those things to you, but you were easy to talk to. I didn't think you could understand me, but I felt like you were listening.”

\---

“I was,” he told him, but in case he might take that the wrong way he quickly continued, “I was listening as a friend.” He didn’t want him to think he’d use what he heard to take advantage of him. “There were times I wanted to respond to you, but I knew that I couldn’t. All I could do was listen, but it seemed to help or I hope it did.” Knowing he was toeing a dangerous line, he pulled up his hand and gave the back of it a kiss that was meant to be reassuring. “You need friends, Fenris. You should open yourself up to the others, you would be so much happier for it.”

\---

Fenris looked at him in surprise, misinterpreting what he meant by the kiss to his skin. “You don't need to do that, you owe me no such reverence.” He only knew it to be a sign of high respect. Though he'd seen Hawke kiss Isabela’s hand once or twice, he hadn't understood why. “Your listening did help. I don't need to open myself to anyone, mage. You are enough.”

\---

He blinked at him and then flushed, not sure what he meant by reverence, but understanding that he should not do it again. “Sorry,” he replied simply, lowering their hands and loosening his hold. “Cats, while possibly the most wonderful creatures in this world, are not enough,” he challenged, looking at him rather seriously. “You’re too quick to isolate yourself and if a cat can do you that much good, a person would do better. They’re good people, you know that - most of them, anyway.” This was a lecture he could be giving himself, the way he was, but he’d at least forged connections with a couple of them - more than Fenris had.

\---

“But you're not a cat, as I've recently discovered. You're a person and you are enough.” No one else needed to know him the way the mage did. He frowned deeper and found himself moving in closer to tuck his face against Anders’ shoulder the way he would tuck his face into Baru’s fur.

\---

He stilled when the elf came close, not expecting it, but when he actually rested against him, he softened. “I’m not,” he agreed, “But to you, that is what I am. A cat. I would like to be more… For some time now, I've wanted to really be your friend.” He hadn't thought it possible, but perhaps he was being proven wrong yet again.

\---

“We're here aren't we? If I didn't like you, I'd have killed you and gotten a real cat. Or at least left you lying on the floor by yourself until you could be my Baru again.” He mumbled into his shoulder, his hand still resting comfortably in Anders’. This wasn't the same as cuddling up with the cat, yet in some ways he knew it was the same. Perhaps that was why he still found some sort of comfort in this, strange as it was.

\---

The casual mention of killing him made him stiffen. It wasn't surprising to hear, which is why he'd feared him so, but it didn't make him feel particularly comfortable being around him. “I suppose so,” he muttered, to himself more than anything. It was easier to focus on his actions and not his words, so he tried to do just that.

\---

He could feel the tension in the mage and it made him feel a little better. He didn't necessarily want Anders to fear him, but it made sharing a bed with him right now a little more comfortable. “...You're still afraid of me. Is that why you kissed my hand? Do you feel you have to be subservient so I don't turn on you?”

\---

His eyes widened and he looked down at him, “What? Subservient? It’s not- I was just trying to-...” he waffled, not knowing what to say to that. He was blushing as he tried to explain himself, realizing he didn't really know _why_ he’d done it. Nothing he could say sounded right. “It was to show you-... Look, it had nothing to do with subservience, just forget I did it, okay?”

\---

Fenris pulled away a little and looked up to him. His own cheeks were coloring as he realized his incorrect assumption. “But you- ...I think it means something different here than it does in Tevinter. I've seen Hawke kiss the pirate’s hands and I don't think she's above him in station…”

\---

“I know that it can sometimes be a sign of respect to someone of a high station, such as a lord or a king, but that isn’t how most people use it here,” he explained, though he still wasn’t explaining why he’d done it. The smile he offered him was strained, beginning to feel unbearably awkward and uncomfortable. Fenris wasn’t wrong - he was still afraid of him.

\---

“I apologize. I shouldn't have assumed. I didn't know it had another meaning.” He thought back to the conversation they'd been having and tilted his head slightly. “Is it something between friends then? An assurance that you care and that you're listening?”

\---

“Something like that,” he agreed, though that was simplifying it, which was fine by him. “It can mean different things… Between Hawke and Isabela, it’s more of a sign of affection. It just depends…”

\---

“I understand. Between us, it is friendship.” To show his acceptance of this answer, he raised their joined hands, kissing the back of Anders’. It was very brief and it was clearly strange for him, but for the first time that night he gave a soft chuckle. “That is the first time I’ve ever done that because I wanted to.”

\---

“...You’re confusing me,” he admitted, really not understanding what was happening at this point. The kiss was unexpected and added to the stream of mixed signals he was getting. He kept his hand wrapped around his, but he was too anxious to do anything further.

\---

“I was just returning the gesture…” He frowned, no longer sure that he should have done it. “Kaffas.” The elf shook his head and buried his face in the pillow. It was no wonder he didn’t open up to the others. At least he’d figured out how to interact with a cat.

\---

Anders sighed, letting go of him. “I understand that, I just… I don’t know how to take you! I tried to be your friend before, you wanted nothing to do with me. I try to be your friend now, you look utterly miserable. It seems like you’re somewhere roughly between ripping my head off and giving me a hug. It’s confusing. I don’t know if you still hate me, if you tolerate me because I’m your cat, or if you’ve had a sudden change of heart and decided that I’m not so bad. I don’t know!”

\---

When Anders let him go, he withdrew his arm from around him, tucking himself into taking up as little of the bed as possible as he had when he first laid down. “I don’t hate you.” That was first and foremost. He’d hated him once, but those days were over. “I want what I have with Baru with you. It shouldn’t be so difficult, I know you’re one in the same, but I don’t know how to be close to anyone. And the only times I’ve ever been touched by a man…” He trailed off there, giving the slightest of shudders. “Just be patient with me.”

\---

He grimaced, suddenly realizing that pushing any kind of physical contact had been a bad idea. No wonder he’d looked so troubled. With a wince, he scooted over to give even more space between them, creating a wide gap that saw them both on the edge of the bed on either side. “Don’t worry about that,” he replied quickly, wanting to make it clear that he had no such expectations. “We can keep that to when I’m a cat. I just want your friendship… no different than it would be with Varric or Hawke…”

\---

“I want that with you. Not just as a cat.” Fenris confided into his pillow, his voice quiet. “I just need to go slowly. I know _you_ wouldn’t...do anything like that. But it’s just like it is with the healing. I just need you to be patient.”

\---

“...Okay, well, I’ll let you decide what seems right to you.” He wasn’t going to try to push for anything, especially not after what he’d just learned. He felt guilty, but it wasn’t as if he could have known and even if he had, he hadn’t meant anything by it. Taking his hand and encouraging him to come close - all he wanted was to share with him what he did with Baru.

\---

“...Thank you.” He finally looked to him again, then reached out, offering his hand. “This seemed right. Can we start with this?” Holding his hand had been a little strange at first. But it was contact that didn’t feel wrong. It was a simple connection unlike anything he’d felt before.

\---

His eyes found the offered hand and he slowly took it, wrapping them together, though he avoided weaving fingers. That would be too much. “Yeah, whatever you want,” he assured him, letting their hands rest between them. The fact that he was holding hands with him at all would have been insane to him weeks ago.

\---

As their hands came together, he began to relax. The touch was nice, and more importantly, it felt safe, and the rigid posture eased until he finally looked comfortable for the first time that night. He murmured an apology in Tevene, something Anders would have heard often as Baru whenever Fenris shifted and woke the sleeping cat or was late with his supper.

\---

Though he didn’t know the words, he’d heard them enough to get an idea of what it meant. As such, he murmured his own response, telling him that it was okay. He turned his head away from him and shut his eyes, thinking about what had been said. What had stood out to him most was the fact that he did not hate him. He’d heard it from his own mouth. All signs had indicated as much, but honestly, the elf was difficult to read and it wasn’t until tonight that they’d shared more than a moment’s time together.

\---

“I’m glad you’re here tonight. As you.” It was easier to get the words out with the mage looking away from him. He turned to his back, close enough to the edge of the bed that his leg dangled off the side when he did so. He looked up to the ceiling, knowing that his words were true. Though he missed Baru and would have loved to have him now, this was something he needed to work on. Anders was right in that a human connection would do him even more good than his bond with the cat.

\---

Finally, he began to warm again. His eyes remained closed and he didn’t move, but his lips tugged back into a little smile. It meant a lot to hear that from him and maybe all of this was becoming a little less confusing. “Me too.” He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but he just had to continue reminding himself that things had changed and he had to stop expecting the worst.

\---

“That doesn't mean you can stop being Baru. I miss him.” There was a little hint of humor in his voice and he smirked slightly. “But some nights I think you should just stay here as yourself.”

\---

“We can decide when you come to get me.” He’d turn before they left and they could walk up together either way. He free hand lifted and he draped his arm over his eyes, though he knew better than to get too comfortable. His body needed rest, but he couldn’t give it to him beyond laying there. “You have some idea of when I close the clinic by now, surely?”

\---

“I have a vague idea, yes.” The talk of walking him back and forth from the clinic reminded him of what had happened earlier in the night and his fingers tightened around his hand instinctively. “I'll go walk the perimeter in the next hours. Make sure there aren't any more of them sniffing around for you.” Or himself, considering he may have been witnessed killing a handful of them that night.

\---

The arm fell as soon as his hand was squeezed and he turned his head slightly to peek at him. “They’re always sniffing around for me,” he replied vaguely, waving the hand as if it wasn’t a big deal. “All that matters is that they don’t know where I am.” Depending on who he was with, he was left alone, even if spotted by templars, but if he was alone it was a bit of a risk. Not that it stopped him from going anywhere alone… This just happened to be the most unnecessary risk he continued to take and he felt a grumble of agreement from within.

\---

“If they were waiting for you out there, they likely know where you are.” Fenris’ eyes shifted to him, the slight smirk still on his lips. “So what's left is to make sure that they don't dare try to take you. They don't know what I am or how to stop me - if they see that I'm staying vigilant, they won't try it.”

\---

“...It could have been coincidence that they were waiting there.” Unlikely, but he really did not like the idea that they knew where he was this very moment. “I know it was ages ago, but you know, I always thought Varric had a good point about you moving somewhere else. I mean this place isn’t bad, especially since you’ve started cleaning it up, but there are so many other places in the city… Places that wouldn’t require so much work.” Among other things.

\---

“It is never a coincidence with people like them.” He looked a little confused for a moment, then chuckled. “You were here for that conversation, weren't you? I've considered it, but not seriously. No one has ever bothered me here. And since I've put some work into it, this is the only place that has ever felt like it belonged to me.”

\---

He was uneasy, but he reminded himself that he had Fenris with him. Nothing would happen as long as he remained by his side and he’d made it clear that he did not intend to leave it. “I was here and mentioning it, I would appreciate it if you told no one of my ability.” He didn’t really think he would, but he felt better establishing it. “It may be too late, since the templars know of me… I imagine it’ll never be the secret I wish it to be again… but I would feel better if no one knew.”

Really, he hated that he’d been seen, but that was what he’d kept the form so secret for. So that he had a way to escape that no one knew of and he’d used it effectively. He’d gotten away that day.

“I understand. The clinic is the only place that feels like it is my own. Before, I was kept.” By the Circle, by the Wardens - he’d never had a place to call his own. “It would be difficult for me to give it up, but I’ve prepared for the possibility.” For the most part, the people of Darktown adored their healer and should he need to find somewhere else to practice, they would make room for him.

\---

“I have not told anyone, nor will I. Perhaps the only people besides me who knew were the ones I killed tonight.” It was wishful thinking. He sighed softly. “I know not even this place is mine. It's _his_ , just like everything else that I ever pretended was mine. But this is the only place I've squatted since I started running where none of his hunters have come for me. I've even slept here, really slept, sometimes because this feels somewhat safe. Like a home is supposed to. Likely how your clinic is for you. You won't have to give it up so long as I'm here.”

\---

  
That would be nice, but he doubted it. He was sure the information had traveled as high as the Knight-Commander, considering what a pain he was in their sides. If he were fortunate, it would remain within Kirkwall alone and if he ever left to continue his work elsewhere, it would be a proper disguise once more.

“It could be though, couldn’t it? Not to suggest that I eavesdrop terribly, but I know Aveline has offered to help you get the paperwork together to make this place yours. It’s been abandoned for so long… A little sprucing to bring it up to code, a little gold for the taxes,  and you could have a proper home. If you like it so, I mean.”

“I’m not sure that I would call the clinic my home, though I suppose that is what it is. It is mine, but it’s more than that. It’s everyone’s. Every person I help, it is theirs as much as it is mine and if I did not open my doors to them each day, I would not stay there.”

\---

“...I don't want anyone coming here to trouble me about taxes or inspections. If I could avoid that...perhaps. I think I'd like this place more if it were truly mine.” Fenris looked to him with mild amusement. “So it's my clinic too? You've patched me up in there a dozen times and I'd hardly say that it is as much mine as yours. You are what gives that clinic meaning.”

\---

“I think it would be worth it,” he encouraged, but it was only a light nudge. The way he’d come to slowly take care of the place, he imagined the natural course would see him claiming ownership of it some day. He chuckled under his breath. “I suppose it is, isn’t it?” The thought was amusing, but he shook his head. “No, I keep it going, but they’re the ones that give it meaning,” he insisted, knowing that the people he took care of were the heart of it.

“I saw a young girl today. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, ended up being collateral damage in some scuffle someone had with the Coterie. Broke her arm when she fell down some stairs and was crying when she came in by herself. She ended up sticking around all afternoon to help me with everyone else and by the time I sent her on her way, she was laughing and had the _brightest_ smile on her face.” His expression was soft, recalling it fondly, before he sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “It’s not often they have something to smile about, but there… they all come together and help each other. It’s not just me.”

\---

“I suppose you're right then.” He studied him a long moment, his thoughts slowly drifting to his nights with Baru. “...I want to try something. Like I do when you're yi Baru.” But he knew Anders was still afraid of him to some degree and wanted to ask before he did anything.

\---

He looked back to him, eyes curious, but uncertain. It wasn’t as if they did much and they’d pretty much covered all their bases already. What was it and what had brought it up? “Alright, what is it?”

\---

Fenris looked down to where their hands met and hesitated. He knew what comforted the cat the most and perhaps he could ask the mage about it if he tried it this way. Not that he wanted to put his finger in a man’s mouth, but he could try this much of it. “This…” He let the lyrium flow into his hand, lighting up his markings where he was holding Anders.

\---

For as long as they’d been touching, he’d felt the hum of the lyrium in his skin, but when the lines came to life, his hand tightened and gasped. His eyes shut and somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized what he was referring to. The way he would suckle on his finger - a deep flush crossed his cheeks at the thought, but he couldn’t bring himself to care while the energy flowed into him.

\---

The elf studied him, not certain at first if the reaction was because the rush of energy had startled him. “...You like it as a cat, so I wanted to see if it had the same effect as a man.” He murmured, keeping up the glow since Anders had not pulled his hand away.

\---

“It does,” he confirmed, biting his lip. It felt even more intense like this and his finger wasn’t even in his mouth. The flush clung to his cheeks, but he otherwise looked peaceful. “It’s stronger.” He’d always the pull of the Fade around him when he was like this in battle, but that had been subtle. This - actually touching him and feeling it - was incredible and his thumb instinctively sought a line to rub.

\---

“It is?” He didn't know why it would be stronger from one form to another. After a beat, he reached to settle the other hand on Anders’ arm, lighting that one up for a second source of lyrium. “...Is it better the more I give you?”

\---

“Yeah,” he sighed, starting to turn towards him, but a flare from his ribs brought him flat to his back again. “Maker preserve me.” It felt like he was dreaming, but better, so much so that he lifted his free hand without thinking and waved it over his side. The ache eased and only after did he realize how much he’d been restored. His eyes opened and he looked down at himself and then over at the warrior, “I think you’re replenishing me.”

\---

That surprised him, but that would explain why it relaxed both mage and cat if he was restoring his mana. He kept it up with both hands, looking bemused. “Is that what it feels like? Taking a mana potion?”

\---

“In a way, but not quite. It’s like… the Fade. The song of the Fade.” There was hum of agreement inside him and he smiled. “It’s much better than a mana potion and I imagine without the ill effects, though I would argue that this is just about as addictive,” he murmured, without thinking about what he was saying. It just tumbled out with no filter as his eyes fell shut once more.

\---

“It feels like the Fade?” He couldn't even imagine what he was talking about. But then, he wasn't a mage. He lifted the hand from Anders’ shoulder and after a moment he held it out in offering though the man’s eyes had closed. “...Would it restore you faster if you drew from it from your mouth like you do as a cat?” It would definitely be strange. But if it meant he could mend his broken bones faster, he would deal with it.

\---

It took a beat for his words to sink in, but when they did, his eyes snapped open once again. He saw the hand in front of him and his eyes shifted from it to him, his eyes wide. “I…” He looked back to his hand and the flush came back with a fury as it settled on him that he was really offering to let him suck on his finger. What was worse was that he wanted to… It was so pleasant tasting the lyrium beneath his skin and that was when the effect was dulled in a less than ideal form.

His own hand was trembling as he took hold of his wrist and pulled it a little closer, before stopping. “Are you certain?” They’d just established that handholding was all he could handle and this was considerably more than that.

\---

“...Yes. It's not anything you don't do regularly as a cat. Besides, we need to see how much it restores you. It could save a life if your mana gets too low.” Though they'd certainly turn some heads on the battlefield. He closed his eyes, not wanting to watch and bracing himself for what would be a very new and very odd sensation.

\---

Save a life? Was he actually suggesting they might do this _in front of_ someone? What had gotten into him? He tried not to question it as he brought the finger to his lips, hesitating, before slipping it into his mouth. Unlike when he was a cat, when he only suckled on the very tip of his finger, it easily slid right in to the first knuckle and he began to suck on it. The first draw brought with it a soft sound and each draw after was almost urgent and saw him bobbing his head and taking in more without thinking about it.

\---

Fenris’ eyes snapped open in surprise when Anders began to suck his finger almost desperately. But it did answer his question. It clearly was more restorative than simply touching him. Not wanting to overthink it and realizing that it felt odd, but not terrible, he let his eyes close again. He would let the mage take what he needed and try to ignore the odd chills the sensation gave him.

\---

He was feverish in his treatment of the finger and it didn’t take long for him to have all of it in his mouth, molded to his tongue, while he sucked so hard it likely ached. He was working it raw as he always did, but in an entirely different way. No teeth were involved, only his lips and tongue as he drank in something far sweeter than all the wine that Fenris indulged in. After a time, he drew back so that he could catch a pair of fingers in his mouth and resume where he left off.

\---

When he drew back, he thought that perhaps he’d gotten his fill but he was surprised when he instead took a second finger into his mouth. But it made sense - the more contact he could get with the lyrium, likely the better it was for him. He didn’t mind the ache of his fingers, used the cat wearing them raw, just to a lesser degree. It gave him more of those chills, especially the way his tongue pressed against his skin, and he found himself squirming a little, his cheeks growing warm.

\---

It was mind numbingly good and he groaned under his breath, the sound seeming magnified in the otherwise quiet room. It made him pause and he seemed to remember himself, because he drew back from the fingers, his breaths heavy, and let go of his wrist. “S-sorry. That’s… very intense.” It really was and he could have easily kept going, but he’d gotten enough and he dropped his hand to press to where he’d already lessened the pain. “I think I’ve enough to fixed it.”

\---          

He couldn’t hide the flush in his face, but he nodded and let the glow in his skin die, moving his hand to rest on the sheets, the other still loosely holding Anders’. “It looked like it helped, at least. Try to fix it.” He was glad that his tone was at least steady after all of that.

\---

Well, that was embarrassing. As much as he’d reveled in every moment of that, he couldn’t help but hope they never had cause to do it again. He focused his healing on the wound and sighed in relief as the bone shifted back into place and mended seamlessly. Not that it was something he could see, but he could sense it and as he pushed himself up to test it, there was no wincing. “Good as new.” He flopped back to the bed and looked over at him, but he was too sheepish to look long. “Thanks… Want Baru?”

\---

The elf was also a little too sheepish to look at him long, but he looked relieved that it had worked. “Well, it’s interesting to know that my tattoos are good for more than slaughter. I’m just glad Danarius never realized it.” At the question, he chuckled softly. “I do want Baru. But I think I want you to stay as you are for tonight.”

\---

“That’s easy.” Since he didn’t have to remain on his back, he shifted to his side, so he was facing him, but he shut his eyes and got comfortable. Not too comfortable, but he felt pretty relaxed, all things considered. He was still embarrassed, but thinking about what’d he done was more pleasant than anything, if he didn’t think about the way he’d behaved in front of him. The hand holding Fenris’ had tightened during all his movement and it remained so even after he settled.

\---

“That’s what I thought.” He let his own hand tighten on Anders. Even after the very odd interaction they’d had with the lyrium, this bit of contact still felt very comfortable. He shifted up to his side as well, facing him and settling in just a little closer. “Are you sure you don’t want me to walk the perimeter just to be safe?”

\---

“I trust you took care of it before you came back in. I prefer that you stay here.” It would be easier not to fall asleep with him here. “Instead, perhaps you could tell me a story? Something pleasant to listen to?” Whether it was a made up story, a story told to him by someone else, or something about himself, he just wanted to listen to him speak. He had a soothing voice and it would be nice to have something to focus on.

\---

“A story?” He asked with a slight smirk, not expecting such a request. “The dwarf has good stories, not me.” He didn’t realize he did it, but his thumb stroked over Anders’ hand again. “What kind of story would you like to hear? Maybe I can think of something pleasant for you to listen to.”

\---

“Well yes, nobody can tell a story like Varric, though I have to say I come _pretty_ close.” His chest puffed a little at this and he smiled, but his eyes remained closed and his expression faded into contentment. “I don’t know. It would please me to learn more about you, perhaps you have a jovial tale that I’ve not heard?” What little Fenris had to say about his past was usually rife with hardship, so it would be nice to hear something different.

\---

“There definitely aren’t any ‘jovial’ tales about me.” He chuckled and shook his head. Though after a moment, his brow furrowed thoughtfully. “Though I could tell you where I got my love for proper food from. That is one of my better stories.”

\---

“Go on then.” A better story was good enough for him. He knew a lot about the warrior, more than most if not all of their companions, but Fenris was still fairly tight lipped. He really did want to get to know him better and to have him volunteer the information to him, knowing who he was, made him feel better about this strange budding friendship.

\---

“I was seldom made to go hungry in Tevinter, but the food all the slaves got was very bland. Bread and unseasoned meat. Vegetables in with the meat once in awhile, if there were any that were not fresh enough to be fit for the master’s meal. It was enough to keep us strong, but I never especially looked forward to mealtimes. Once in awhile, Danarius would would pick little bites off of his own food and feed me the scraps as a treat. At the time I couldn’t even imagine what an entire meal that tasted so good would be like.” He stretched his legs with a little groan and gave the hand in his grasp a squeeze. “But we’re not here to discuss all my woes about those days, that was only to provide a little context for the jovial part of the story. That story starts in a tiny village outside of Neverra.”

\---

He was finding that the story wasn’t really what he’d had in mind, until he explained the purpose of what he was telling him. “What was the village called?” It was possible he might know it. If it was so small as to escape mention on a map, then he wouldn’t, but he’d studied the lands of Thedas intently in his time in the Circle and so geography tended to be a strong point of his.

\---

“Senden. Just a very small farm village. At the time I didn’t know where I was, I was just running. Doing anything I could to stay off the main roads and out of sight of any of the men hunting me. I had been walking for two straight days and late in the night, I fell asleep in someone’s field. I only meant to rest for an hour. I figured where they were crops, there had to be water. I’d get a drink when I woke, steal a handful of food, and be gone before the farmer had any idea. But I slept until morning and I woke with an older human woman, built as strong as any man and nothing like any woman I’d ever seen in Tevinter, nudging me with her boot. I thought that was it for me. I was going to get a hand-scythe in the neck for trespassing on her land. Or worse, that word had spread about me and she would turn me in.”

He gave a soft chuckle, realizing now how wrong those fears were. “Instead she reached down and pinched the back of my arm and fussed at me. ‘Not a scrap of fat on ya.’” Fenris managed a decent impression of the accents rural peasants had that he’d encountered in his travels. “I was confused and I started to move away from her. But she caught me by the ear in a vice grip and tugged until I got to my feet. ‘Ya look like a corpse the crows have already been pickin’ at. Come on.’ She dragged me to her house and at that point, I was too used to being subservient to stop her. I didn’t know what she wanted me for - farm work was the obvious guess. She took me to her washing basin and told me to clean up while she went inside to start cooking. So then I thought it was a bed slave she wanted. I cleaned up as I was told, decided I’d take whatever scraps she’d give me from her meal, then figure out how I was going to escape before nightfall. But when I went inside...she’d set the table for me. My own place at her table. My own plate, my own silverware. My portion just as big as hers.” He said this wistfully, still remembering the initial confusion and how it had lead to awe and gratitude.

\---

He was quiet and still as he listened to his story, not sure how he felt about it. It still wasn’t quite what he’d had in mind, but he could see why he’d chosen to it. It clearly meant something to him and to hear him speak at length about it was encouraging. “She was the first to show you kindness after you escaped,” he assumed, chewing on that thought for a moment, “Did you want to stay with her?”

\---

“I did not. I wanted to keep going. I was still much too close to Tevinter. And at first I was still convinced that she meant to have me for a slave of some sort.” He slipped his fingers between Anders’ to lace them, also unaware that he was doing this, subconsciously seeking more of a connection as he spoke. “Her food was incredible. So flavorful, so fresh. I ate until I couldn’t stomach anymore - which was not much, I was not used to eating such a portion. ...And then I promptly threw up all over her floor.” He smirked, having been mortified at the time, but finding it funny now. “My body wasn’t ready for seasoned food. I apologized profusely and tried to explain. She cut me off and sent me to rest while she cleaned up. By late afternoon, she came to bring me back to the table. She’d cooked a blander meal for me, which was still quite good. I tried to tell her I had to go, but she insisted that I stay for the week. That I ought to repay her kindness with work on the farm. ...Put that way, I couldn’t refuse her. But of course, she only wanted me to stay to build up my tolerance for proper eating.”

\---

“She sounds like a wonderful woman.” His eyes had opened to look at him briefly, studying him when their fingers were woven, before shutting once more. He gave his hand a squeeze, his thumb lightly running back and forth over it. “The way you speak so fondly of food, maybe you should consider learning to cook. It would give you something to do in your spare time and it’s a valuable skill to have. A few recipe books and some practice and you could make anything your heart desires.”

\---

“That was part of my week with her. She helped me start to stomach richer foods, but she also taught me a little about how to cook. Obviously she couldn’t teach me much in a week, but I memorized every little thing she showed me. I wanted to know.” Fenris closed his eyes when the thumb stroked over his hand, looking serene. “I’d like to cook, but this place has never seemed suitable to prepare food. But it’s important to me. That’s why I always tried to feed Baru as well as I was eating. I know how good it feels to share in a great meal when you’ve been eating scraps for a long time.”

\---

“Until I started coming around here, I’d dismissed eating as a chore. I suppose I still do in a way, but I’ve enjoyed everything you’ve given me.” He hadn’t always been like that, but it’d been a long time since he’d had a taste for a proper meal. “Even when it’s just salted meat.” That packed a pleasant flavor and as a cat, had been wonderful to eat.  

“I can help you clean up, if you like. Get this place looking as it was meant to and give you a place to cook, maybe even entertain.” He’d never mentioned that he’d already helped where he could before, but most of the work that had gone into this place had been from the warrior himself.

\---

“I’m glad you’ve enjoyed the meals. A lot of the time the best I eat is salted meat. But I would never feed a friend, even a cat friend, any worse than I eat.” At the offer, he shook his hand, breathing a little contented sigh. “You don’t need to help. It was never your mess to deal with. I’ll continue to work on it and hopefully I’ll have a place to cook by the end of the year.”

\---

“I don't know… I do basically spend half my time here. This place is as much mine as the clinic is yours,” he snorted softly, smiling, finding himself as content as Fenris sounded. This was really nice and he was feeling rather happy that they'd gotten this far when he wouldn't have even tried coming around in his human form just earlier this night.

\---

“...I suppose that is true. You eat your meals here and rest your head here at night. I think that qualifies this as your home to some degree.” He hadn’t really thought about it before and it still seemed strange to him, but it made sense. “Perhaps you could help a little. But most of the burden should still be mine.”

\---

Of course, he wasn’t taking that seriously, but the thought amused him. “Maybe I’ll close the clinic sometime next week and we can make a day of it. Get as much done as we can.” With the two of them working together they could get a lot done.

\---

“You don’t need to close your clinic. Maybe can just close an hour early once in awhile and come here as yourself.” He didn’t want the other going so far out of his way and he could only imagine how many patients would need to be seen the next day whenever he closed.

\---

“If I’m going to close early, I might as well make it a few hours as to be worth our time.” He figured that was an agreeable compromise. “I’ll let you know when a good day is… As long as Hawke doesn’t suddenly barge in and drag me out to the Wounded Coast.” They’d not gone on a job together since Anders began avoiding Fenris simply because Hawke had given up asking after so much failed coaxing, but it didn’t seem like Hawke came around any less to him.

\---

“I know how that is. He has a way of disrupting an entire day, or sometimes an entire week, on a whim.” Somehow the rogue was a magnet for people asking for help with one thing or another and the rogue had the ability to convince all of them to drop everything to go take care of those tasks.

\---

He smiled fondly, burying his cheek into the pillow as he shifted to get more comfortable and also not too comfortable. “He’s something else. I can safely say I’ve never met anyone like him… Though in some ways he reminds me of Neria.” The smile grew briefly, a memory warming him, but it drifted away a moment after.

\---

“Neria?” He opened his eyes briefly, glimpsing the smiling mage. He shifted as well, tempted to stretch but not enough to release the other’s hand. It was still a comfort, as absent as it was in his mind now that he’d grown used to it.

\---

“Oh, right. Warden Commander Surana, better known as the Hero of Ferelden. Think Hawke without the sarcasm or ego, but female, an elf, and a mage.” They were different in many ways, but they both knew how to lead and the loyalty they inspired was something else. Some part of him envied her ability to have people look past what she was and take her for what she was worth - he’d not managed it even in the Wardens alongside her. “It figures that after abandoning her service I would wind up following someone on the same track she was - though I imagine Hawke won’t be ending a blight any time soon.”

\---

For a moment when he described her, Fenris startled. It wasn't revulsion at her being a mage, though he more than disapproved of one being in such a position of power. His eyes had snapped open but he was looking at nothing in particular. He looked like he was searching his mind for something, but he had no idea what he was trying to find. He looked confused, but spoke, trying to dismiss whatever it was. “Hero of Ferelden, Hawke of Kirkwall. There's probably someone like them everywhere. And idiots like us who risk life and limb for them.”

\---

“In some way that’s comforting. To know that if I decide to move on, I’ll just end up in the same place with someone new to keep me on my toes.” He doubted that he would ever move on from this place, though, not with as dire as it was for his kind here. There was nowhere worse than the Gallows and so he would remain until something changed.

\---

He relaxed slowly and closed his eyes once more. “I suppose so. It’s good to have the work, inconsistent as his missions can be. And it’s enough coin for our odd band of companions to share.” He’d collected more savings for when it was time to run than he ever would have dreamed of having. Enough that he could splurge fairly regularly on good food and wine.

\---

He hummed. It was enough for most of them, but it always seemed like he needed more and didn’t have enough. It was why he went whenever he could with only rare exceptions. No one spent their coin like he did and whatever came in went right back out within days. Most of it was spent on the clinic, but sometimes he saved just enough to help a mage escape and send them on their way.

\---

“I don’t know why you’ve always been so reluctant to take my coin for your potions. I think you could do more with your clinic if you’d accept payment, even if only from those who could afford it.” He knew that Anders never had enough gold. And though he insisted that he no longer pay him for potions and salves in exchange for his meals, he was already imagining ways he might get the coin to him anyway.

\---

“You’re a companion. Someone I work with weekly, most of the time; keeping you healthy is in everyone’s best interests. I couldn’t charge someone I work with like that… You don’t charge me for keeping an assassin’s dagger out of my back whenever we come across a group of raiders or thieves.” He shrugged and by the sound of his voice, which was becoming lazier, it seemed the late hour was getting to him. “Same thing.”

\---

“It really isn’t though. I’m using your resources, not your skill. Potion and salve ingredients cost you money. Keeping daggers out of your back costs me nothing.” He could hear how tired the other was and he imagined it wouldn’t be much longer before he was out. “It is different. That is why I’ve always wanted to compensate you.”

\---

“Then start letting me heal you. That’ll cost me nothing,” he replied, his lips quirking. “I won’t take money from a friend. Not for that.” It was really as simple as that and since they were really ‘friends’, he didn’t want to take any more from him. The only person that got away with giving him money was Hawke and that was only because the rogue insisted on playing ignorant. “Or if you’re really that concerned, accompany me out to gather herbs sometimes. That saves me more coin than anything.”

\---

“I’m getting better about that. I did actually go to you the last time I was bleeding out.” He gave a soft chuckle. “I could go with you  once in awhile. Besides, I could probably collect herbs to dry for my kitchen once I have one.” It was, after all, seasoning and flavor in food that he appreciated so much after nearly a lifetime without it.

\---

“You did, but I think there may have been ulterior motives behind that visit.” Realizing he was getting too comfortable, he forced himself to shift. He started to roll to his opposite side, but realizing he would have to let go of his hand to do so, he paused. Not wanting him to get the wrong idea and uncertain of what that idea even was, he pulled his hand up to give the back of it a kiss. This time it was an intentional decision to try and smooth out the moment of awkwardness they’d had about it before. After, he let go to settle on his side, his back to him. Not unlike the frequently shifting cat in his lap. “Look at us, planning to do things together like we have time for any of it,” he murmured, his voice still sounding heavy even after the change, “Can you imagine the looks on their faces…?” He wasn’t being very specific, but he didn’t seem to notice the vagueness.

\---

This time he was not so surprised by the kiss. He didn’t like the loss of contact, but did not complain. He rolled to his back again, looking up to the ceiling. “To see us out in a meadow together picking herbs? They’ll think something happened to us. We were abducted and there are imposters trying to take our places.”

\---

“Why anyone would want to be me, I’ve no idea. I mean, besides my dashing good looks.” He was mumbling by the end and was beginning to drift, but he caught himself and lifted a hand to rub his face. “Have I told you that your bed is much more comfortable than mine? You should tell me another story.” That was a bit clearer, but wasn’t the most logical progression.

\---

“I’ve slept in both, I know mine is much more comfortable. And this bed is still terrible. I should try to restore the frame this week. Get a new mattress and sheets.” He mused, then smirked as the listened to the mumbling of the tired healer. “I think you need sleep more than you need another story, mage. Rest, I will watch over things.”

\---

His head shook slightly. “I’d prefer a story,” he insisted, though he wondered if he was being silly in fighting it. Sure, what had happened outside the window had really freaked him out, rightly so, but he’d been rescued and that had lead into a groundbreaking exchange with the elf that use to hate him. Use to. He felt comfortable and safe, his fear of the Fenris lightening with the civil conversation, so maybe it really would be okay to get some sleep.

\---

“You have patients to see in the morning, they might prefer you sleep.” He closed his eyes, finally taking the opportunity to stretch. Without having direct contact with Anders, perhaps he’d finally get up and patrol a little, but not just yet. “But if you insist. What kind of story do you want? As you know, mine aren’t very good.”

\---

“Surprise me.” Though he wasn’t facing him, Fenris’ voice was sounded just the same and was nice to listen to. Right now, he’d listen to him talk about just about anything. Something as simple as his plans to restore the house or the bed would be just as nice as anything else.

\---

“Hmm, another jovial tale…” Fenris considered it a long moment. “I can't think of any you'd enjoy. But perhaps we could make our plans. For renovation and herb collecting.”

\---

“Plan away.” He was offering minimal feedback, even though he was the one asking for this. It would probably be better for him if he were a more active participant, but that was too much effort.

\---

“It's hard to make plans. As you said, Hawke could burst in at any moment. But perhaps I could find some new furniture. Or someone who owns one of the shops would teach me a little about wood restoration. Maybe even someone in the Alienage if I offered good coin.” He was rambling, thinking out loud. But it seemed that was what the mage wanted.

\---

He hummed, thinking about all of the skills he was talking about getting into. Carpentry, cooking, what else? Any of it was better than sitting around in his mansion up to his ears in wine. His curled up, knees tucking into his body and hands sliding beneath his cheek, his body beginning to go limp as soon as he settled.

\---

He continued to mumble, going on about which rooms to start with, which projects would take priority. It was easier to talk about than talking about himself had been. He told him a little of Lady Margo - the old woman of Hightown who loved to cook and no longer had a family to cook for so she sold plates of food to the hungry, mostly elves and those who lived in Darktown, for very little. Perhaps he could learn more from her.

\---

By the time he’d gotten to Lady Margo, Anders had fallen asleep. All his effort to stay awake, which had been minimal, admittedly, was for naught. His breathing evened out, as did his frequent shifting. He’d settled and for better or worse, he was getting the sleep he needed.

\---

He spoke for a while longer, finally pausing to gather his thoughts. When he did, he heard the soft, slow breathing of Anders. It seemed he'd fallen asleep after all. He fell silent then, closing his eyes to rest them as he finished planning for his renovations in his mind.


	13. Chapter 13

The next few days went by without any more excitement or bloodshed. Fenris walked Anders back and forth from the clinic as he'd promised and though he kept a little distance on those trips, he'd taken the mage’s hand a couple times once they were inside. It was nice to feel with warmth of another's skin. A simple, clean connection that did not dredge up any memories of the other man who used to touch him. But it never lasted long as they still spent most of their time together as elf and cat. It was so much easier to be affectionate with the cat, not to mention it made the suckling on his fingers far more comfortable for the both of them.

When invited out for cards, he decided he wouldn't mind going for a little while. He'd have a few drinks, then walk to Darktown to pick up Anders for the night. He'd taken his seat and drained a couple sour, unsavory drinks, quiet as usual but noticeably less sullen. Isabela, who was in especially high spirits, had demanded from her perch on Hawke’s lap to know what they'd spiked his drink with to prevent his brooding. Fenris had snorted and said it was likely piss, or at least that was what it tasted like, before tossing another silver into his pile for bets.

\---

Avoiding Fenris at every turn had resulted in him not stopping by the Hanged Man in weeks. He was due and since they were on good terms once more - as if they’d ever been on good terms - he decided it was time for an evening off and so he closed shop early and made his way to the pub. When he arrived at the top of the stairs and spied the private party, he was pleased to see Fenris was there and ignored the tension that filled the air alongside darting eyes as he was welcomed. There weren’t as many people here tonight, Merrill, Aveline, and Sebastian noticeably missing, so he had his choice of chair, but the one closest to the group was beside Fenris and he didn’t think much about dropping into it.

\---

Fenris glanced up when Anders was greeted and his lips quirked up into the slightest of smiles. He nodded to him, then returned to his drink as the mage sat beside him. He could feel the eyes on them but had no interest in trying to explain the sudden peace between them.

“So, Tall, Blonde, and Handsome, want us to deal you in? Get you a drink?” Isabela asked, her eyes flirty but her face betraying her bewilderment at his seating choice.

\---

“It’d probably be more productive for me to just hand over my coin and cut out the pretense,” he smirked, allowing himself to slouch a little as he got comfortable. His eyes drifted from her to the man she was sitting on, but oddly enough, the stare he was receiving was quickly broken and he could almost swear he saw a hint of a flush on Hawke’s cheeks. A trick of the candle light, surely, but the fact that remaining quiet and wasn’t commenting on his sudden change of heart was strange.

“We’ll at least get you some tea,” Varric chimed in, his eyes flicking between the them, before tossing in his own coin.

\---

“Get me some more piss water while you’re at it.” Fenris lifted his empty tankard when Isabela hopped down from Hawke’s lap to grab fresh drinks. When she moved to take it, she ended up standing between the two and her eyes moved between them. “...Did I miss something here? Last I knew you two weren’t even doing missions together anymore.”

“You wouldn’t miss as much if your eyes weren’t on Hawke all the time.” The elf handed over his tankard. “If you can find me something stronger than ale this time, I’ll play another round.”

\---

His smirk grew at Fenris’ response and he didn’t feel the need to add anything, so he just flashed her a cheeky look and slouched a little further. It felt nice to loosen up and for a brief moment, he actually considered joining in, but all it took was an internal rush of disapproval for him decide against it. Undoubtedly for the best, since everyone that was there tonight was far better at this game than he was.

\---

Isabela smirked in return, not sure what to make of it but sure she could get the story out of one of them. She left for their drinks and returned moments later with tea for Anders and some watery rum rather than ale for Fenris. She set them down, but her eyes lingered on Anders. “I need to talk to you for a moment. Privately.” But rather than take him aside, she made herself at home in the healer’s lap. It wasn’t unlike her to perch on any of their companions, male or female, for a short while before making her way back to Hawke, but this time she pressed herself to Anders, far closer than she needed to be to whisper into his ear. “He wants you to join us in bed tonight. He’s so excited to feel that electricity in your fingers. And he wants to hear the sounds I’ll make when you do it to me again…”

\---

He began to reach for the tea, but his ‘thanks’ died on his lips when she sat down in his lap. It was nothing new and he didn’t mind, sometimes even going so far as to slide his arms around her, depending on his mood, but she was definitely going beyond in getting into his personal space. He stilled at her words, his mouth going dry as he looked past her shoulder at the rogue who was watching them. Their gazes met and this time Hawke didn’t look away, though it became clear that there had been no trick of the light at all as the color deepened.

Great Maker, she wasn’t lying. Hawke wanted him. He’d long since forgotten about her suggestion for a threesome, nothing having come of it, so for it to abruptly reemerge like this had his heart beating quickly. A year ago, he’d have been giddy. He’d had a thing for the rogue when they met, but unrequited as it was, his feelings ran their course early on. Even so, with a two year dry spell, he would have jumped on the chance to crawl into bed with him and there was no denying the idea of both of them had turned him on.

It still did and his cock twitched.

A month ago, he’d have agreed. There was no denying he wanted to, but there was something holding him back. Something that went beyond disapproval coursing through him. He was already slouched in a way that he couldn’t really pull back from her, but he turned his head away from where she was whispering and in doing so, caught the warrior out of the corner of his eye. His options were an unforgettable night getting his rocks off with Isabela and Hawke or a quiet night curled up with Fenris.

“I can’t, sorry,” he finally replied quietly, wondering what was on Thedas was wrong with himself, “Side note - not the best place to discuss this.”

\---

“You can't?” She pouted, but didn't seem deterred. “What could you possibly have plans for tonight that would be more fun than us?” Beneath the table so that the only other person who might have seen it would be the elf beside Anders, her fingers dipped down to squeeze his cock through his robes. “We can wait up for you if you have things to do first…”

\---

He sucked in a sharp breath and he’d gone so long without the touch of another that his cock began to stiffen, but his hand eased in to grab her wrist and tug it away. “I’m flattered, truly, but I can’t. Not tonight… or any night.” What was he doing? His body was protesting his decision, his eyes flicking to Hawke, who was watching them closely, and the lust he felt was enough to make him push her off of him.

“Er, we about ready to continue, Rivani? Got some good coin on the table...” Varric cut in, unsure of what was happening, but trying to ease the strange tension in the air.

As soon as she was off of him, he rose to his feet, thankful that his thick robes obscured what was becoming a rather prominent need. “I forgot I had something to do, you guys enjoy the rest of your game.” Without waiting for a response and avoiding looking at all of them, he swept downstairs and out of the pub, leaving behind a bemused Varric and a frowning Hawke.

Outside, he groaned under his breath, knowing he wouldn’t be able to make it far, so he slipped behind the building and rested a forearm against the piss-stained wall so he could lean his forehead against it as he began to rub himself through his robes. He was picturing the pair as he worked himself and it felt so ridiculous to him when he could have just agreed and had them take care of this for him.

He still could. If he just showed up, they’d welcome him and pull him into Hawke’s bed… He was fantasizing about their hands on him, stripping him, touching him, pinning him. He groaned under his breath, pulling his robes up enough to slip a hand underneath them and pushing his smallclothes down enough to release himself. His fingers curled around himself and he began to pump, ignoring the voice telling him that he needed to stop degrading himself and return to the clinic.

\---

It wasn't long before Fenris was out of the tavern and looking for Anders. He'd managed to shock the lot of them by snapping at Isabela since she'd clearly done something to upset the mage. He looked around the front of the building, then started down the street toward Darktown. But he couldn't see him and he was convinced he wouldn't have gotten so far so quickly. So he returned to the front of the pub and called for him. “Anders? ...Baru?”

\---

He was in the middle of picturing himself on his hands and knees, Isabela’s mouth wrapped around him and Hawke’s hands keeping his hips still as he pounded him, when his body suddenly craved the only thing that could possibly make it better. In his mind, the hands on him began to glow and he felt a rush of energy course through his body.

Like that, it was no longer Hawke pounding him, but Fenris. Isabela disappeared entirely and his hand was suddenly his own, reflecting reality. He moaned under his breath and stroked himself faster, his cock throbbing as the bed he was on turning into one he was already familiar with, though not in this way.

The sound of his name made him tense, but not as much as the voice behind it. Fenris. Fenris was looking for him - why was Fenris looking for him? He couldn’t bring himself to stop what he was doing even though he was realizing himself with horror. Just a little bit further, he was close and he needed this. Just a little bit… The elf would never know what he was doing and that brought with it a thrill that made him sick.

\---

Fenris frowned, at a loss for where the mage might have gone. He was about to start for home, hoping Baru would be there waiting for him, when he thought he heard something from behind the building. It had been faint, likely nothing at all, but it was worth checking before heading to Hightown. “Anders?” He called again as he started toward the back of the building.

\---

He dug his teeth into his forearm, muffling himself as he heard the call and the footsteps drawing in. He worked himself desperately, the fact that he was moments from being seen by him was all the push he needed. He spilled hard against the wall, coating it with what was undoubtedly a layer of seed among many. He drew his hand away and let his robes fall, pulling away from the wall as he panted breathlessly. He took just a moment to compose himself and just as the elf was about to round the corner, he met him, grateful that the darkening sky made it hard to make out much of anything.

“...Hey, you were looking for me?” He spoke as if this wasn’t strange at all.

\---

The elf was relieved to find him but frowned, studying him. “...Yes. I wanted to make sure you were alright. It looked like the pirate did something to upset you.” Enough that he'd retreated to the back of the building.

\---

Strangely, hearing his concern made him feel guilty for what he’d just done. His heart was pounding in his chest, but he kept his exterior calm and collected. “Oh, no. I really just forgot to do something,” he replied vaguely, waving it off. “Got the call of nature when I came outside. Figured I might as well answer, instead of tottering all the way down to Darktown.” It was really sweet that he would come after him to make sure he was okay and the sick feeling in his stomach grew.

\---

“Well, I should walk with you. It's dangerous for you to be out alone.” He turned to start back toward Darktown, looking back over his shoulder at the mage. “Are you ready to go now?” If they had to walk to the clinic before heading to the mansion, he'd like to get going.

\---

He saw the way he was heading and after hesitating, started after him. “Honestly, I don’t feel like walking back and forth. I might just…” Stay home. Sick as he felt, he realized he didn’t really want to do that. As such, he found himself amending the statement before it left his mouth. “Take care of it later. Why don’t we just head to your place?” He really ought to take some time for himself just to think, but his pounding heart didn’t want to.

\---

“If you're sure it can wait.” Fenris started toward his place instead, walking closer to Anders than usual but still keeping a bit of space between them. “...Are you certain you're alright?”

\---

“Never better.” He was lying, but he really didn’t want him to know about the exchange. He felt incredibly aware of him and he was telling himself that this was a mistake with every step, but he couldn’t really figure out why. Okay, so he turned down an incredibly promising night in favor of spending time with the elf and okay, he got a bit off track in his fantasies, thinking about the ladder instead of the former, but he was sexually frustrated. If anything, he ought to go to Hawke’s place tonight just to get it out of his system, but the thought of his hands weren’t nearly as appealing after thinking about what the warrior’s touch would do to him.

\---

He seemed willing to accept his answer because he remained quiet for the rest of the walk. Once they were inside Fenris reached to take his hand as they walked to the back room. “I was going to come to the clinic to get you after a few drinks. I didn't think you'd close early or I'd have gotten you before I went to the pub. I'll find you something to eat…”

\---

His heart skipped a beat when his hand was taken and he rolled his eyes to himself. He was being ridiculous and he squeezed his hand, telling himself not to make a big deal out of it. He didn't want to ruin their time together. “I appreciate you walking me up here, but you don't have to worry me any other time. I'm pretty good at avoiding anyone who would want to mess with me and the way to Lowtown doesn't have nearly as many templars.”

\---

He lead him back to the table, only releasing his hand when he needed to break away to throw together the leftovers he had available. This included some of his rice and vegetables since he was human at the moment. “I know. But I still would have saved you the unnecessary risk.” He set the plate down in front of him, then moved to the pantry to get wine for himself.

\---

He sat down beside Fenris’ spot, watching him put a plate together. Until he saw what he was getting him, he wasn't sure if he ought to remain as he was, but when the rice and vegetables were set in front of him, he was given his answer. “Thanks, but seriously, don't worry about me when we're not together, I'll be alright.” Beneath the table, his foot was bouncing restlessly, thinking that he ought to turn into a cat as soon as they finished eating.

\---

“But it's when you're not with me that you run into trouble.” Fenris only seemed interested in feeding Anders tonight sitting down in his usual place with a liquid supper. He poured himself a glass of wine, though his cheeks were already a little flushed from the drinks he'd had before. As he shifted in his chair, his foot nudged lightly against Anders’ restless boot but he didn't seem to notice.

\---

“You're not eating?” he asked, feeling a bit awkward eating by himself as a person. When he felt the foot against his, he quickly drew it in, causing it to go abruptly still.

\---

“Not hungry. The ale there always ruins my appetite.” But as if he meant to apologize for making him eat alone, and prove the meal wasn't poisoned if Anders still questioned his intentions, he reached to steal a bit of beef from the mage’s plate. He ate it slowly, more interested in his wine. “I snapped at the pirate. I thought she must have threatened you or something to make you push her off and bolt like that. I owe her an apology.”

\---

He still felt awkward, but not as much with that assurance so he began to nibble at the food given to him. An amused smile crossed his face and he couldn't bring himself to feel bad for her. “What did you say to her?” He was curious, though he didn't like that a scene had been made at all, but it was his fault for running out the way he had.

\---

“I asked her what the hell her problem was. But I was too quick to go after you to get an answer.” He gave Anders a little smirk in return. “But I left my coin on the table so I doubt anyone minded my abrupt exit.”

\---

“They're going to ask questions.” They were lucky no one had asked questions tonight, but there had been a reason for that. There’d been more pressing issues, pressing enough to keep Hawke unusually quiet, anyway. He knew that he was going to have to face them and the thought sobered more than the inevitable inquiry that they would both have to endure. He pushed the food around for a while, before resuming picking at it.

\---

“It doesn't make a difference to me. We didn't like each other, now we're friends. That's all they need to know.” He finished the strip of beef he'd stolen and licked his fingers clean before draining his glass of wine.

\---

“If you think they’ll leave it at that, you’re mistaken.” The simple interpretation of their relationship warmed him and he stole a look at him, which ended up turning lingering. He had to force himself to tear his eyes away, internally chastising himself for letting any of this get to him so. He picked up the pace at which he was eating to get it over with, keeping his eyes on his food, though he his chest felt oddly light that he’d stood up for him like that.

\---

“If you think they'll get any more than that out of me, you're mistaken. It's not their business.” He poured himself another drink, then turned his eyes to Anders’ meal. Seeing he was nearly finished, he spoke up again. “...Will you stay as you are tonight?”

\---

It wasn’t and he would remain just as tight lipped so they would be left with nothing but to speculate. Not that many of them really cared. At most it was a passing interest and it would probably only be the ones that had been there tonight that would invest any thought into it. Part of him wished he could be there for Fenris’ apology, just to hear what Isabela would say to him, but avoiding her entirely seemed preferable for the time being.

He paused and then peeked at him, his feet shifting beneath the table. “Are you sure you want me to?” He didn’t really want to. They both found it more comfortable when he was a cat and that would be especially true for him after earlier. He hadn’t stayed as himself since the night he’d been ambushed and though he ended up feeling safe enough to fall asleep without nightmares - something that had astonished him in the morning - they interacted most naturally when he was his pet.

\---

“I'm sure. You don't have to. But I wanted to talk to you.” Not that he couldn't talk to him as Baru. In fact, it was a lot easier to talk to the cat. But he needed more experience talking to him as a person. He finished his second glass and looked as if he was going to pour another, but thought better of it and left the bottle alone.

\---

“What did you want to talk about?” Realizing he’d stopped eating, he hastened to finish off the rest of the plate, pushing it aside after clearing it. He scooted his chair back from the table enough to turn towards him, focusing on his words and what he was saying, rather than his own plaguing thoughts.

\---

“Just something I've heard around town.” He frowned, but gave a little shrug. It wasn't a big deal. But still a concern he wanted to get off his chest. “Do you want to go lie down? I'm very tired.”

\---

Knowing he was needed in some capacity made this easier and he didn’t hesitate this time. “Yeah, of course.” He rose to his feet and went to ‘his side of the bed’. The sight of it made his stomach tighten, but he lowered onto it, laying on his side as far to the edge as he could manage. That gave Fenris plenty of space, though he imagined that he would be doing the same, like last time.

\---

Fenris settled into his usual place, on his side and not right on the edge of the bed, but still with plenty of space between them. His eyes did look heavy in the way they only did when he'd gone several days on cat naps and needed some real sleep. “I heard someone has been asking around Lowtown and the Alienage about me.”

\---

Facing him, he could see how tired he was and he wondered if Fenris would be able to sleep while he was laying beside him like this. There wasn’t really any reason why he shouldn’t be able to, but as well as he understood the warrior while his cat, he felt less confident about him while a person. His brows furrowed slightly and he studied him, “From who?”

\---

“Isabela. And another elf who eats from Lady Margo’s kitchen. A human woman has been looking for ‘an elf with stark white hair and tattoos on every inch of his skin’. Whoever it is even knows my name. You haven’t heard anything in Darktown, have you?” If no one was asking about him there yet, they would be soon he had no doubt.

\---

He frowned. “No, I would have told you if I had.” That was concerning and since Fenris was pretty much the only elf in Thedas that fit that description, he wasn’t exactly easy to forget. “Do you have any idea who it might be?” He already knew what his answer would be, especially if he was bringing it up like this, but perhaps there was a slim possibility it was someone else. Someone that he’d met on his travels, like the woman who had taught him to cook.

\---

“I thought you would have told me. But I had to ask.” He turned his face down toward the pillow, his hair falling over his features to obscure them. “I have some ideas. If I'm lucky, it's one of the women I met after I fled Tevinter. If I'm unlucky...I’m in a lot of trouble.”

\---

“You’re not,” he insisted, shaking his head and mussing his hair against the pillow. “If someone is really after you, they’re going to have to go through all of us to get to you.” Not a single one of them would let anything happen to him, so he had nothing to fear. “I know we spoke of fixing this place up, but… If you will not go somewhere else, perhaps you ought to have someone stay with you for a while. Just until we figure this out.”

\---

“I know. And to my advantage, she would not know how many people would fight for me. But she's a magister and a vicious one at that. She'd sacrifice her own children to please Danarius so I don't like to think of what she'd do to me to earn my repentance on the way back to him.” He frowned, but his face was still hidden. “I don't think anyone would stay but you and you have a clinic to run.”

\---

“I think you vastly underestimate our companions. Any of them would stay with you. Hawke, Varric, Isabela, even Merrill. Granted, they might drag you out of the house and force _you_ to accompany _them_ , but surely that’s a small price to pay for peace of mind.” He would stay with him if it wasn’t for the clinic, but since he was unable, he didn’t doubt one of the others would step in. “Perhaps when you apologize to Isabela, you can ask her. What else does she have to do when she’s not bothering Hawke, honestly?”

\---

“Perhaps. She could spend the days with me, then I could take her to Hawke’s or the Hanged Man at night before I go to pick you up from the clinic.” He slid a hand across the sheets to Anders, seeking his hand to lace their fingers. “Perhaps she'd help me. If it's really the magister after me, it won't just be me that she's after. She'll want to collect more slaves while she's at it. I don't want to expose myself, but if I can sabotage her and keep her from collecting any more slaves, I need to.”

\---

He saw his hand move and knowing what he wanted, he met him halfway. He let their fingers weave, thinking little of it when they were talking about something so serious. “Yes, but let’s not jump to conclusions. It might not even be her. We should talk to the others and let them know what’s going on so they can help us find out who it is and what they want. As far as you coming to get me, don’t worry about it. I can meet you at the Hanged Man. It seems it’s more risky for you to be alone than me, so it would be better we meet up somewhere.”

\---

“You’re right, it may not even be her. And that is why I will still meet you at the clinic. You do not need to take risks. I can still walk to you and if she and her lackeys are foolish enough to try to take me on the streets, they’ll regret it.” They didn’t know the town like he did and if he really didn’t think they would be so brazen to attack him out in public in a foreign town.

\---

“Fenris, you’ve no idea the risks I take and walking to Lowtown is far from one of them. The templars are a threat, yes, but not nearly as big of one as you seem to think. Trust me, will you?” In the past that would have been asking a lot of him, but he didn’t think it would be so much now.

\---

“I _saw_ the templars beating you and taking you captive. I trust you, I don’t trust them.” He still wanted to meet him at the clinic. It would be one less thing to fret over. “Just try to listen to any of the gossip brought into your clinic. If anyone has information on the person looking for me.” The elf was tired and stressed, finding that the hand he was holding wasn’t doing the trick tonight. For the first time without any prompting from the mage, Fenris moved in closer and nestled his head against Anders’ shoulder.

\---

“‘Beating’ is a bit strong. It was just a kick and they use to wake me up with kicks to the head all the time,” he replied lightly, trying to play down what had happened so he would stop worrying. “I’ll keep an ear out for-” He cut off and tensed a little when Fenris moved in, instinctively trying to lean back to make more room, but there was no where to lean and he began to tip off the bed. To counter the shift in weight, he lurched the other way and ended up grabbing onto Fenris’ arm and falling into him.

\---

He winced when the hand grabbed his arm, but relaxed when Anders settled into him. “See if anyone notices anything else about her. ‘Sexy’ wasn’t a very helpful description from Isabela.” He felt by the mage’s shifting that he must have startled him by moving closer and so by silent apology, he let his skin light up with a soft glow of lyrium.

\---

He blinked in bewilderment when Fenris took the sudden movement and positioning in stride, but he still eased himself back a little. Not much, since there wasn’t room to, just enough that he wasn’t pressed against him. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll do that.” He assured him, loosening his hand on him just long enough for him to start glowing, before tightening it again. He sucked in a sharp breath and held it, before letting it out slowly. “Are you sure you don’t want Baru tonight?” he offered, knowing this would be a lot simpler to take as a cat.

\---

“I’m sure. ...But you seem uncomfortable. I thought you wanted to be close like this…” Normally proximity like this was something he’d avoid himself. But he was seeking comfort and sleep tonight and having had a little more time to spend with the mage as a person, he felt ready to lay this close. He hadn’t expected Anders to shy away from him the way he was now.

\---

He wasn’t even sure what ‘like this’ meant. It wasn’t as if friends usually laid together like this, unless one of them was Isabela, but he knew better than to think that Fenris meant anything more by it. That the thought would even occur to him was ridiculous and he was quick to tell himself he was just confusing what was simple after his straying thoughts earlier. “I want whatever you want.” His eyes had shut and he took  in his presence carefully, overwhelming at it was.

\---

“If you’re certain.” He knew the mage was just trying to be agreeable, but he wished he knew what the other actually wanted. But he hoped this would work for both of them for tonight. It wasn’t as far as he’d pushed himself to try to please Anders their first night like this. They weren’t pressed together and he didn’t have an arm around him. But they were close, the simple contact between their bodies being their joined hands between them and his forehead resting against the mage’s shoulder. It was closer than he’d normally want to be to anyone, but still comfortable and safe. He kept up the gentle glow in his markings, hoping it would make Anders just as comfortable.

\---

He was so aware of him. His scent, his warmth, what seemed to be his very essence as it flowed into him. With enough time, he grew accustomed to all of it and, thankfully, he relaxed. His hand loosened and fell away from his arm, so only their held hands were giving him anything, but even just that contact was wonderful. His thoughts became peaceful and whatever concerns he’d had fell away. This wasn’t so bad and even as his heart seemed to beat too erratically to reflect the rest of his emotions, he was finding himself quite content.

\---

Eventually as he grew closer to sleep, the lyrium in his skin faded out. He fidgeted a little despite his comfort, as if trying to fight off slumber even though he knew he needed it tonight. His thoughts of magisters and templars faded, replaced by the simple comfort that came from having a friend. The same warmth he got from cuddling up to Baru and yet, this was just a little different. It was the same person, but just a little different to actually let his body relax beside a human. It took a little time, but his breathing finally slowed and his hand holding Anders’ gave a slight twitch before going heavy and limp with the rest of him as sleep finally took him.

\---

It took Anders a little longer, his mind circling around what he’d been told. He wanted to believe that it was nothing, but if it wasn’t they would make sure no one laid a hand on him. He would do ask Fenris asked and keep an ear out and when he had time, he would ask around himself. Whoever this woman was, they would know by the end of the week and from there, do what they had to for their warrior. It was to these plans that he drifted asleep, his body softening and then slumping into Fenris’.


	14. Chapter 14

After a couple weeks, life had become relatively normal for Fenris again. He’d discovered that it was in fact Hadriana that had been asking around for him. While that had initially incited a lot of paranoia and excessive drinking, it quickly subsided. From what he could tell, she’d made no headway in searching for him, oddly enough, and after the first week, he’d told Isabela that she didn’t have to stay with him during the daylight hours. Hadriana would soon move on, and as much as he’d liked the help in his mansion, he didn’t like her pressing questions about his new friendship with Anders.

It was none of her business, especially because he understood that their friendship was unconventional. Especially since Anders spent the majority of the friendship as a cat. He also realized that normal friends did not share a bed together every night. But since his relationship with Anders had been built on his bond with him as a cat, it felt natural to sleep in bed with him a couple nights a week as a person as well. He still was uncomfortable with too much touching in that form, but he had gotten used to sleeping close to him in a short time. In fact, the last night they’d spent together as people, he’d even draped an arm over Anders. It felt clean and safe, and he’d rested with a deep contentment, remembering his friends’ words. That his favorite place was in his arms.

He began his walk to the clinic, eager to get him back to the mansion and share a meal for the night. It would be an evening with his Baru and though he’d been feeding the cat a long time, few things pleased him more than watching his friend shamelessly scarf down a meal and seeing the slow improvement in his weight and his coat from all the good food. When he arrived, he’d expected the lantern to be out. For Anders to be cleaning up for the night and ready to head out with him. But to his surprise, the lantern was lit and the door was open. The clinic was still teeming with people in various states of injury. Clearly something had happened. With a frown on his lips, he made his way inside, gracefully sidestepping all of the patients to make his way to the busy healer. “What can I do?” He asked by way of greeting.

\---

This was far from his first disaster, but it wasn’t often that the clinic was this overrun so late into the night. After a full day of healing, he was ready to be done, but that decision had been made for him with the latest disaster and it seemed he would be here for a while yet. His hands were trembling and he was pale from all of the lyrium he’d downed in the last couple of hours, but that didn’t stop him from popping the cork on another vial and swallowing the contents when he needed to heal the patient in front of him.

“Alright, go sit back down. Tell your sister to come back,” he told the girl after sending a pulse of healing into her chest.

The voice beside him tore his eyes away from her retreating back and he was startled to see Fenris there. He hadn’t realized just how late it was and he sighed, “Fenris. I meant to send Lirene to tell you not to come, but I forgot.” The girl’s sister had stepped up to him and he focused on her, setting his hand on her chest. A little examination magic and then a pulse of healing, not unlike what he’d done just before, and he sent her back the way she came. “You don’t have to hang around,” he told him, beginning to move through the crowd to the next patient, his expression stressed as he paused to think, shaking his head to himself. “I’ll be here all night.” He finished, crouching down in front of someone that looked particularly weak. Anders spent a little longer with him, but it looked much the same as it had with the girls.

\---

“I’m not going to just leave you here.” Fenris said with a huff. Without waiting any longer for instruction, he went to the table where Anders kept supplies. There was alcohol, rags, and bandages, which was all he needed to work with. He moved to the patients that hadn’t been tended yet, but had obvious open wounds, starting with the one that looked the most grievous. He began to use the alcohol to clean the wounds, then dress them. It wouldn’t be as good as what the healer would be able to do when he had the chance, but it would slow the bleeding of the patients and give Anders more time to work.

\---

He didn’t have time to say anything. He seemed to be moving deliberately around, from one person to the next, but oddly enough, he was ignoring any physical wounds he saw. Unless they were dire, he assured them that he would get to them, before moving on to the next. He looped back around to the girl he’d treated when Fenris stepped in and gave her another bout of healing, before he had to stop to grab another vial of lyrium.

He’d seen Fenris working on his patients, taking care of what he couldn’t spare the magic for, and as he took the moment to turn his thoughts away from what he was doing, he realized that he’d only just arrived not that long ago. He stepped up to him and set a hand on his shoulder. “Fenris, which entrance did you come in?” His voice would have been dire if it weren’t so exhausted.

\---

“I just came in the door where your lantern is lit.” He placed a hand over Ander’s on his shoulder, making his tattoos glow as brilliantly as they did in battle to give the mage a rush of lyrium. He knew he could replenish him better than any potion. He wanted to know what had happened here, but he knew this wasn’t the time for questions. Perhaps once they had everyone mended and out the door he could ask about what had caused the wounds on these people.

\---

The glowing drew eyes and even a few gasps and Anders swayed where he stood, his hands tightened around the vial and on his shoulder to keep himself steady. It took him several beats for him to realize that he was just standing there and he drew his hand back, feeling as if he’d downed the potion he was holding onto. “No, I mean... to Darkdown. Did you come from Lowtown or Hightown?”

\---

When he pulled away, Fenris let the glow in his skin die. He wasn’t concerned with the onlookers. They were here for help from a healer so he doubted any of them would be inspired to report a glowing elf to the templars. If they did, there would be a few less templars once he killed whoever came to investigate. “Hightown. I was by myself today.”

\---

He nodded, seeming to expect that. “Okay, keep binding their wounds. I’ll take care of them after I’ve taken care of the poison.”

With that, he stepped away from him, returning to his patients. More trickled in and he broke away from what he was doing to go to them, examining them and healing them as needed. It was over an hour and two more vials of lyrium before things seemed to calm and he wasn’t bouncing between patients constantly. He was able to begin tending to their physical wounds, using traditional methods as much as he could, but augmenting it with healing where needed. Naturally, this took considerably longer than just using magic and it was hours still before the clinic was nearly cleared out and by that point, he looked like he was ready to collapse any moment.

\---

When the clinic was emptied to its last few patients, saved for last because their poison was healed and their wounds were minor, Fenris moved to Anders. “I will finish this. Sit.” He moved him to a chair, knowing that the mage would fall if he didn’t get off his feet soon. He eased him to sit down, using the brief contact to give him another short rush of lyrium. He moved back to the patients then, finishing their stitching and bandaging so he could get them out the door. Then he could clean up the place, but first he would get the mage to his cot.

\---

He couldn’t bring himself to fight him. As soon as he pushed into a chair, he sank heavily, seeming to have trouble even keeping his head up. “There might be more,” he mumbled, his entire body trembling from the lyrium he’d used. Far too much. He lifted a hand and pressed it his own chest, running some of the diagnostic magic he’d been using all night on himself. Poisoned, but not in the same way they had been. Nothing that would cause permanent damage, as long as he refrained from using more any time soon. “The poison was still in the air. They had to come back.” It probably made little sense to the warrior, but his brain was fogged and it made sense to him.

\---

“If there are more, I’ll do what I can. You’re done for tonight.” Fenris said as he bandaged the last of the patients. He wasn’t sure what else Anders was talking about, but was too intent on clearing the clinic to question him. He was probably too tired to give a straight answer anyway. When it was finally just the two of them, Fenris moved to the chair and bent, lifting him into his arms with a grunt. He didn’t trust him to keep his footing on the short walk to the cot. He laid him down once the reached it, glad to finally get the healer somewhere he could rest.

\---

He gave a little grunt of protest when he was lifted, but he just didn’t have it in him to fight him beyond that. When he was set down, he looked up at him, his eyes red with strain. “If more come, you have to help me get up.”

\---

“Hush, yi Baru. You’ve done enough.” He could see just how exhausted the healer was and he offered him a hand, letting his skin fill with lyrium once more. “Here, have a little more and go to sleep. I will watch over things.”

\---

“I mean it.” When the hand began to glow, his eyes fell to it and he swallowed. His hand lifted and he took it, his grip weak to start, but strengthening as soon as the lyrium flowed into him. The trembling in his hand lessened, but no so much through the rest of his body. “If they’re poisoned, they need me.” He pulled his hand down and pressed it to his chest, shuddering even though there wasn’t direct contact through his robe.

\---

“You won’t be able to help anyone if you don’t rest. Now hush.” He pressed his palm into his chest and offered him his other hand then, this time putting it by his lips. “You’re shaking. Drink from me, I think it will help you sleep.”

\---

His lips parted instinctively, use to suckling on his fingers when they came close to his mouth. Not in this form, always reserving this particularly interaction for when he was a cat, but his body reacted just the same. His hand lifted from the hand on his chest to clutch his wrist as his tongue slipped out to brush against the pad of his finger. As soon as it made contact, he was pulling the fingers into his mouth and sucking hard on a couple them with a weak groan.

\---

“That’s better.” It was still very strange, but he knew it would help. It was awkward standing bent over the cot this way, but he wanted to give Anders plenty of his energy before he slept, so he kept one hand channeling into his chest, two fingers of the other hand deep in the mage’s mouth. He didn’t want him to exhaust himself any further sucking as desperately as he was, so he murmured soft assurances to him in Tevene, hoping to soothe him a little.

\---

He had the fingers as deep as they could go, his entire body shuddering as he sucked the salt from them along with the lyrium. His free hand lifted and grabbed at him blindly, fingers digging into his armor. He pulled him, though it was weak, his body needing everything that he could get from him.

\---

He felt the fingers tugging at him and he followed it, sitting down on the edge of the cot though there was hardly room. He didn’t feel quite as strange this time, since this was being done out of necessity. Still it gave him those strange chills to watch the mage suck his fingers so deeply so he lowered his eyes.

\---

He felt the need to bob his head as he sucked, but it was too much energy to do so and he wasn’t in the best position for it anyway, so he started tugging and pushing at his wrist, moving the fingers instead and letting them slide in and out of his mouth shallowly. His tongue rubbed hungrily at the lines beneath them and he groaned again, his hand sliding up to his neck where he could feel his skin and have the direct contact he craved.

\---

At first he was confused by the hand manipulating his wrist, but eventually he was able to figure out what he wanted. He had no idea why and it brought an uneasy flush to his cheeks, but he followed the prompting and began to shallowly pump his fingers in and out of the mage’s mouth as he sucked. When he felt the hand on the skin of his neck, he leaned down just a little more so he’d have an easier time reaching him and getting the contact that he needed. This shift pressed his hip and his arm against the resting mage, giving him a little more lyrium even if their clothes obscured that contact.

\---

This was soothing him and working him up at the same time. The shaking from his overuse of lyrium had subsided, but the intensity of what was being poured into him continued to make him shudder in a completely different way. Especially when he began to pump his fingers himself. His hand rose from his wrist to join the other at his neck, holding either side of it and touching him as feverishly as he was working his fingers. He needed him and his body was hot with its craving for his incredible touch that made him feel like he was dreaming.

\---

“It’s alright…” He whispered, mistaking the desperation in the way he was touching him for fearfulness. His body was likely still so desperate for the lyrium and Fenris assumed that Anders was clutching at him because he was afraid he would stop pouring it into him at any moment. His free hand moved up to touch the healer’s cheek lightly and he closed his eyes, trying to focus the intensity of his lyrium as much as he could without actually phasing.

\---

He groaned deeply, sucking hard on his fingers and then turning his face towards the hand on his cheek. The fingers were so deep into his mouth that they remained inside even when he made a sound, as if to speak. Whatever it was he had to say wasn’t important enough for him to stop, because he continued sucking, though the desperation slowly waned. He woved his fingers together behind his neck and pulled, stronger this time, trying to bring him down completely.

\---

The elf began to follow the pull, but hesitated a little. There was no room. There was hardly room for Anders. He wasn’t sure it was a good idea to settle on top of him, especially since all the sucking of his fingers and groaning had stirred him just a little and he imagined it was enough that the healer might feel the start of arousal if they got that close. But clearly the other wasn’t in his right mind at the moment. And he’d worked himself nearly to the point of fainting, so getting him as much lyrium as possible before he slept was far more important. After a few beats of indecision, he lowered himself down over Anders, managing to keep a little of his side on the cot but having to mostly settle over him to fit.

\---

Whatever concerns that Fenris had weren’t reflected in the mage. Even after he came down on top of him, offering him the most incredible feeling as their bodies pressed together and he felt the comfort of his weight, and made his stiffening cock twitch against his hip, he didn’t care. He broke a hand away from his neck to press it against the hand on his cheek, holding it place as he turned his face enough to make the fingers finally slip out so he could start pressing kisses to his palm.

\---

Feeling the other’s arousal warmed his face with a deep flush and gave him a rough shiver down his spine. It seemed he was not the only one affected by this, though he knew neither of them intended any of this to be sexual. It was just what the mage needed to recover. His heart was pounding unevenly, but he was relieved when the sucking of his fingers was replaced by simple kisses. Perhaps that meant Anders was feeling better and this had helped.

\---

His tongue slipped out and he brushed it over where all the lines converged on his palm. He pressed another kiss there, softer, his eyes finally open to look up at the elf over him. He caught sight of his face, lit by the glow of his body, and he was rendered breathless. “Fenris,” he whispered, his eyes drifting down the lines on his chin to his neck, where his fingers still rested. He traced a line with his thumb and then brought it down to taste, as if there might be some residual lyrium left on his skin. There wasn’t as his eyes lifted back to the spot, his body reacting to the lust coursing through him, even though it was truly exhausted.

\---

It was clear by the way he drew in a slow breath as the thumb traced the tattoos on his neck that he was very sensitive there. “Are you feeling better, yi Baru?” He was still whispering, even though Anders had calmed. He didn’t trust that his voice would be steady if he used it. It felt good, really. The contact of their bodies, the tongue and fingers caressing his skin. It felt good in a way that he wasn’t at all used to because touches like this were usually associated with pain. But the mage had never hurt him and so he tried to ease the tension in his body, telling himself that he could relax and enjoy this for what it was while his friend recovered.

\---

“Please,” he murmured, arching himself slightly as if to get closer to him even though he already had him so close. “Don’t stop. Please, I need you.” There was a lot more truth to those words than he knew, but he was speaking out of what his body was telling him. It needed the elf and even as it was replenished, that need wasn’t fading. He was being greedy, taking in more and more, when he could easily stop and just sleep.

\---

“Just relax.” Fenris urged him softly, moving his hand back down to Anders’ chest to still him when he felt him trying to arch closer. “I’m not going anywhere. I won’t stop. Just relax.” He’d give the healer whatever he needed as long as the other would take the rest his body likely craved even more than lyrium at this point.

\---

“I need you,” he breathed, his cock aching. Even so, he tried to listen. Since they’d become friends, the elf had only ever done what he thought was best for him. He licked his lips and then closed his eyes, trying to relax. When he gave in, it wasn’t so hard. The lyrium did as it was meant to and all of his body’s woes began to fade. Even the lust eased, though not as much as the rest of it.

\---

“I won’t go anywhere.” He murmured again to ease his worries. He began to relax a little as well as he felt him begin to calm. He could still feel the hard cock pressing into his hip and he was still a little stiff himself, but he knew that should subside for both of them now that Anders didn’t need to suck his skin desperately. His fingers began to rub his chest slowly through his robes, hoping to soothe him further.

\---

With enough time, his body gave in completely and he passed out. He went limp rather suddenly, but it wasn’t reflected everywhere. Even after he was asleep, it took considerably longer for that particular part of him to soften, but eventually it did too. He was left breathing deeply, his lips slightly parted as air passed through them, the color having returned to his face by the time he was resting peacefully.

\---

Only when he’d been out for a couple hours did Fenris finally let up on his lyrium. It wasn’t taxing on him in the way using magic was on mages, but it still took effort to maintain and he was relieved to let the light die in his skin. He still meant to clean up the mess inside of the clinic, so he very carefully eased himself off of the cot so everything would be in order when the healer woke the next day.

\-----

It was late in the morning when Anders woke. His eyes cracked open and he groaned, feeling awful. Even with all of Fenris’ assistance, he’d still poisoned himself and it would take some time for his body to fully recover. He felt hungover and though he looked better, his expression was far from pleased as he pushed himself up and pressed a hand to his throbbing head. A little magic to ease it and he was able to look around himself and spy the warrior sitting nearby, seeming to be sleeping.

“Oh Maker,” he buried his face in his hands, everything from the night before coming back to him.

\---

When he heard the other begin to stir, Fenris opened his eyes. He looked tired, having spent the night cleaning and the morning tending to the people who had come to the door for Anders. None of them had been poisoned or in serious trouble, so he hadn’t needed to wake the other. Two of the patients would return in the afternoon, one just needed some stitches so he’d been able to handle that on his own, and the last to knock on the door had simply left a gift basket for the healer. When his gaze settled on Anders, he frowned. “Are you alright? Do you need more lyrium?”

\---

He jolted at the sound of his voice, his hands falling from his face to see him looking at him. “No!” This was said a little too insistently and he winced. “I mean, no. I’m fine, thank you.” He couldn’t bring himself to meet his gaze and as he swung his feet off the edge of his cot. “What time is it? Is it morning?” He had no windows in his clinic, so with the doors closed it was hard to tell what time it was.

\---

“It’s closer to noon now. I took care of the people that have come to door this morning. Though two are coming back later - I couldn’t use stitching or bandaging to fix an upset stomach or chronic foot pain.” He rose to his feet, sure Anders would want him out of his hair now that he was awake and would be opening his clinic so late.

\---

He frowned, displeased with having slept in so much. “You didn’t have to stay,” he told him, trying to straighten out his robes as rose from the cot. He stepped out into the floor of the clinic and paused to see that it was clean and organized; definitely not how he’d left it the night before. “...And you didn’t have to do all that.”

\---

“No, but I told you that I would stay. It is what a friend would do.” He followed him out onto the clinic floor, stretching, then shaking out his limbs. “If you’re sure you’re feeling alright, I’ll head out. I’ll just come back sometime tonight if you feel up to visiting.”

\---

He glanced at him, but quickly looked away once more. “I think I might just stay in tonight.” He did appreciate what he’d done for him, but he couldn’t help but feel that he’d managed to take advantage of his kindness. The fact that he’d hung around all night and cleaned just made the feeling worse. He moved to sit down at his desk, still trying to get his wits about him after the night before.

\---

“I guess I’ll stop by tomorrow night then and see if you feel up to it.” He frowned a little, sure that the mage was tired and would need more time to recover, but also feeling as if perhaps he’d done something wrong. He’d just have to see how things were once Anders was feeling better. “Vitae benefaria.” With that, he headed out, eager to get home and rest a little more before he’d do more work in his own place.

\---

When he was gone, he slumped down to the desk, frowning to himself. He’d gone too far and while Fenris had indulged him, he knew that it was only because he’d been so unwell. He _had_ taken advantage of his kindness, even if he hadn’t meant to. He had to get this out of his system… He had the night to himself, so he decided that he’d stop by Hawke’s place to tell him about the poisoning that had taken place, wanting to get to the bottom of it so nothing like that would ever happen again, and then go to the Blooming Rose since it was in the area.

Anytime he’d even stepped into the establishment, Justice had filled him with disgust and even thinking about it, he could feel it building, but he needed it. He’d not taken advantage of a place like that since he’d merged with him and he knew he wouldn’t even necessarily need to take coin with him. If he cleaned himself up a little and caught enough eyes, he could probably get a patron or two to approach him and that would be an arrangement that would suit both of them - completely free of coin. Deciding that it was his best bet for getting over… whatever these feelings were with Fenris, he rose to his feet with his plan made.


	15. Chapter 15

After a couple weeks, things had not returned to their usual routine. Anders no longer wanted to spend every night with him, choosing instead to keep it to just a few nights a week. This was a little disconcerting, as Fenris had hoped that he’d just needed a few nights to recover from the disaster at the clinic. But it seemed the healer truly did want space between them.

He’d managed to keep himself busy, working on the mansion with some help from Isabela and checking around town for any movement on Hadriana’s front. But even if the days went quickly, the nights alone seemed very long. Though he’d gone the night before without seeing his friend, he was pleased that they had plans for the morning. He walked to the clinic at sunrise and tapped on the door, his basket for collecting herbs in hand. They rarely spent time in the day together and he was pleased to collect a few things for his kitchen that was coming together if he found any herbs the healer wouldn’t need.

\---

At the knock on his door, he rose to his feet and made his way over. He figured it was Fenris, but it wasn’t uncommon for someone to knock even when the lantern was out to see if he was there. Sometimes he was. Opening it, he was pleased that he was right and offered him a smile, trying to ignore the rush of pleasure he felt at seeing him. “You made it.” He pulled back from the door to grab his staff and a bag that he’d set down near it. “I’m ready to go if you are.”

\---

At the smile, Fenris’ lips quirked up slightly. Even if they didn’t see each other as often, it still felt good to see the mage’s face light up when he arrived. “Let’s get going then.” He lead the way out, walking slowly so the other could fall into step beside him. He hadn’t brought his sword, not expecting any trouble on the path to the quiet meadow and confident that he could take care of any trouble they stumbled upon with his bare hands if need be.

\---

He stepped out and locked the door behind him, before walking quickly to catch up to him. When he came up beside him, he slowed down and fell into the same pace. “How are you doing?” he asked, slinging the bag over his shoulder as they made their way out of Darktown. It had been pretty quiet of late and since he hadn’t seen him the night before, he was curious if there was anything new. He knew that he was still keeping an ear and eye out for the woman that had been asking around for him, but it seemed they were in the clear for that.

\---

“I’m fine.” It was the only answer he ever gave any of them. Even Anders, who was close enough to him to know better much of the time. “I did a lot of work in the mansion yesterday. You’ll hardly recognize it when you see it.” With little else to do since Hawke hadn’t called on him for anything, he’d worked on it through the day and night.

\---

The answer wasn’t a surprise, but it didn’t stop him from asking. Maybe one day he’d get something else. ‘I’m well’ or ‘I’ve been better’. Either way, it would be an improvement. “I look forward to it. I know it’s been a lot of work, but it’s really coming along, especially with Isabela’s help. I wish I could’ve done more, like we talked about, I’ve just been so busy.” That was true to a degree and as far as fixing up Fenris’ place went, he just didn’t have the time.

\---

“That’s alright. I don’t have much else to do during the day if Hawke doesn’t need me anyway.” When they reached the meadow, the elf was pleased to find it as quiet and devoid of people as he’d hoped. He had at least a vague idea of what the healer needed, but still waited for direction from the other. “Where should we start?”

\---

The walk was quiet and when they got out of the city, the fresh air was nice. Living in the sewers wasn’t exactly conducive with good air quality and at best it was stale and at worst it sent the residents of Darktown into coughing fits that brought them to his door. He liked getting out and his favorite missions were ones that saw them traveling to the Wounded Coast and Sundermount, even though he wasn’t particularly fond of either area.

“Let’s head towards the lake and we can follow it around. I need a couple of herbs that tend to grow around fresh water.” On top of what he usually picked when they were out and about. The lake was a walk yet and so they would be able to scour for plenty on the way.

\---

Fenris nodded and walked with him toward the lake, pausing every once in awhile to pick anything along the way that looked promising. “Do you want me to pick something up from Lady Margo for our dinner tonight? I think she’s making rosemary chicken.”

\---

He was pausing just as often, plucking everything that he could find as they walked, setting it all into his smaller sacks within his bag. He looked over when he spoke, having just straightened up from picking some deathroot that he carefully put away. “That sounds good, but I won’t be able to come by tonight. You should get it for yourself.”

\---

“You aren’t coming tonight?” He asked, looking to him with a frown. For the most part they’d at least managed every other night since Anders had chosen to stay at his clinic more often. But he hadn’t been over last night and it seemed he intended to miss another now.

\---

“Not tonight, but I can come by tomorrow,” he assured him, his eyes on his frown. He wasn’t sure what it was for and he studied him as he slipped his bag back over his shoulder and moved a little closer to him.

\---

Fenris nodded, but said nothing further. He’d gone quiet like this a couple other times since they’d started spending fewer nights together, but not quite so abruptly. His eyes were on the ground and he decided it was best to focus on what he could pick from the plants, the frown still on his lips.

\---

He waited a while, to see if whatever was bothering him would fade, but it seemed not. “What is it?” he asked, moving closer still, but maintaining respectable distance between them. He always did when he was human, only allowing himself to really indulge when he was Baru. The fact that they weren’t holding hands was due in part to this distance that he maintained, not wanting to let himself get carried away after managing to get himself into check with his visit to the Blooming Rose.

\---

This time, he knew that his usual nondescript answer would not cut it. He looked to Anders, then his gaze immediately dropped to the ground again. There was a beat of silence as he gathered his thoughts, then he sighed. “If I overstepped a boundary that night in the clinic, I apologize. I was truly only doing what I thought would help you. But if I have offended you, I am sorry.”

\---

He lost his stride and with a slight stumble, caught it again, but he had gone a bit pale. “You haven’t offended me… I-... Why do you think I’m offended?” His steps had slowed, but he was still walking, no longer paying attention to the plants in front of them as they walked through them.

\---

“Because ever since that night, you haven’t…” He trailed off there and shook his head. He took another moment to sort his thoughts, then started again. “It feels like you don’t want to spend time with me the way you used to. I thought maybe you just needed a little space after that night, but it seems to be the new norm. I was wondering if you’d distance yourself further and now...well, I’m sorry if it was something I did.”

\---

He frowned and looked away from him, fixing them ahead as he chewed on that response. It made him feel guilty and it seemed there was little he could do right in this situation. “I didn’t think you’d care. I mean, I don’t think Isabela spends every night with Hawke and you know how they are together.” But that was a bad example, wasn’t it? They were an odd couple, to say the least, and they _were_ a couple. Why was he comparing them to a couple? “I thought you’d be glad for some time to yourself.” He really had thought that he’d appreciate some solitude after having him around constantly.

That wasn’t why he’d started spending nights at the clinic, though. “It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you…” He was distancing himself. It would be a lie to say that he wasn’t, but it wasn’t in the way he seemed to think. “I would come tonight if I didn’t have something important to do.” He was being vague intentionally, not because he had anything to hide, but because he so rarely talked about himself, even with Fenris, and he knew he didn’t want to hear it. “You don’t have to apologize to me. I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel like you have to.”

\---

“I liked things the way they were. And I didn’t know that night would change things the way it did. If I don’t owe you an apology, I don’t know what caused it.” He stopped to pick a few things, hardly paying any attention to what he was doing but wanting to occupy himself with something. “Will you tell me if you just don’t want to stay anymore?”

\---

With a sigh, he stopped walking. “...Will you sit with me?” If they were going to talk about this, they might as well talk about it properly. There was nothing to sit on, but the meadow itself was lush enough that they could just drop to the ground where they were and it would be comfortable enough.

\---

“Of course.” It likely didn’t bode well, but he wanted the truth. He glanced around for a place to sit, but since there was nothing convenient, he lowered down to the ground where he was. He folded his legs, setting his basket beside him so his hands could rest on his knees. He finally looked to Anders again, his eyes grim and anxious.

\---

He backed up a little, putting more space between them as he set his staff aside so he could sit in front of him. He really didn’t want to talk about this, but he’d always been frank enough when it came to these things. With Fenris, it would probably be a mistake, but it was better than letting him worry, especially since it seemed he would blame himself for whatever changes happened between them.

“It’s not that I don’t want to stay, it’s that I can’t. Not every night, anyway.” His eyes dropped to the ground between them and he picked absently as some weeds close to his leg. “We’ve gotten really close and in doing so I- I’ve developed feelings for you. I wish that I hadn’t, but, you know, these things have their way of sneaking up on you.” For the first time in a long time he felt scared of him, the irrational part of his mind telling him that he would turn on him and attack him for betraying his trust and pursuing closeness with some ulterior motive.

“I do not wish to jeopardize your friendship and it’s hard for these feelings to pass when I am around you all the time, so I just need a little space so that they can run their course…” That was if he still wanted to be his friend or have him close after hearing the truth of it.

\---

That was the last thing he’d expected to hear. His cheeks warmed in the way they did now and then around the mage and he had to lower his eyes again. After he took a moment to think that over, he looked up to him again, his eyes a little softer and less solemn than when the conversation began. “...Is distancing yourself preferable to having feelings for me? We do make each other happy.” He knew nothing of relationships, but he did know that getting close to Anders was the best thing to happen to him. He didn’t want the other to stay away for fear of those feelings creeping back even if they did run their course.

\---

He frowned, not sure what to make of that response. “I don’t know that I’ve distance myself enough for that question to be fair. I am your friend, I see you often, if not everyday, and there is little I wouldn’t do for you. To answer it, though, yes it is. I would rather distance myself from you than risk our friendship entirely by allowing these feelings to get the better of me and ruin what we have. I haven’t had a friend like you my entire life.”

\---

“But why would feelings ruin things? We could be closer.” Like other couples were. Not that he knew the intimate details of any of the couples he saw. Only that they were close and that they seemed happy. He didn’t see how it would change anything between them except that they could spend more time together. “If you developed feelings for me, perhaps it is for a good reason.”

\---

His eyes lifted and he stared at him, finally clueing in to what he seemed to be getting at. “I’m sorry, are you saying… You want to be with me?” It sounded strange on his tongue and even his expression reflected how odd it was, but his heart suddenly picked up. He’d hit on Hawke and been turned down swiftly and would have expected the same if he’d ever attempted such with Fenris, except with the added bonus of losing all the progress they ever made.

\---

The question sounded just as strange to him and he fidgeted restlessly. He didn’t understand what it was to be in a relationship, but he did want to ‘be with’ Anders. That was what this was all about. He didn’t like these nights without him. “Yes. I don’t know how to-...I’ve never…” He had no idea what he was even trying to say, rarely did he stumble over words quite like this and he ended up spitting it out in Tevene. “Os urad veyhad enhi ohuhn.”

\---

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing and he was flooded with cold shock as the truth of it crashed into him. He regretted putting space between them and he shifted forward, moving on his hands and knees to close the distance between them. His eyes were fixed intently on his face, trying to read him. “Tell me. Tell me what you said.” He needed to know what he said.

\---

“...I _do_ want to be with you.” It was easier to get out this time, keeping it simple before going on to explain his shortcomings. “I just don’t know how. I’ve never been close to anyone.” Though the heat and color in his face suggested that he didn’t mind trying it. Anders would start staying with him every night again. When he moved in close, he reached out, his hand seeking Anders’.

\---

“Fenris…” His voice was weak and whatever walls he’d tried erecting around his heart had crumbled and it was left exposed as it raced. He took the hand as it reached for him and pulled it up to his mouth to press a kiss to it, before leaning in and taking hold of his cheeks to draw him into a kiss.

\---

He had little experience with this and it showed in the timid way he returned it. He broke it rather quickly, as if needing to regroup, but pressed two soft, short pecks to the mage’s lips before settling into a proper kiss again. It felt better than he ever remembered it being, but then, he hadn’t liked the person he’d kissed before and ambush kisses he’d gotten from interested strangers since he’d been on the run hardly counted for anything.

\---

It was perfect. Everything he could have wanted and he was so thrilled that he was lightheaded. All of the emotions he’d been holding back came rushing out of him and into the kiss as he tried to press himself against him. He wanted to feel those arms come around him and hold him as they so often did for Baru.

\---

He tried to keep up with all Anders was pouring into the kiss, wanting to start this with a good impression even if he wasn’t the smoothest kisser. When the body pressed in close to him, he gave a light shiver, but did not shy away. His hands rose to find Anders, settling on his sides, his fingers twisting into his robes as if he felt he needed to hold tightly to the other to stay grounded.

\---

It wasn’t much longer until he broke the kiss, lowering his head to his shoulder and hugging him. “I didn’t think you’d want me,” he admitted quietly, tightening his hold as if it might still turn out to be true. “In the clinic, I wanted you so badly.” That was why he’d started distancing himself, but he didn’t have to anymore.

\---

Talking of that night gave him another shiver, his arms moving from his sides to drape around him loosely. “I felt that. You probably felt me too. I was embarrassed that I reacted like that until I felt you…” It definitely had been a relief to feel how hard the mage had been. But that entire situation had still been stressful and he wasn’t sure what would happen when something like that came up again between them.

\---

He smiled, surprised by his admittance. “Actually, I didn’t. I was so out of it and when you do that for me… I can’t describe what it feels like.” His mind had been so fixed on the sensations and the lust it gave him, he hadn’t noticed him pressing into him in return. “I could suck on your fingers for hours.” His voice was just a little heated as he said this, leaning in and pressing a quick kiss to his neck.

\---

“You didn’t? You must have been out of it, then. I thought you’d notice right away.” He felt himself tense and his stomach gave an uneasy turn at his tone, but the kiss to his skin soothed him. “If you’ll come stay with me tomorrow, you can suck on them as long as you like.” Perhaps he’d come back the following night if he let him suck lyrium from his fingers until he fell asleep.

\---

He felt him tense and it made him pause, but when he went on he let it go as nothing. “I’ll come,” he assured him, having no reason to stay away. He really did have something to do tonight though. It was shitty timing, but they would have every night to come to make up for it. The promise gave him a thrill that felt different to his exuberance at suddenly finding himself with the warrior that at one time had hated his guts. The thought was almost bizarre with how far they had come, but he’d truly never expected it to go _this_ far.

\---

“Good.” He would stay with him tomorrow night and things would be more like they used to be. He wanted to give him a little extra incentive to start staying with him again so he let his lyrium flood his skin, letting it seep into the healer from all of the contact their bodies had. “I’ve missed sleeping beside you.”

\---

That made him press closer, his arms turning clinging as he was rewarded for his answer. It wasn’t as if they’d stopped completely, but he didn’t bother to argue that point. “I’ll stay with you.” That was all that mattered.

\---

He was pleased to hear it and he let his head rest on Anders’ shoulder as they rested, embracing each other in the soft glow of his lyrium. For the moment he’d forgotten all about the herbs they were supposed to be picking. What mattered was that he’d made his friend happy and now they would be even closer.

\---

It took a long time before he was ready to let go, but when he pulled away, he took the opportunity to pull him into lingering kiss. When he broke it, he drew back, amber meeting green with a bright smile unlike any the warrior would have ever seen on him. “We should get moving. We’ll be stuck in the heat if we linger too long.” He couldn’t resist swooping in to steal another peck, before starting to rise with his staff.

\---

Seeing him smile that way brought a smile to his own lips that was usually reserved for Baru. He managed to respond a little better to these kisses and after Anders rose, he slowly climbed to his feet as well. “It will be cooler by the lake.” He bent to grab his basket, letting the light fade from his skin.

\---

As soon as they were on their feet, Anders took hold of his free hand, weaving their fingers together. It was a stark contrast to the distance he’d kept between them on the way here, but he didn’t seem to notice. “So if someone asks you how you’re doing later, is your answer still going to be ‘fine’?” He asked with a grin, feeling deliriously happy in a way that he hadn’t in a very long time.

\---

“No. I’m a little better than fine now.” Why wouldn’t he be? His closest friend was going to want to spend every moment he could with him. He gave his hand a squeeze, still smiling as he watched the ground for anything useful as they walked. He’d just have to keep himself occupied to make the time go quickly until he could pick up Anders the next night.

\---

“Good.” His thumb stroked his hand as they walked and he still wasn’t paying much attention to everything around them. This had turned into a walk it seemed, though he did occasionally spot something that he paused to grab, this time dragging the warrior with him since he refused to let go of him.

\---

Fenris also stopped now and then to pick something, but was not particularly interested in the herbs. They’d just make their way around the lake, then head back to town to go on with their day. He’d talk to Lady Margo tonight and see what he could do about getting a nice dinner set up for them tomorrow night. After all, they should celebrate.


	16. Chapter 16

The next night, Fenris was eager to go collect Anders. He’d used some of his time during the day to set up what he hoped would be a pleasant surprise for the mage. He wanted to see him smile the way he had in the meadow the day before. It was a relief to see the lantern was out when he arrived at the clinic - no unpleasant surprises to keep the clinic open late. He knocked at the door, not sure what to think about the nervous fluttering in his chest while he waited on the healer.

\---

There was an eagerness that was unlike him when he went to the door. Opening it, he saw Fenris and like the previous day, he smiled, but he was much more openly excited. “Hey, come inside. I was just finishing cleaning up.” He was nearly done, but he wanted to greet him properly first, so as soon as he stepped in, Anders shut the door behind him and stepped in for a kiss.

\---

Fenris was more prepared this time and he met the kiss eagerly. He was a quick study and he moved with the mage’s lips much smoother than he had the day before. When he broke it, he gave him a little smirk. “Let’s hurry. Our dinner is cooling.” He could help clean up so they could get going.

\---

“Oh, alright. I’ll finish up later.” There wasn’t much left to do and it was unlike him to leave it unfinished, but he could get to it in the morning. He tried to primp just a little, since he always looked worse for wear at the end of the day, before returning to his side. “Let’s go.” He walked with him back outside and locked the door, before heading out.

\---

When he was ready to go, he waited for him to lock up before starting the walk to Hightown. He walked close to him but still refrained from taking his hand while they were out in town. “No big disasters in the clinic today?” There at least hadn’t been blood on the ceiling, which Fenris always decided constituted a more exciting day for the healer.

\---

“Not today, though Hawke did stop by. He thinks he has a lead on the poison barrels that were released around Darktown and so we’re going to check that out tomorrow. Did he tell you about it?” He felt the urge to take his hand, but they’d never walked around Kirkwall hand in hand, so he didn’t want to push and he didn’t really want anyone looking on anyway.

\---

“No, he didn’t. But he tends to come tell me about these things at the last possible moment. I’m sure I’ll be coming along tomorrow.” He did want to know who had released the poison in Darktown anyway, having been there to see the aftermath. It wasn’t until they reached the mansion, as usual, that he reached to take his hand. The fragrance of dinner carried from the doorway and he was all too eager to usher him to the table. The plates and silverware were set out properly for once, the plates loaded with one of Lady Margo’s fanciest meals - lamb stuffed with rich cheese and herbs with a colorful blend of vegetables on the side. There were candles flickering along the table, though he hadn’t been able to find a set and so most of the candles were mismatched. He’d gotten flowers for the centerpiece, but the vase he’d found was too big and so the flowers tipped weakly to one side, despite his effort to fill the rest of the vase with some of the various herbs he’d picked for the kitchen. He’d even brewed some tea for Anders, but in his excitement to set the table to surprise him, he poured it too early and so it would be cold by the time the healer tasted it.

\---

He looked around as they made their way back to his room, impressed by how nice it looked. At this point, it was as if it wasn’t even the same rundown mansion. It was turning into a proper home, not unlike Hawke’s, except Fenris’ was severely lacking in furniture or decoration after tossing out all of the broken junk. “You’ve made a lot of progress,” he complimented him, just before they stepped inside.

He gasped upon seeing the romantic way the table was set up and his eyes went wide. “Fenris, what…?” He moved closer to the table, taking in the way everything had been put together with a blushing grin. “You did all this for me?” Everything about it was endearing, especially the flowers - a touch he never would have expected - sitting sadly.

\---

He was pleased with the reaction to his efforts, a smirk on his lips. “Of course. I thought we should celebrate…” He had no idea what he was doing, but it seemed he'd done something right. “Do you like it?” He asked, moving toward his usual place at the table.

\---

“I love it.” He sank down into the chair next to him, scooting closer so they were side by side. “It looks incredible,” he told him, his eyeing the food that he’d picked up for them. Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to his cheek and then straightened up, feeling giddy. “You even got me tea!” He sounded so pleased as he reached for the cup. It didn’t feel warm and a sip proved it to be so, but he didn’t mind. He was always careful not to use magic around him when they were alone, but he didn’t think about it this time as he used his hands to heat it.

\---

The elf didn't seem to mind the magic at the dinner table. It wasn't directed at him, after all. He smiled when his cheek was kissed, pleased that all of his efforts had been well-received. “I tried to find you better tea than the swill they serve you at the Hanged Man.” It seemed more proper to celebrate with wine, but he'd noticed the other man always got tea at the tavern.

\---

“Not a difficult task. Any tea is better than what they serve there, but this is really good.” He sipped it again when it was hot and made a satisfied sound. Setting the cup down, he picked up his cutlery and cut off a bit of lamb to try it, his expression blissful. “I really ought to meet this woman.” The fact that she served those who needed it made him like her all the more and he found himself eating more enthusiastically than usual. After having gotten use to regular meals and having had two days without a proper one, he was a bit more ravenous than usual, especially when it tasted so good.

\---

“She would like to meet you too. I can take you to her some time if the clinic closes a little early.” Fenris was caught up in indulging in his own meal, but he saw how eagerly Anders was digging into his dinner. “You must be hungry. You usually pick at food when you're not yi H’la Baru.”

\---

He slowed down sheepishly, but shrugged. “It’s easier to have manners as a person, but you’re not wrong. You’ve spoiled me with food and I’m not use to being hungry anymore.” He went for his tea again, giving himself a reason to slow even more. “You should’ve seen me when I first became a Grey Warden. The first night, I got up while everyone else was sleeping, went down to the kitchen and stuffed myself with half the pantry. A patrolling guard found me amidst the mess and laughed himself silly. Apparently a common sight with fresh recruits.” It wasn’t often he’d talk about his past, but from time to time he spoke out of nowhere like this.

\---

“I prefer to see you enjoy it. No need for manners, whether you're Baru or Anders.” He sipped at a glass of wine, studying the mage. “I don't know much about Wardens, but I've heard of their appetites being out of control. That went away eventually?”

\---

“It gets better. The first week is awful for it and you eat everything you can get your hands on, but no, it never really goes away. Feeding a company of Grey Wardens takes triple the amount of food it would for a company of average soldiers. Any king would agree that it’s a small expense to pay in exchange for the services they provide.”  They, as if he wasn’t one of them himself.

\---

“Then perhaps I haven't been feeding you well enough. I could get more for you if you're ever left unsatisfied when the meal is done.” Though the portions he got for both of them were generous. He needed plenty to eat after a long day on the front line of battle during Hawke’s missions. On the down time in between, he ate fewer meals in the day but still ate heartily when he did.

\---

“You give me plenty. I’ve gotten use to it. Like with anyone, if you’re hungry long enough your body adapts.” Was it necessarily good for him? No, but he never really felt the ill effects of his poor self care. He had a feeling that Justice had something to do with it, always discouraging him from wasting times on frivolous things and pushing him past what he would’ve given if left to his own devices. “You’ve done a lot for me and I’ve definitely put on some weight, thanks to you. Keep it up and I’ll get fat and you won’t find me pretty,” he pretended to pout, sticking out his lower lip.

\---

“You're a very long way from fat. You look much better since you've put on a little weight, even as Baru.” The difference was more noticeable in the cat, but it was obvious in both forms. “I've _un_ -adapted to hunger and if you keep coming to stay with me, your body will too.”

\---

That was true enough. He hadn’t noticed until his robes began fitting better. He paid so little attention to himself and lacking a proper mirror in the clinic, it had taken him a while to realize he was no longer all ribs. “I already have, but you needn’t be concerned about it until you wake to find me emptying your stores.” He leaned over to press another kiss to his cheek, unable to help himself with the affection.

\---

“I'll consider it a compliment when you start raiding my kitchen.” He smiled when his cheek was kissed again, relieved that he'd managed to please Anders with his shaky attempt at a romantic dinner. When he finished up his own meal, he drained the last of his glass of wine, sighing in contentment.

\---

“Speaking of, when are you going to start cooking?” With the the way the place was coming along and with the herbs they’d gathered, surely he would start soon. “If you don’t mind a late dinner, I can help. I know a thing or two.” When he finished his own food and tea, he reached for his hand, taking hold of it and weaving their fingers together.

\---

“I just have a little more to finish before the kitchen will be ready. We could make something together. And I'm going to take some lessons from Lady Margo.” He had grown spoiled to holding his hand so he was quick to help lace their fingers.

\---

“You’ll have to tell me about your progress when you do.” He was always so interested in him and the going ons in his life, even if there wasn’t much to tell. He rose to his feet and tugged him up with him. “For now, what do you want to do? Sit by the fire? Lay down?” He still couldn’t believe that they were together and the happiness it gave him was all over his face, especially after such a thoughtful dinner.

\---

“It's late and I know you're tired. Let's go lay down.” As Baru, they could rest by the fire because the cat could lay down in his lap. But as Anders, he knew the other couldn't get quite so comfortable. He lead the man to his bed, which was looking much better along with the rest of the place, and released his hand to settle on his usual side.

\---

He sat down on the edge of the bed and took the time to unlace his boots, setting them aside, before sliding in beside him. He didn’t shy away to the edge of the bed like usual, but he didn’t close the distance between them either. He wasn’t sure what was allowed and he didn’t want to presume in this instance, though he imagined he wouldn’t mind if he went for a proper cuddle.

\---

He reached for his hand again once they were both settled. He looked very comfortable beside him and once they were touching, his skin began to glow softly. After all, he'd promised he could suck the lyrium from his skin for hours if he liked when he came back. If it meant the healer would want to stay every night again, he didn't mind giving him the energy until sunrise.

\---

It felt so good when they touched like this, but he knew that he was prompting more than hand-holding. It made him shift closer, coming up to him so their bodies were lightly touching as he pulled his hand up to his mouth. He pressed a kiss to his knuckles, his eyes fixed on Fenris’. “Does it feel like anything to you? When you’re touching me like this?” Or was it entirely one-sided?

\---

“It's subtle, but it feels nice.” He met his gaze serenely. “My lyrium pulls toward you just a little when we touch. So when I do this with you it just feels...natural. To let that energy go where it wishes.”

\---

That made him smile and he continued to brush his lips over his knuckles, his breathing deepening as he tempted himself. “Nice doesn’t even begin to describe it for me.” It really didn’t. He traced his tongue along the line on top of a finger, shivering from the contact and seeking more. He let the tip of his finger slip into his mouth, but unlike the desperate way he’d sucked it before, he was almost teasing himself as he suckled and licked it.

\---

It was a little more like the way Baru suckled from his fingertip and he smiled. “A little better than nice?” He'd seen him react to it to know that the experience was almost otherworldly for him.

\---

“A little,” he murmured, letting the finger slide from his mouth long enough to respond. When he took it back in, he worked it in deeper, humming as slid his mouth up and down his finger slowly. In his robes, his body began to respond to what he was doing, having fantasized about sucking on his fingers while touching himself ever since the night in the clinic despite trying to draw a line between them. He’d gone so far as to suck on his own fingers, pretending they were Fenris’.

\---

He let Anders control this since he had a little energy this time, letting him slide his finger in and out as much as he liked. When his tongue touched one of the more tender marks, he gave a little shiver. He closed his eyes, relaxing as he let the mage take what he wanted, relieved that the lack of desperation and moaning kept his own cock from stirring.

\---

He wanted to taste more of him and he pulled off his finger after slowly but surely sucking it raw to try and pull him in, wanting him to lay over him as he had in the clinic. “Fenris,” he murmured, his hands gripping him hungrily as tried to bring him as close as possible.

\---

The elf moved closer when he was pulled, but it took him a beat to realize he wanted him to lay over him. He settled over Anders, a little tense and unsure of how to lay. But after receiving so many pecks of affection from him, he was inspired to press a soft, sweet kiss to his cheek.

\---

The kiss made him smile and he looked up at him, his hands sliding over his sides and along his back. “How much would you mind it if I took off all that you’re wearing?” he asked, his voice low. He’d never seen him unarmored, always in a state of constant vigilance, and he wanted to feel his skin and traced the tattoos that covered his body.

\---

“I don't mind, if you wish to see all of me.” He was used to people being curious of the markings beneath his armor. He was used be being stripped down for Danarius’ guests to see, but he had never once been asked if he minded until just now. “...I have not been without my armor in front of anyone in a very long time.”

\---

“Then I am honored,” he murmured, lower still. He leaned up to capture his lips in a kiss, before easing his head back down, trying to maintain it as he did so. His fingers continued to run over him, blindly seeking fastenings, but he had no idea how it worked, so after enough struggling, he ended up chuckling and looking down between them. “Allow me to rephrase: how much would you mind taking off all that you’re wearing for me?”

\---

He smiled against his lips, amused to feel his fingers fumbling. It would be hard to undress completely this way so he eased himself first off of Anders, then off the bed. On his feet, it was much easier to unfasten his armor and peel everything away, letting it fall until he was left standing entirely bare. His skin was still glowing softly with lyrium, the intricate patterns that covered every inch of his flesh painting him in blue light.

\---

He pushed himself up to an elbow to watch him, his mouth going dry when everything began to fall away to reveal him. When there was nothing left but skin, his eyes raked over him slowly. “Come here…” He wanted him to come back and his arm reached for him, silently summoning him.

\---

Though he hadn’t seemed to have any qualms about taking all of his clothes off for him, the elf seemed a little more nervous about returning to him now that he was bare. He moved slowly back to Anders and climbed onto the mattress beside him. “Is it what you imagined?” He was curious if the mage had expected him to be carved everywhere or if he’d thought the tattoos would end somewhere beneath his clothes.

\---

“Better.” He touched his chest and took in a slow breath to feel the warmth and give of his skin. He slid the hand around him, feeling each line of lyrium as it passed beneath his palm, trying to urge him back into place. Where he’d been before he moved to undress. His eyes continued to travel all over him, the glow showing in them as Fenris quite literally lit the room while he was so bare.

\---

It wasn’t the answer he expected and he felt himself smile slightly. He followed the prompting and settled onto Anders again, this time settling much more easily without hard armor between them. He was tense again, feeling vulnerable, but trusting him and the hand on his skin.

\---

When he was close enough, both of his hands began to run all over his body, as if he couldn’t get enough of him. There was something hungry to the touch, but also something reverent. His eyes rose to his face and he shook his head, in disbelief, “You are the most stunning man I’ve ever seen.”

\---

The words made his cheeks flush and he had to look away sheepishly. “I think that’s your lyrium hunger talking.” It was a jest, but he meant it to some degree. If the tattoos were not a source of something so wonderful for Anders, perhaps he would not be so thrilled to see how extensive they were.

\---

“That’s my Fenris hunger talking,” he replied, giving him a little grin, but the disbelief was still in his eyes. He was so painfully stunning and could not get enough of him, his fingers finding every bit of skin within reach. His back, his sides, his chest, his arms, his neck, even up into his hair. “I thought you were stunning the first time I laid eyes on you.”

\---

“You did?” The hands wandering him first made him shiver, then had him shaking. But he seemed to be breathe a little easier and be more comfortable when Anders touched him in places that his armor didn’t normally hide. “Does the lyrium feel better with my clothes off?”

\---

“Until you opened your mouth,” he smirked, leaning up to press a kiss to his collar. There was a line near it and his lips parted slightly as he brushed them over it. It was difficult to hold himself up in such a way, so before he could get carried away, his head fell back into the pillow. “It feels so much better.” So much. His fingers dug just a little as he ran them down his back and found a spot where they were concentrated at the small of it. “I want to lick your entire body,” he admitted, his cock growing harder as he explored him and gave in to his lust.

\---

He smirked at that, unsurprised that Anders found him considerably less attractive once he spoke up for the first time. He jolted slightly when the fingers dug into a spot on his back that made his blood run cold. He found himself shifting, guiding the hand to another spot on his hip instead. In shifting, he could feel how hard the cock beneath him was getting and his face grew even warmer. “If you wanted to lick everywhere I am marked, it would likely take you an entire night.”

\---

His head cocked and he looked at him questioningly, the hand that had been moved to his hip giving it an apologetic rub for having done something wrong. “Are you opposed to me spending the entire night licking you?” Maker, how he craved him and he wanted to do just that.

\---

“It’s alright. Just please be very gentle if you touch me there.” He said softly when he saw the look from Anders and leaned to kiss his cheek by way of his own apology. “I’m not opposed to anything you’d like to do.” But it seemed he had a need that would have to be tended to, though he imagined Anders meant to explore more of him before he got off. He slid a hand down between him, grasping his cock through his robes and squeezing. He could please him and give him even more incentive to stay close.

\---

He nodded in understanding and decided to refrain from touching that area for now - there was no need when there were so many other places to touch him. “I’m glad to hear it,” he grinned, though his expression faded when the hand found him. He made a sound, his eyes drifting shut for a brief moment. He shouldn’t have gone to the Blooming Rose, he should’ve waited, but he never would have believed that he would have him like this. When they reopened, his gaze fixed on him and his yearning was plainly written on his face.

\---

The elf knew the look on his face and he gave him a slight smile. Perhaps it was something that couldn’t wait until he’d had his fill of tasting his skin. He began to rub him, teasing him steadily through the fabric. “I feel that you need a proper licking before you go trying to lick my entire body.” He wasn’t sure how easy it would be to go through with pleasing him if even the innocent touch to his back had rattled him, but he thought it would be easier if it was his idea and he felt he was in control.

\---

The words made him shudder or maybe it was the touch. It was probably both. “I think I do too.” His hands rose to his cheeks and he pulled him down into a deep kiss that showed just how desperately he wanted him. The kiss was ravenous, his tongue seeking entrance in his mouth so that he could lay claim to it and explore it as thoroughly as he wanted to the rest of him.

\---

When the tongue brushed his lips, his heart began to pound heavily. But he wanted to give in to whatever the mage wanted, so he let his lips part to grant him entrance. He was suddenly as clumsy and unsure as he had been in their first kiss in the meadow, but he found himself eager to try to reciprocate. Especially since he imagined his inexperience was somewhat made up for by the lyrium flowing into the kiss.

\---

He noticed the clumsiness, but he didn’t mind it. It was unexpected, but he was so giddy to have this at all that the kiss felt as perfect as it had the previous day. His hands slid down from his cheeks to return to exploring him, though it hadn’t taken him long to map him out with his feverish touches, but there was a place that he hadn’t gone yet. His fingers made their way down his middle to find him, so he could cup and rub him in return.

\---

When the fingers found him, he gasped into the kiss, his body giving a hard shudder. This was Anders. He knew that. And it wasn’t as if he’d been touched like this frequently. If anything, he’d just been squeezed painfully if he was underperforming. His own hand began to tug Anders’ robes up, wanting to rub him directly and hopefully redirect both of their attentions toward that.

\---

He felt what he was doing and draw  his hand back to help pull them up enough to expose his strained smallclothes. Then it went right back to him, rubbing him and feeling the lyrium pouring into his palm as he did so. He’d seen that the marks went all the way down and thought of sucking him there like he did his fingers was making his cock throb hard.

\---

He’d gotten the idea from touching him through his robes, but seeing the way his smallclothes strained with his arousal he knew for sure that he would have a lot to work with once he freed him. He did just that, pulling the last of the fabric out of his way so he could pump him directly. Unlike the inexperience in his kisses, his hand knew just what to do. He was hardening as Anders rubbed him, but he was also shaking hard, wanting to relax but struggling.

\---

“You’re shaking,” he told him, after he’d managed to quiet himself following a few low moans that came with being properly touched. The feel of his lyrium going in that particular part of his anatomy was making it difficult to focus, but his shaking was hard enough that it was impossible not to notice. His fingers wrapped around him and he began to stroke him, wanting to help harden him and to please him in return. “I want you in my mouth,” he whispered, his free hand shifting to pull him down even further so he could give his neck a lick and a kiss.

\---

“I know. I’m sorry.” He drew in a slow breath, trying to settle his nerves. The moans and the stroking helped to harden him further, though he was distracted from the pleasure it brought him by everything else running through his mind. He moved the fingers of his free hand to brush lightly over Anders’ lips, tempting him to take them back inside. “Then have me in your mouth while I take care of you.”

\---

That wasn’t he’d meant, but he didn’t hesitate to take them in. He sucked hard, moaning as his fantasy came to fruition. He’d wanted to suck on his fingers while Fenris stroked him and it was _so_ much better than his attempts to play it out for himself. He couldn’t get enough of him and the sensations were making his hips twitch and jerk into his hand.

\---

Fenris smirked, pleased to see the way his body was reacting to both the lyrium and his touches. He shifted to sit on the mattress beside him, so he could still reach to have the fingers in his mouth as he bent down to run his tongue over the length of his cock. He kept his eyes on him, needing a constant reminder of who he was doing this for, as he took the tip of him into his mouth and sucked hard.

\---

A hand shot up to grip his wrist when the mouth descended on him and even though he’d gotten his fill of release not all that long ago, it had been a long time since he’d had a consistent source of it that he still felt incredibly sensitive and needy. His free hand fell to fist the blanket beneath them and he sucked desperately at his fingers, as if showing him what he needed.

\---

He made a soft sound of protest under his breath when the grip on him caused a little flair of pain in his wrist, but it didn't interrupt what he was doing. He began to bob his head, taking him in a little deeper with each pass and working him meticulously with his tongue. Though he knew the pleasure of the lyrium would likely drown out the finer details of his work, he still wanted to please him thoroughly especially since this was their first official night together.

\---

It was everything he’d fantasized and more. So much more. He could not stop sucking, his mouth working mindlessly between his muffled sounds that would have been embarrassing had he not been so overwhelmed. He hand tightened on his wrist, squeezing it hard when a particularly pleasant stroke of his tongue made his cock jolt in his mouth.

\---

The squeeze hurt, but he was used to working through pain. He was tense, but he never slowed, watching the mage greedily suck the lyrium from his fingers. He took him deep, out of practice but finding he could still work him to the back of his throat, sucking him hard each time he drew back to work the head of him again.

\---

He used his grip on him to thrust the fingers in and out of his mouth, following the pace that Fenris set and mimicking what was being done to him. Only when he was close did he pull the fingers out, breathing his name as he shoved the hand, saliva and all, against his face, groaning into his palm and finding a spot at the base of his thumb to bite. His panting breaths heated the skin in his mouth and he began crying out just as it hit him, hips snapping as he spilled.

\---

He winced when he was bitten, but with his mouth full it only showed in his eyes. When he spilled, he felt a moment of triumph, pleased he hadn't lost his skill. He swallowed every drop of it and slowly licked him clean.

\---

He loosened his hold on him, but didn’t let go. He was panting and flushed, still recovering, when he tried to pull him up. “Come here,” he breathed, wanting him more than he could put into words.

\---

Fenris did as he was asked, settling to lay tucked against Anders’ side. He was still somewhat hard, pressing into his hip, but didn't seem to notice. He pressed soft kisses to his jaw as he caught his breath, relieved that the grip on him had softened. His glow hadn't faded, still pouring soft energy into him everywhere they touched.

\---

He turned his head to find his lips, returning soft kisses. “Thank you,” he murmured against them, his hand lifting to cup his cheek as he showered him in tender affection. The hand trailed down to his shoulder and he eased him to his back, rising up to come over him instead. His robes fell to cover him once more, so he was decent and the elf was the only one bare.

\---

The innocent affections made him look wonderfully content, but when he settled over him, the tension was back in his body. Still, he ran a hand slowly through Anders’ hair, meaning to relax both of them. “You must be exhausted. I will watch over things if you're ready to sleep, yi Baru.”

\---

The name made him smile, always warmed when he used it like this. “Sleep? I thought the plan was to lick your entire body all night.” His hand drifted down to find him and squeeze lightly, his eyes following the path he took, before flicking up to meet his gaze. “I told you, I want you in my mouth. All of you.” But especially what he was wrapping his fingers around and beginning to stroke.

\---

Once he took him in hand, he shuddered which once again lead to his body shaking gently. “If that is your wish.” He whispered, trusting that those fingers would not grip him to hurt him.

\---

It was and so after a kiss to his lips, his mouth began his journey down. He trailed kisses along his chin, following the line down to his neck and there he began to explore the skin, his lips matching the leisurely pace he was touching him with. Whenever his tongue came out to play, it was always along the glowing paths, but he didn’t restrict himself to there, his mouth traveling along the side of his neck to press kisses just beneath his ear and give a playful nip to the lobe of it.

\---

Fenris flinched when he was nipped, as if he'd expected him to take a big bite out of him. His breathing had picked up, but despite his anxiety, the tongue did feel nice in the grooves carved into his skin. The hand was getting to him as well, growing harder despite the trembling that ran through his body.

\---

The flinch made him pause, but then he remembered that elven ears were far more sensitive and, like before, he pressed an apologetic kiss to his neck. His mouth found the spot where they all converged and he latched onto it, sucking hard at the lyrium and making a sound of satisfaction. His eyes drifted shut and he sucked as if to mark him.

\---

He'd been braced for teeth to sink into his skin, but he was relieved when Anders simply sucked on the spot. He breathed a soft little sigh and ran his fingers through his hair again. This was okay, this was nothing like the way the other mage had touched him.

\---

After taking his fill of the lyrium at his neck, he began to descend further, his tongue tracing every line intently. He trailed kisses along a collarbone and off toward his arm, his free hand brushing over the firm muscles as he pulled it in to lavish it with attention. Across every mark he worked, his fingers tracing those he couldn’t quite reach on the underside to make sure he explored all of him carefully. All the while, he continued his slow stroking, every pump of his hand deliberate, drawing it out.

\---

The more he worked every detailed line of his arm, the more the elf was able to relax. His muscles eased and his trembling subsided, watching the mage through his lashes. He even breathed a soft groan as he relaxed enough to notice how good the hand stroking him felt.

\---

When he got to his hand, he paused there to suck every finger dry, his tongue hungrily lapping as each took their turn in his mouth. Finished with that arm, he straightened, leaned in to kiss his lips, before starting the same process over again with his other arm.

\---

He was so much calmer by the time he was working on the other arm that he closed his eyes, able to enjoy the sensations. He wasn't sure it would last, but he would enjoy it while it did. “Thank you…”

\---

He dusted kisses over his knuckles as a finishing touch to that arm, thankful for the complete access he had to his body. A body that he could only assume that few had been allowed to touch. He pulled away from his hand to look at him, setting it down and moving back to the center of him. “What for?” he asked, his eyes fixed up as he began to pay his chest keen attention, stopping by each of his nipples to pay his respects with hard sucks.

\---

The attention to his nipples brought back some of his nerves, tensing and holding his breath as he waited for him to do something that would hurt. But it didn't happen so he slowly released his breath. “For going slow. It's not like he used to do it. It doesn't hurt.”

\---

He froze, his eyes fixed on him as he slowly sat up, completely forgetting about exploring him as all of his reactions took new meaning. He didn’t even know where to begin and his eyes fell, staring down on the chest he’d not finished tasting. After a pause, they rose once more. “Am I-...” His voice got off to a shaky start, so he paused to try again. “Am I doing things you don’t want me to?”

\---

He tensed even more when he sat up, not wanting to chase him away after so much progress. “No.” He said quickly, seeking his hand. “I want you to, it feels good. It has...never felt good before.”

\---

He looked down at their hands and then wove their fingers together. “...Okay.” He nodded, accepting that, but feeling a wariness he hadn’t before. He hadn’t realized what he was dealing with or he would have gone about this a lot differently. Starting by not drawing him into bed like this the first chance he got. “Will you tell me if I do something you don’t want me to?”

\---

“If you want. I can handle anything you'd like to do. I just...wanted to thank you because I didn't expect it to feel nice.” He squeezed his hand lightly, offering him a little smile.

\---

What enthusiasm he had left drained away as he realized that this hadn’t been a mutual exchange. Fenris wasn’t doing this because he really wanted to, he was putting up with it because it was what _he_ wanted. “I’m sorry,” he let go of him and pulled away, putting space between them. “I thought you wanted me, I didn’t know…” His voice was strained and his expression was a mixture of confusion and upset.

\---

“Anders…” He sat up after he pulled away, closing the space between them and embracing him. “I do. I just-...this is new for me. I don't know how to want it. But I didn't think it would feel good and you've hardly gotten started. I want you to show me how good it can be…”

\---

He tensed when he was embraced, the feel of the lyrium giving him a rush of delight that made him feel sick to his stomach. “Why didn’t you tell me? You just let me… _throw_ myself on you.” He sounded angry, but it was clear from his emphasis that it was aimed at himself. He’d gone through with all of this expecting it to be unpleasant and painful, for him to treat him like his master use to… Did he think of him like Danarius?

\---

“Because this is different. I don't want the things he did to me to ruin this experience. He's ruined enough, he can't have this too.” He murmured and kissed his cheek. “You're the only person I've ever _wanted_ to touch me. That's why I let you. I just have to get past the old fears. I can do it. I _want_ to.”

\---

That didn’t explain why he hadn’t told him. “You should have told me. I would have done all of this differently.” He frowned down at his lap, shaking his head to himself. “You were expecting me to hurt you and do things you didn’t want and you were just going to let it happen. Don’t lie to me and tell me you wanted me.” His shoulders lifted, shrugging out of his grasp and pulling away from him so he could rise to his feet.

\---

“I didn't know it would upset you, or I would have told you.” He frowned deeply when he rose from the bed, the glow finally dying in his skin. “Please don't go. I'm sorry. Let's just lay down and we'll talk about it. Please?”

\---

He wasn’t sure that he could stomach this conversation right now, but he didn’t really want this to ruin what had been a wonderful night until now. Even if it was too late, they could try to stop it from getting any worse. He moved back to the bed, sitting down on it, but keeping some space between them and waiting to see what he would do and if he would lay.

\---

He looked relieved when he sat back down, even if he wasn’t especially close to him. “I’m sorry.” He said again and reached for his hand. “I didn’t want what happened to impact us. I didn’t tell you because I thought I could just work past it quickly enough that it wouldn’t make a difference. I didn’t know if it would just upset you to tell you.”

\---

He took the hand when it found his, but initially kept the hold loose. He was anxious about touching him, but upon reminding himself that he probably wouldn’t be initiating the contact if he didn’t want it, he tightened it. “It’s alright, now we know better,” he replied quietly, not wanting him to feel too bad, especially since it was obvious this wasn’t easy for him. “We’ll go slower and only do what you want to.”

\---

“Thank you.” He leaned in a little, resting his forehead on Anders’ shoulder. “I’ll be fine if we go slow. I would have been fine even tonight because of the time you were taking to touch me, slowly and gently. I liked the way you were touching me. Especially here.” He used the joined hands to guide the mage’s fingers to brush over his neck first, then down one particularly thick groove of tattooed flesh down his arm.

\---

He watched where he was leading his hand and a weak smile pulled at his lips, his finger brushing over the line as it was brought over it. “Then that is where I’ll touch you.” He didn’t want to push for anything more, so he wouldn’t. He would wait until Fenris made it clear he and his touch was wanted.

\---

“I would never ask you to be so patient with me. But I know you well enough now that I should have known you would want to be so patient with me.” His voice was low, but wavered a little to betray the emotion threatening to overwhelm him. This was supposed to be a perfect night for Anders and it had strayed so far from what he’d imagined.

\---

The smile faded back into a frown, shaking his head. “I don’t want you to be doing or allowing things for my sake. It makes me ill to know you would put yourself in such a situation and I wouldn’t even know…” He couldn’t look at him, truly feeling as ill as he claimed to. It really did seem like he was, in some way, regarding him the way he did his master and it made him wonder.

\---

“I just wanted tonight to be perfect. I didn’t want my old scars to spoil anything.” He wanted a drink. But what he wanted even more was for Anders to put his arms around him and lay back down with him. “I’m sorry.”

\---

It had been perfect, but only for him. That was what was so upsetting about it. “Just don’t do it again, okay?” He’d expressed his desire to lay, so he nodded to the pillows. “Want to lay down?” He reached over with a free hand to tug the blanket down on Fenris’ side of the bed.

\---

“Okay.” He eased himself to lie down, keeping his hold on Anders so he could tug him down with him. He was a little chilled and he pulled the blanket over himself once he was settled. He should have kept quiet, but he knew his anxiety would have betrayed him at some point anyway. “I hate him so much.” He murmured under his breath, as if the healer wouldn’t be well aware of that.

\---

He followed the tug and laid down beside him, his eyes fixed on him as he settled onto his side with his arm curled beneath his head. Between them, he held his hand and rubbed his thumb against it. “It’s no wonder, all that he did to you.” He knew bits and pieces of it from the nights Fenris spent talking to Baru, but the picture those fragments painted were pretty clear. “Just as it’s no wonder that you hate mages.” This was said with some significance and he seemed to be studying him.

\---

“I feel like I’m beyond his reach sometimes. And then on nights like tonight, he manages to hurt me once more.” He slid in closer, tucking himself against the front of Anders. His eyes were glassy and wet, but he didn’t let any tears fall. “I can get past what he did. I know I can.”

\---

“That is only true if you let him,” he murmured, pulling his hand up and tucking it in against his chest. “What did he do tonight? Nothing. We’re still together, aren’t we? We had a romantic dinner, we had a little fun, and we’re lying together, ready to sleep. It’s just me and you here, no one else.” He had never seen him so close to tears and he felt bad about being the cause. Whatever he to say about Danarius, he should’ve questioned his discomfort sooner and avoided this. “Don’t stress yourself, okay? I’ve been impatient, but we can take our time.”

\---

The assurance that they were alright made his lips quirk up slightly, but also made a stray tear roll down his cheek. “We shouldn’t have to take our time. But I’m glad you’re willing to. I want you to stay with me.” He didn’t want him distancing himself again. Not when they were both happy now that he was so close.

\---

He continued to study him, his expression softening at the sight of the tear. “Why wouldn’t I?” Fenris knew that he had feelings for him. They had feelings for each other - why else would they be together? “You’re mine and I’m yours.” A blip like this was not nearly enough to dissuade him from him.

\---

The possessiveness of the words might have bothered him if Anders had not made it mutual. Anders was his. He closed his eyes, another few tears escaping them. “I’m grateful. That you want to be with me enough to be patient while I learn what it’s like to be touched by someone who doesn’t want to hurt me.”

\---

He was kind of hurt by all of this, but he knew he couldn’t let it get to him. It wasn’t Fenris’ fault that he had bad experiences with intimacy, he just couldn’t help but question the parallels he didn’t want to see, but did. “It’s alright, just rest now.” He lifted his free hand and used his thumb to gently wipe away the tears that had fallen.

\---

He wept very softly, hating that this night had been spoiled by his old wounds. He finally had a real friend, someone he could be so close with, and he wouldn’t let Danarius take it from him. These feelings would shift to anger eventually, he had no doubt, and he’d probably need to go on the mission tomorrow if only for an excuse to get into a fight. But right now, it just hurt. “You are mine and I am yours.” He tested the words in a whisper.

\---

“And I am yours,” he repeated in confirmation. He leaned in, pressed a kiss to his forehead, and then settled with their faces close. He continued to rub his thumb against the hand that he had tucked into his chest, trying to offer him these simple comforts in hope that they would help him to relax.

\---

The gentle touches and lying so close he could feel Anders’ breath on his skin did a lot to ease his ache. With time, his tears stopped and he was resting serenely. “We should sleep. We have a mission tomorrow.” He wouldn’t be able to sleep, but he would rest at least.

\---

“Then sleep,” he murmured, giving his hand a soft squeeze. There was a lot on his mind and he would spent some time sorting through his thoughts before getting to sleep, but it was clear the warrior needed his rest and so he would continue to encourage it.

\---

“I don’t think I can tonight, I slept a few nights ago. But I will rest. I like to watch you sleep though, yi Baru.” It was always soothing to watch him deep in slumber, whether he was a man or a cat.

\---

He frowned, but wouldn't push. With a slight nod, he let his own eyes drift close, but true to his prediction, it a good half an hour before he was able to ease into a proper sleep, his hand loosening on Fenris’.

\---

When he felt Anders fall into sleep, he began to rest a little easier. He drifted in and out of a doze, trying to think about how much better things would get with them. Anders wasn’t going anywhere and they would only get closer, despite what happened tonight.


	17. Chapter 17

The next day proved to be rather eventful. When he went to Lowtown to meet the gang, he was distinctly aware of Fenris’ missing presence. He’d arrived early enough that it was possible that Fenris just hadn’t shown up yet, but the fact that Aveline was there suggested that he’d not been invited along. When Hawke with Isabela arrived a few minutes later, Anders sidled over to him and asked if they were waiting for anyone else. They didn’t often go as a big group, but maybe he’d decided this particular task would be safer with a couple of warriors.

When Hawke responded that Merrill was tagging along and should be there any minute, he shifted his weight on his feet a few times, wondering if he should say anything. If Hawke meant to drag Fenris along, he’d have stopped by his mansion on the way here.

“What about Fenris?” he asked casually, just as the blood mage arrived and greeted them.

Hawke raised a brow at him. “What about him? I wouldn’t think you’d want him to come what with the way you were avoiding him at all cost before.”

“ _Before_ ,” he emphasized, since that had changed and they knew it. “We got over it.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I just wonder if this wouldn’t be safer with a couple of warriors. Considering what Aveline found out, these guys seem pretty dangerous, right? Better safe than sorry is all I’m saying.”

The other brow rose to join the first, before they furrowed together. “...That’s why we’re bringing you.”

Anders had been spared having to further advocate for the warrior by Isabela loudly proclaiming that it was a good idea. Hawke seemed uncertain for a moment longer, before shrugging and telling them that they’d better get going if they were going to stay on schedule. The healer ignored the wink that the pirate gave him as they started off to Hightown to fetch the elf, resulting in a group that was a couple of heads larger than they normally ended up being.

Actually dealing with the men that had released the poison barrels had taken much of the day, as it turned out there were multiple locations that the poison was being kept and by the end, they had learned that there had been far bigger plans for it. Releasing it in Darktown had only been a test run for their goal of ransoming the city. They’d intended on releasing it in Hightown, in the Keep, and even in the Chantry and they’d had even had barrels in place, ready to go. In the end, they’d discovered over fifty barrels scattered throughout the city.

That didn’t even count what they still had in their hideout outside the city. After reporting to the Viscount what had happened, they’d been instructed to go to said hideout and finish off any men that might have retreated there. Sure enough, there had been several and after dispatching of them, they were all worse for wear after such a long day.

“I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if they’d actually released all that poison,” Anders commented as he tended to a wound on Isabela’s thigh. “Most poisons aren’t so difficult to cure, but this stuff… I kept having to work at it. It just kept coming back. It took me _hours_ and that was just the people in one section in Darktown.” The reality was that a lot of people would have died and there was nothing any of them could have done to stop it at that point. It was a good thing they’d discovered the plan before it had been enacted.

\---

“We probably wouldn’t be here to talk about it if they released it, but we got it handled.” Isabela said with a smirk, watching him work on her leg. But for once she was on her best behavior, not flirting or touching him while he healed her. She had heard his rejection of her offer loud and clear and instead she’d been observing him. As usual, Fenris had wandered a short distance away to inspect his wounds on his own and her eyes roamed to the warrior briefly, as she’d noticed the healer’s gaze had many times throughout the day. “He’s sexy, I don’t blame you. All that tight, spiky armor? It’s no wonder you can’t keep your eyes off him.” She murmured low enough for only the two of them to hear while the others were busy talking about what they would do once everyone was home and settled.

\---

His eyes flicked up to meet hers, his expression bemused. “Projecting, are you? Perhaps you ought to tell him that yourself. You could ask him to be your third instead.” He had no problem suggesting this since he knew there was no chance that Fenris would agree. He was quick to drop his gaze back to what he was doing though, suddenly very aware of where his eyes were pointing and keeping them from straying as he healed the gash.

\---

“Do you think I haven’t tried? Before I was with Hawke I tried to drag him to bed. He acted like he’d never been touched by a woman before. I think he prefers cock so perhaps I’ll try again, Hawke has plenty to give him. But by the way your eyes have been wandering, I thought I’d let you have the first bite. Want me to set you up? I’m an expert in talking up your bedroom skills, it worked on Hawke eventually.” She gave a soft chuckle. “And he’s been stealing looks at you too, by the way.”

\---

Rather than respond to her offer or any of her comments regarding Fenris, his looked up at her with a playfully wounded expression. “And here I was thinking what we had was special.” It quickly shifted to mischievous as his hand slid up her inner thigh and his fingers sparked, giving her a taste of what she’d long lamented missing. “I think we both know there’s no need to talk up my bedroom skills. They speak for themselves.” He drew his hand back, figuring that was all that was needed to get her mind off of whatever plan she was forming. It was cheating, really, but she was no stranger to that.

\---

She inhaled sharply at the spark, her eyes darker when she looked to him again. “Don’t be cruel and tease me. I’ve done nothing to deserve it.” She ran a hand over her thigh, which was now smooth and unmarred after his healing.

\---

It was hard not to feel satisfied with the reaction he’d engendered, even if that was as far as it would go. “And I’ve done nothing to deserve having my head detached from my body, so don’t go giving him the wrong idea.” He gave the warrior a pointed glance, trying to appear as uninterested as possible, before looking back to her with a shake of his head. He pushed himself to his feet and stretched his arms in front of him, letting a little more electricity spark visibly around his fingers as if it were part of the stretch, before moving past to her to Aveline with a smirk.

\---

Isabela huffed and hopped to her feet, moving back to Hawke. After that little tease, she’d need her lover to work her hard when they got home. With his wounds assessed and his armor back in place, Fenris made his way back to the rest of them. He was a little bloodied, but had nothing that looked dire. “Are we ready to get moving?” He asked, his eyes moving to Hawke.

\---

It was unsurprising that Aveline was mostly unwounded, but he healed a couple of cuts for her and that was everyone dealt with. Except Fenris, of course. When the warrior in question spoke, he was more conscious to not allow his gaze to linger, so he too looked at Hawke since the question was undoubtedly poised at him.

“Seems like it to me. We need to inform the Viscount that we’ve taken care of everyone so they can come get these barrels out of here.” He gestured to one of many stacked against the wall. “Any objections?” When there were none, he began to lead them out. Anders trailed behind, to be at the rear of the group, only risking a look at Fenris when Isabela wasn’t paying attention.

\---

They had already taken out plenty of trouble, so Fenris wasn’t particularly expecting any on the way back. Still, he was wary as always. He stayed at the front of the pack and off to one side, prepared to rush in at the first sight of danger. There wasn’t any in sight and things were quiet, but the longer he walked, the more his skin began to prickle with gooseflesh. Something was wrong. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something was. Even his lyrium was reacting a little, his unease making his marks flicker with energy now and then. He didn’t get the sense that the others felt any danger, since Isabela and Merrill were chattering quietly behind him, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that eyes were on them.

It was when a voice spoke from a hill above them that Fenris’ heart lept into his throat. “You have something that does not belong to you. Hand over that slave. Hadriana needs to return him to his rightful owner.” The man growled from above them. The elf’s lips pulled back in a snarl, his lyrium glowing brightly as he looked up at the man watching them from the hilltop. He could hear footsteps around them, knowing that more of Danarius’ men were closing in to surround them.

\---

Since no one was paying him any mind, he studied him to see how injured he was. He didn’t seem too bad off, which was good, so he was able to relax for a time. That was until he noticed the slight flickering. He could feel the pull of his lyrium, but he was far enough off that it was barely there. Still, he could see it and it made him look around, but as far as he could see nothing was wrong. He decided that he’d ask him about it after they got back and met up for the night.

...Or that was the plan until they were suddenly ambushed.

Hawke was the first to respond, his eyes fixed on the man that had spoken. “Why don’t you come down here and we’ll talk about it,” he offered, but the way his hands shifted to his daggers made it clear just what he meant by ‘talking’. He drew them just a little, not quite unsheathing them, but ready to have them out in the blink of an eye.

Anders’ eyes flicked around as they were surrounded and he drew his staff, silently calculating the best to place a glyph to have the greatest effect.

\---

When it was clear the rogue was not about to hand the slave over simply, the man in charge signaled the attack. The warrior charged to meet them, a blur of blue light as he went headfirst into the fight. Isabela shouted for him to get to the back of the group, with an echo of agreement from Merrill, but Fenris didn’t seem to hear them. He was fighting with a viciousness that made a normal battle for him look mild. He was fighting like an animal that had been backed into a corner. He would kill every last one of them or die trying before he’d let them take him home to his master.

\---

He knew what he was going to do and good thing. He threw a repulsion glyph below Fenris’ feet. The mark lit up the ground around him and made it so that anyone that got too close was thrown away from him. Then everything descended into utter chaos, but it always seemed that it was how they worked best. His skin split with light as he drew on Justice’ power, which always made him a bit of a target, especially since he was a mage, and Hawke quickly faded into the confusion to dispatch of archers that were trying to pick at both off the glowing men.

Aveline didn’t hesitate to rush after Fenris, knowing he was like to do something rash. He already had, running in like that, so she joined him take the brunt of the assault, her shield deflecting blows loudly, trying to draw as much attention as she could so that they wouldn’t all pile on the other warrior.

\---

Fenris was too fast for them, especially with the glyph keeping them back and the blows that actually connected with him glanced off of his armor. There were many men in the ambush and they were fortunate to have a couple extra companions with them. But they were far more experienced in battle than the slavers and it didn’t take long for them to cut them all down. “I am _not_ a slave!” He shouted in the face of the last attacker standing as he tore his heart from his chest. By the end of it, he’d taken only a few more hits and his skin was singed from a burn, but all in all he got out of the ambush unscathed. He snarled as he panted for air, glancing around despite the fact that all of the men were in pieces on the ground. He wanted to know if she was somewhere watching this.

Isabela looked around with him, assuming that he’d heard more coming, and sighed when there were no more. She used a forearm to wipe sweat from her brow. “No more, right? I think we’ve had our share for the day.”

\---

He was already pretty drained and so he refrained from offense, only offering assistance to his companions as needed. There were more than a few nasty burns thanks to a mage that Isabela subsequently took out and he threw an aura into the air that lingered even after the battle ended. When all was said and done, his eyes went to the rabid warrior and the spirit’s power faded as he began to approach him, but oddly enough, Aveline stepped in his way, putting herself between them.

“Are you injured?” she asked, looking over him, but her eyes quickly went back to the mage as if to see what he would do.

It took him aback and his eyes flicked between them, having to look past her to see him. “Well, if he is, that’s my job, so I’ll just-...” He moved to step around her, but she held out an arm and physically pushed him back, which made him flush in anger. “What’s your problem?!”

“He doesn’t like being healed so it’s not your job, why don’t you go tend to someone else?” She had turned a little, so she wasn’t facing either of them, but between them.

Hawke, who had been watching the exchange with confusion, decided to try and defuse it a little. “I do actually have an arrow…” He trailed off, his finger circling the air where an arrow had slipped past a weakness in his armor and punctured his shoulder. Anders’ gaze switched to him and seeing the shaft of the arrow sticking out of their leader, he gave the pair of them a final look of concern and frustration respectively, before going over to him to take care of it.

\---

Merrill had taken a deep cut to her side and Isabela moved to her, putting an arm around her to guide her to Anders. “Come along, Kitten. Let’s get you patched up.” The pirate’s tone was distant, uneasy from the exchange and growing tension in the air. She was just relieved that the warrior was too busy hunting around for any survivors to escalate the squabbling, having dismissed Aveline’s question with a snarled ‘I’m fine’.

When they reached Anders, the blood mage looked up to him, her large eyes wide and nervous. “Anders, you asked us to get Fenris for this mission. You didn’t...plan this, did you?” She asked and Isabela rolled her eyes. Of course the elf would just come out and ask this in her soft, naive little tone. “Of course he didn’t.” The pirate answered insistently, though she wished she was more certain of it herself.

“It was _her_ , not him!” Fenris snapped from nearby, the ferocity in his tone startling Merrill. “It was Hadriana. I’m going to find her. I’ll kill her before dawn.” He growled, though after the day they’d had, he knew none of them were in any condition for another fight.

\---

He’d only gotten the arrow out when the pair approached him and the question made him still. He looked over at the elf, unable to believe what he was hearing, but suddenly understanding what Aveline’s behavior had been about. His blinked and pulled back, his eyes returning to Hawke to see that the rogue was studying him with a frown in a way that he hadn’t before. He took another step back, realizing that they actually thought him capable of such a thing. The only person that didn’t seem to think so was Isabela and even as Fenris defended him, the sting was sharp, but quickly overwhelmed by a crashing wave of indignation.

“That is what you think of me?” he demanded, his voice doubling as the cracks renewed, his eyes lose their color in the glow. “That I would seek to condemn someone to a life of slavery?” His voice became single once more, but it was completely changed, the sound echoing in the air around them. “Someone that has done everything he in his power to help us?” Justice spoke of the occupants of their shared body, but he could just as easily have meant all of them as a group.

Hawke, having perceived a threat as soon as he began to change, had drawn a dagger, thinking that this unexpected betrayal was reaching its apex, but his grip on it loosened when what he had to say settled over them. Still, it wasn’t often the spirit reared his head like this and when Justice’s eyes fixed on what he had on his hand, he could see his glow brightening as he perceived a threat in return and his expression twisted in fury. At that, Hawke just let the dagger drop, not even bothering with trying to slip it away at the risk of making him snap.

“Can we just calm down? Everyone?!” he spoke loudly, hands lifting placating. “Justice, we know you didn’t plan anything, okay?” He said this firmly, his eyes moving between the rest of them as if warn them from saying otherwise. “Fenris, we’ll help you find her, but right now we don’t know where she is and we’re all exhausted.” A bit of blood from his wound dripped down to the ground, as if to help prove his point. “We’ll search them and see if we can’t find something to point us in her direction, but we all need to rest.”

Justice sneered, energy crackling at his fingers, despite the fact that their body was drained. “This is not the time to be idle. If you will not assist him, then _we_ will.”

Aveline’s eyes narrowed and she was still positioned between them even now, though at a distance from both. It seemed to her that would be ideal for the spirit, wouldn’t it? If Fenris was incensed enough to actually go off with him alone. “Hawke is right. It will be getting dark before long and we’ve had a long day. We can pick this up tomorrow.” Without the healer, preferably.

\---

“I’m going _now_. Justice and I can go on our own.” Fenris growled, but his steps as he searched the men on the ground were becoming staggered and uneven. He was bleeding from the last few fights and exhausted. Part of him knew he wasn’t going to be able to do this now as he wanted.

“Stop this. She only said that because you two hated each other not that long ago. We know you wouldn’t set Fenris up like that.” Isabela tried to make her tone soothing. “Now, please heal Merrill, she’s bleeding all over me. Then if you really want to help Fenris, you’ll help us get him home safely and not let him rush off into another fight while he’s so tired he’d about to drop.”

\---

“Fenris,” Hawke sounded impatient at this point and with some uneasiness, skirted the enraged spirit to made his way over to him. “We’re going to help you. You’ll get your revenge, I swear, but it has to be tomorrow. _Tomorrow_. First thing, we’ll do whatever we have to, okay?” He’d set a hand on his shoulder, trying to still him from his search and pull his gaze to him.

The spirit’s eyes went to Merrill’s wound and he frowned, his expression hard to read when they weren’t visible behind the glow. “It would be better if Anders tended to her.” He didn’t intend on giving up control, though, so he reached for the wound. He always found this type of magic difficult, nigh impossible, but he tried to summon it all the same. Nothing happened and he shook his head, reaching instead for a potion within his robes. “This will help for I cannot.” He offered it to her. “The only one I can help tonight is Fenris.”

\---

Though Merrill took the potion, Isabela frowned. “Then let Anders come back. We have people wounded here. The only way you can help Fenris is to get him home safely. He needs to be bandaged up and to get some sleep before we help him figure out where Hadriana is.”

Fenris tensed and if it had been most anyone else that put a hand on his shoulder, he would have shoved them away. “...Tomorrow.” Only because he hadn’t found a lead on where she was. If he knew, he would go tonight with or without any help.

\---

He gave a firm nod of confirmation, before letting go of him. “If there is nothing to find, let’s get going…” He turned back to the possessed mage, not sure what to think. The fact that Fenris hadn’t jumped on the ‘blame Anders’ bandwagon was odd considering all of their thoughts had gone there. He didn’t doubt even Isabela’s had, though he would wait until later to ask her. If Fenris didn’t think Anders had anything to do with it, then it was probably so and he felt guilty for entertaining the thought. He regarded him highly and he’d never known him to be a callous or underhanded, except perhaps where templars were concerned.

Justice shook his head. “It is dangerous. If the blood mage needs more than the potion, she can do it herself.” He spoke as if Merrill wasn’t standing right in front of him, then turned to face the rest of them. He saw the blood running down Hawke’s arm and went on. “Hawke too.” He did not condone blood magic, of course, and he wasn’t suggesting she use it on him, but he knew from Anders’ examination that the wound was not deadly and that with proper care from him, he would not die. “We must get moving if we’re going to find her before it gets too late,” he told the warrior, not realizing he’d given in to Hawke’s insistence.

\---

That perked Fenris right back up for action and he nodded, turning away from the others. “Let’s go then. The others can go back.” They would find her. If it took all night, they would find her. He wasn’t steady on his feet, but he was off, ready to hunt her.

Isabela scowled at Justice and shook her head. “You’re going to get him killed. Anders would want to keep all of us safe. He would heal them both and help us get home. You know this is the wrong thing to do.” But she didn’t linger, since Merrill had swallowed down the potion, she quit supporting her weight after testing that she could stand on her own and moved to catch up to Fenris to turn him around.

\---

“Fenris, stop this!” Hawke demanded, following after him and trying to take his arm this time to pull him back around. “You don’t know where you’re going. Will you _give it a rest_?!” It was Justice’s fault for working him right back up, but he’d already agreed to cool it for the night.

It wasn’t the wrong thing. This was dangerous, but they didn’t care to see it. He started after Fenris, but as before, Aveline stepped into his way. He scowled at her, but when he looked past her and saw the rogues chasing after him, he was sure that he would be convinced to wait. It was his voice against all of them and some part of him knew that the pirate wasn’t wrong; at least in so much that the warrior was not in a good condition to fight.

Without a word, he started away from all of them. He would not wait to see what the outcome of this was. There was five of them - they would be okay without him.

\---

“She will find me if I don’t find her first!” Fenris snarled and pulled his arm away from Hawke’s grasp. He let the rogues fuss at him a little longer before turning back to see if Justice was following. He was going the other way. That wasn’t about to deter him though and he fully intended to keep going until Isabela drew a blade and bashed him in the temple with the hilt of it. The first strike wasn’t enough to take him down, but he was too disoriented in his swing at her to connect and she got the opportunity to hit him again which made him collapse in an ungraceful heap. “That’ll cool him off.” Isabela said wearily as she tucked her weapon away and started to hoist the warrior over her shoulder with a huff of effort.

With Hawke’s help, she was able to get him back to his mansion. They undressed him to the waist, which she quite enjoyed, and patched him up roughly with what little bandaging they could find. He looked rough, but he wouldn’t stain his new sheets with much blood at least. They left him to rest there, needing to make their rounds to make sure everyone else got safely to their homes and make a plan to find the magister bitch the next day. After that, she would finally be able to bandage up her man and settle in for the night, for once too tired for any fun once they got to bed.


	18. Chapter 18

It was only a handful of hours later that Justice was making his way through Hightown, a body dragging behind him. He looked a lot worse for wear and he stood out like an eyesore, casting the dark streets and buildings around him in light. He knew his way around the alleys and he was able to avoid the patrols, but he’d definitely been spotted by some bandits - it seemed they thought better than to mess with him though, his eerie glow plainly displaying the body he was dragging along.

With a grunt of relief, he shut the mansion door behind him as soon as he got the mage inside, making his way back to the room he was very familiar with, but had never been in as himself. The fire was out, but he provided enough light that he could see the warrior in bed. It seemed to strange to him that he would be sleeping, considering what he knew of him and how he was, but he turned his attention back to what he was doing. He dragged the mage to the middle of the room and pulled her up to her knees and only then she did react, making muffled sounds as she struggled against binds that kept her wrists and ankles together.

\---

Fenris opened his eyes at the sounds in the room, but they didn’t focus immediately. “Baru?” He asked groggily, groaning as he held the bandaged spot on his head where Isabela had hit him. Only then did he remember that he was supposed to be somewhere else - he was still supposed to be out on a mission. He sat up with a start, wincing from doing so. He glanced around frantically to take in the scenery but it didn’t take long for his eyes to settle on Hadriana. “You…” He growled the word with venom in his voice and climbed to his feet, staggering toward the two of them.

\---

Justice looked back to him when he shifted and said the name. So he wasn’t really asleep. He straightened up and took a step back as he approached. “Her hands are broken,” he informed him, since that was the best physical measure of protection to take against a mage. It didn’t make casting impossible, just difficult. “She had magebane on her, but I didn’t know until after. I gave it to her.” She wouldn’t be casting anything for the rest of her life.

\---

The elf looked between the two of them in stunned disbelief. Justice had found her for him. He’d hunted her down in the night and was serving her to him on a silver platter. He could have gone for his sword, but he trusted the spirit - for the first time in his life - that she was no longer a threat.

Seeing murder in his eyes, Hadriana’s filled with renewed terror and she struggled uselessly at her bindings. She screamed into her gag when the elf lashed out toward her, but when he tore the cloth away, she immediately started pleading. “You know this isn’t personal, Fenris. I was following orders. Just like you would have to if you were in my position. It’s his head you want, not mine.”

“And those times you were put in charge and you had us beaten and starved, pushed to the brink in sleep deprivation for your amusement? I’m sure that wasn’t personal either.” Fenris first spat the words, then literally spat in the face of the woman after he crouched in front of her. “Did you get word to him when you found me? Does he know that I am here?”

She shrank back as much as she could when he drew closer, trying to shield her face from him. “No, he doesn’t know where you are. I swear it. So why don’t we make a deal? If you let me go, I’ll give him a false report. I’ll go to Antiva and tell him I caught sight of you there.” Hadriana saw the skepticism she expected and went on quickly. “As a show of good faith, I’ll even tell you something about your past. Something important. I can help you. Almesed, juli sera. Please…”

The warrior snorted a laugh. To hear her plead to him in both tongues was something he used to dream of but never would have imagined coming to fruition. “...Then let’s hear it.”

Her brows raised, never having expected him to accept. She drew a shaky breath and nodded. “Thank you, Fenris. Thank you. You won’t regret this.” When Hadriana saw the impatient gesture to go on, she quickly spilled what she had to tell him. “You have a sister. Varania. She’s alive and well. She’s back home in Tevinter, hoping that you will return some day.”

At that, Fenris actually took a step back. Part of him wanted to think she was just making this up, but a deeper part of him almost remembered. Enough to know she was speaking the truth. “...Is she a slave?”

“Not a slave. A servant to Magister Ahriman. But that is all that I know of her. Now please, if you just undo my bindings, I will leave your sight and head to Antiva so-” But that was as far as she got. She released a horrible wet gasp as the elf plunged a brilliantly glowing arm inside of her torso and tugged out her beating heart. Fenris was shaking as he watched her die in front of him, his face turning toward Justice only after her agonized breathing had stopped. “...Thank you, Justice. Come here.” He was still distrustful of the spirit, more so now that his adrenaline over needing Hadriana dead was beginning to wane, but he’d done him an important kindness just the same.

\---

Justice watched the scene impassively, though there was a deep satisfaction to see the warrior get the justice he deserved from this woman. Though he was, he didn’t have to be watching to know the moment she died, he felt her aura flicker out and all that was left behind was the sweet song of the lyrium coming from the elf. His eyes rose to meet Fenris’ when he was addressed and he bowed his head slightly in response, but it quickly lifted when summoned. He wasn’t sure _why_ he was being summoned, but he approached him with some wariness, knowing well how he regarded him. “Yes?”

\---

“You look very drained. Take some lyrium from me.” He was still shaking and his expression was hard to read as he tried to sort through how he felt about what the woman had said to him. But he reached out and put a hand on Justice’s arm, letting a steady stream of energy flow into him.

\---

It was true. He’d been drained at the start of the night and all that he’d done to bring the mage to him had worsened his condition considerably. It was more than the mage could have handled and at this point, if he were to give him back into control, they would pass out on the spot. His breath caught when the hand touched him and the offer rang in his ears. He moved suddenly, grabbing him and pulling him in, trying to touch as much of him as possible as he wrapped his arms around him. If this was incredible for the mage, it was _nothing_ to how it was for him.

\---

Fenris tensed sharply when the spirit grabbed him, ready for a fight, but when he just embraced him, he eased a little. He must really need the lyrium and he did owe Justice a great deal after delivering Hadriana to his home, after all. Still, he was wounded and it was uncomfortable to be held like this while was standing so he nodded toward his bed. “We both need rest. Let’s sit down while you take what you need.”

\---

In many ways, he was still Anders. Apart from the glowing, he looked the same, he smelled the same; he even felt the same to some degree, though he did hold himself noticeably differently. He pulled back with reluctance, truly struggling, before letting go of him. “Very well.” He moved to their side of the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. Anders’ habits took over and he took off his boots and let down his hair instinctively.

\---

It seemed he meant to make himself comfortable and that likely would have bothered the warrior if he hadn’t done it just the way Anders usually did. He moved to sit beside him and wrapped an arm around him, wishing it was Anders but comforted by the fact that the body he was leaning against at least felt right to him. He offered him the fingers of his other hand, gauging by the spirits needy hold on him that he’d get more benefit from sucking his fingers raw just like the mage did.

\---

His eyes fixed on the fingers and he recognized what was being offered. It seemed… inappropriate to him, considering the way it made Anders feel and the way he would touch himself while thinking about sucking on them. Still, he knew that it intensified what they felt and anytime they were together, he couldn’t help but want him to do it. It didn’t _have_ to have the lecherous undertone that the mage always gave it. With some degree of hesitation, he let his lips part and he took the fingers into his mouth to give them an awkward suck, but the sensation hit him like a sledgehammer and he shook as he suddenly turned desperate. His arms slid around him and he pulled him back in, sucking hard on his fingers as if to draw the lyrium out of his very skin.

\---

This was another familiar feeling that was a comfort to him. It was just like it would be if Anders was here now. His Baru holding him and sucking his lyrium from him desperately. He was sore and tired and he found himself leaning his head on the man’s shoulder, closing his eyes and resting while the spirit replenished his energy.

\---

It took a long time for him to pull away and when he did, he was panting softly. It was difficult to convince himself to pull away from the song and so he didn’t let go of him just yet. “You’ve become a distraction to us.” Not only Anders. The more time they spent with him, the less time they were working toward their end goal and the less drastic he was willing to be to get it done.

\---

“That is probably a good thing. Before I started distracting him, he barely ate or slept. He’s healthier now. And I will never let the templars get their hands on him again.” He didn’t open his eyes, content to rest on his shoulder so long as he would stay this close. “He has been a good distraction for me too.”

\---

“He had enough of both,” he argued, though he knew that the mage was feeling increasingly better as he gave into excess. “He is not the only mage in danger and while we are distracted by selfish comforts, they continue to suffer. It is not right. If you would help us, then we would be able to continue in our endeavor and Anders can have what he needs of you.”

\---

“If you think he had enough, you don’t have much understanding of what humans need.” He wasn’t sure where this was coming from and he frowned, lifting his head to look at him. “What is it that you want?”

\---

That made him frown. He wasn’t wrong - even in his body with access to every thought and emotion, he struggled to understand all of the needs that came with it. His need for companionship, for example. He learned what it was to have a friend in Kristoff’s corpse and he came to appreciate the beauty of such relationships, but the _need_ , the ache that came with isolation... He didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand the constant hunger for so much, for food, for touch, for enjoyment. They had enough to survive and it seemed to him that was all that mattered.

“You know what we seek. If you would support him, spend your days working toward our cause and going with him when he has to go to the Gallows or leave the city at night, we could do more. He would not have to chose between his duty and you and he would be safer for it.”

\---

He hadn’t realized that Anders had been going to the Gallows. He definitely wouldn’t let him go there alone any longer and that was all it took for him to solemnly nod his agreement. There was no reason he couldn’t carefully pick some templars off during his day. Anders would be safer. He put his head back on Justice’s shoulder again, having far too much on his mind for how tired he was.

\---

The unquestioning agreement was unexpected, but then they had grown rather close, hadn’t they? “You will have to tell him of your desire to help him.” He’d nudged him to try and recruit the warrior before, but the reservations they both had were amplified in Anders and he refused to even hint at anything they did for their cause. He pretended he didn’t have one at all in Fenris’ presence, that the time he spent away was just personal errands he was running in the dead of night; something that Justice disapproved of.

\---

Fenris nodded again, but he didn’t imagine Anders would agree. If he hadn’t asked him to help himself, he likely didn’t want him involved. “Lie down. I’m sure he means to open the clinic tomorrow and lyrium alone won’t replenish his body. He needs sleep.”

\---

“Our body,” he reminded him, but he let go of him to do as he was told. He already craved to touch him again, but he couldn’t completely give into the desire. He would be no better than a demon if he let the need to bask in the song overpower all else. He couldn’t see it, but his need for that was not unlike the many needs he didn’t understand.

\---

Fenris laid down with him and settled close. He didn’t put his arms around him, but he was pressed to his side enough to keep feeding lyrium into him. “Just rest. I have a lot to think about.” Without the spirit arguing with him about the body he inhabited, he needed to clear his head.

\---

He fell silent then and with enough time, he felt recovered. Their body would need to rest, he was right, and he could feel the mage in the back of his mind and knew he had strength enough to return. He eased back and the light filling the room dimmed considerably when it was only coming from Fenris. Anders’ eyes snapped open and he made a sound, startled to find himself lying with Fenris. “F-Fenris.” He pushed himself up to an elbow, looking around as if there was anything to see in the quiet room. “Where- what-... What happened?”

\---

“A lot.” Fenris murmured, but looked relieved to have the mage back. He didn’t doubt that Anders would pick up on the smell of blood on him and in the room if he couldn’t already see the corpse in the room in the low light of his glow. “But you need to rest. Lie back down, Baru. I will keep you safe.”

\---

“What?” He shook his head, his eyes fixing on him. “What happened? Tell me. We were out and we- we got ambushed and they thought I…” His hand lifted to his mouth and he shook his head. “Fenris, tell me what happened. What did I do?!” This time his voice was urgent and he took a hold of his arm, gripping it tightly.

\---

“Justice took over. He was angry that they would think that of you. He wanted to go with me to help find Hadriana but I was injured so the others wouldn’t let me go.” He had expected Anders to remember at least some of it and he frowned to see him so distressed. He winced when his arm was gripped, his breath catching and he leaned to kiss his cheek in hopes of soothing him a little. “Easy, that hurts. Do you not remember anything at all that happened tonight?”

\---

He blinked, letting that sink in. He nodded slowly and when told to ease off, he let go of him, drawing his hand back suddenly. “Sorry, I just- I thought I might have…” He shook his head. “I don’t remember anything when he takes over. It goes dark. The only time I can remember is when we’re in the Fade together.” It was an experience he didn’t particularly like - seeing everything, hearing himself speak and feeling himself move, but having no control over any of it. Remembering nothing was better, but then he always felt uneasy about what he’d been doing in those blank spaces. Justice usually filled him in and he fell quiet as he questioned his version of events.

\---

“It’s alright. He helped me. The others took me to bed, but he came here in the last hour. He brought her to me, Anders. She’s dead and I’m safe for a little while longer. Until Danarius gets here, I’m safe.” He looked relieved as he said it, but there was clearly unease just beneath it. “I gave him lyrium to thank him and help restore you.”

\---

Justice didn’t even get the chance to confirm - he stared at him. “She’s dead?” He brought her here? He looked around, as if expecting to see her, but it was dark and he couldn’t make out much. It seemed there was a shape on the floor, but it wasn’t clear to him what it was. The smell of blood took on new significance and he turned to him. “Are you okay?” He reached for him again, this time taking his hand and holding it.

\---

“I...don’t know.” After what he’d been told, he really didn’t know how he felt. He hadn’t had time to process it. He laced their fingers together, hardly aware of the blood he’d already gotten all over Anders just by holding him. “But he brought her to me and I killed her. So I’m better than I was when I last saw you.”

\---

“You killed her,” he repeated, letting that sink in. “She’s gone and you’re safe.” The relief it gave him made him forget all of his worries and he pulled him in with his other arm, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “No one is going to come after you, not if she’s gone.” He was _so_ relieved and he held him close. “I have to look at you. Come on, let’s move to the fire.” There wasn’t a fire, but a little magic was an easy fixed for that.

\---

“You need to rest. You were so drained when you got here. You can look me over in the morning. Maybe bandage me up a little better than the others did.” He turned his face and pressed a kiss to his lips. It was immediately followed by several more, kissing him in a needy way he never had before and pouring lyrium into their connection with each one. “So you weren’t really here. You didn’t hear any of the things she told me.”

\---

The kisses were surprising and he reciprocated each, not sure what to make of this mood. Perhaps he was just so relieved. “I wasn’t, what did she say?” It seemed it could be either good or bad, so he squeezed his hand encouragingly as he waited for the answer.

\---

“She said she didn’t tell Danarius where I was. But that was a lie. She knew I was here before she made her move and she would have sent word to him.” He paused there, having more trouble putting the next bit of information into words. “But she...she told me I have a sister and she’s alive. I don’t remember her...but when I heard her name, I knew Hadriana wasn’t lying. I know I had a sister. She told me she’s alive in Tevinter. That she’s a servant, not a slave.” His voice was uneven by the end, still so rattled by this little piece of his former life that still existed.

\---

He frowned, not liking the sound of that, but his expression shifted to surprise when he went on. “A sister? In Tevinter?” He could hear how much this was affecting him and he lifted his hand up to kiss the back of it. He wasn’t sure what to say - it was a lot to take in and it wasn’t even his sister. “I imagine you want to contact her,” he surmised softly, giving the hand another kiss.

\---

“I do. I want to tell her I’m sorry. That I wouldn’t have run without saving her too if I would have known. That if she’s truly a servant and not a slave, I can send her the coin she needs to get out of Tevinter. To start her own life.” Fenris squeezed his hand and closed his eyes. “I wish I could remember her.”

\---

“You don’t intend on going to her, though?” He was worried that he might want to and it was a thought that he wanted to smother if so. “What if it was a lie? Not that you have a sister, but that she’s still there? What if it’s just a way to lure you there, knowing that you would want to meet her and help her?” Something that had been planned should the worst happen and Hadriana was caught.

\---

“...No. She was probably hoping I’d run right back to Tevinter. Varania may not even be alive. I can’t go after her. I’d likely get us both killed. But Hadriana told me who she’s serving under. I will try to get a letter to her.” He opened his eyes again to look at him earnestly. “...Will you write it for me? I don’t know how.”

\---

He took that information in stride, more concerned with what they were discussing. “Are you certain? Would a letter be any less dangerous? What if Danarius doesn’t know where you are? Or what if he thinks you were spooked when Hadriana showed up? What if the letter ends up in the wrong hands?”

\---

“I’m...not certain, no. I have not had enough time to think about this. I have some time to decide. Before Danarius realizes Hadriana isn’t coming back and he’ll have to send someone else for me.” Fenris wanted to act. To reach out to his sister, try to help her if he could. But he also knew that it was dangerous and could well be another trap.

\---

“Then take the time you need to think about it. If you decide you want to send a letter, I’ll help you.” A lot had happened and he knew this must be overwhelming for him. He still didn’t know what to think himself, but what mattered most was making sure he was okay. “For now, you need to rest. I know you have a lot on your mind and I expect that won’t change anytime soon, but we did a lot today and you need to go to sleep with me.”

\---

Fenris nodded, knowing he was right. He normally would not be able to sleep, especially after all that had happened. But he was physically and emotionally drained. He needed sleep and it would be easier to fall under if the mage was sleeping with him. “I think I can sleep.” He started to ease himself to lie down, pulling Anders down with him.

\---

He followed after him and used the arm around him to pull him in so they were flush. “We’ll talk in the morning,” he assured him, knowing they had a lot to discuss. When there was a long enough silence, he gave the spirit an apology for his panic and thanked him protecting Fenris. Justice wasn’t happy with him reacting the way he had, as if he were a danger to their companions, but he accepted the apology and thanks graciously enough.

\---

Fenris stayed pressed tightly to Anders, holding him with a tight grip on his robes that was unlike him. It wasn't until he truly fell under that his hold relaxed and he could simply rest against him, the glow in his skin dying out. He slept deeply, probably as much from the whack to the head from Isabela as from exhaustion, but he needed it either way.

\---

He stroked his back, giving him what comfort he could. He was safe. There was no one after him and he was laying in his arms, arms that would protect him even when he couldn’t, it seemed. Only when Fenris’ hold relaxed did he let it still to try and fall under himself. Exhausted as he was, it didn’t take long and soon the pair were resting together, pressed as close as could be throughout the night.


	19. Chapter 19

It was mid-morning when Fenris woke, groaning and tucking his face against Anders to avoid the sunlight that had flooded into the room. But he was awake and so were all of his aches and pains from the day before so there was no use putting it off. He rolled to his back, surveying the room and tensing when his eyes fell on the corpse on his floor, starkly reminding him of all that had happened in the night.

\---

When Fenris pulled away from him, it was enough to wake Anders. It was uncommon that he would sleep in and so even though he could have used a bit more rest, his body was ready to wake at the slightest provocation. He stretched with a sound, before bringing the back of his hand in to rub at his face. “Why is there so much light?” he mumbled, his eyes cracking open to look at the warrior.

Before he could answer, the sound of the front door opening made him pause. He strained to listen and the sound of several sets of footsteps had him pushing himself up. He gave Fenris a worried glance, everything from last night rushing back, but before he could get himself worked up enough to leap off of the bed, a familiar voice called, “Fenris? Are you ready to go?”

Hawke.

The relief he felt was brief, his eyes widening when he realized they were about to walk in and see them together. It could likely be explained away, considering what had happened the night before, but he didn’t stop to consider that as he shifted into his other form. A cat was left sitting in his place just as a pair of rogues stepped into the room. Hawke’s eyes immediately found the corpse on the floor and he sucked in a sharp breath, stopping dead, “Shit! Fenris?!” His eyes lifted to look around and when he saw him, he let out a breath. “What happened? Are you okay?” He moved further into the room, his eyes dropping back to the corpse and having a bad feeling about who it was.

\---

Fenris had sat up sharply with a wince at the sound of footsteps, ready to lunge at whoever came through the door until he heard Hawke’s voice. He looked down to see his handiwork in the daylight - the mutilated magister corpse in a pool of thick, coagulated blood. He and his bedsheets were also covered with it. Some of the blood from his shoddily bandaged wounds, most of it from the slaughter of Hadriana. He reached for his Baru, setting the cat in his lap. “I'm alright now. She showed up in the night, but I questioned her and dealt with the problem.” There had been enough distress over Justice’s appearance with the group the day before, he didn't think it wise to speak of his role in the blood mage’s death.

“Yeah, she looks pretty dealt with.” Isabela murmured, moving in for a better look at the corpse.

\---

Hawke was left speechless, moving past her to the bed where the elf was sitting covered in blood… with his cat. “Shit, I really thought… We should have taken you home with us.” He hadn’t thought that he would be endangered if they put it off for one more day, but he’d been proven wrong. He glanced back at the corpse, his hand lifting to dig into his hair, before dropping as he looked back to him. “You’re covered in blood, are you hurt?” His demeanor suddenly reeked of guilt, though he was okay and nothing bad had happened.

\---

“You didn’t need to take me home with you. I’m fine and my job was a lot easier with her just showing up like she did.” With a great deal of help from the spirit who dragged her. His eyes moved briefly to Isabela, who seemed to be inspecting Hadriana’s jewelry and deciding if she wanted any of it, then looked back up to Hawke. “I’m alright, really. Just the same bumps and bruises from yesterday. Most of the blood is hers. I didn’t have more sword on hand so I killed her the messy way.”

\---

He hummed at that, as if unsure what to say. After shifting his weight a couple of times, he gestured behind him at the body. “We can help you clean up, at least.” He really had made quite the mess and he needed to clean himself up. “Why don’t you go wash up and we’ll get rid of her?”

\---

“I was thinking of keeping her head as a decoration.” Fenris pulled Baru into his arms as he rose to his feet. He winced, aching but steady as he started to walk to the door. “Thank you, Hawke. If you two will get her out of here, I’ll wash up and give H’la Baru something to eat. ...Then I’ll meet up with you later today. She told me a few things before she died and we need to discuss it.”

\---

That didn’t bode well, but it would be a conversation for later. “We’ll talk then,” he agreed, moving back to the body. When Fenris was gone, he focused on Isabela. “Think he’ll mind if we get rid of his carpet?” He gestured over where it was laying in front of the fire, big enough to roll the body up in. “If only he had a cellar like mine. We could just dump her in Darktown with all of the other dead bodies.”

\---

“No, he can get a better carpet.” Isabela finished pocketing the dead woman’s coin and rings, then started to push her body toward one end of the rug. “I’ll help him pick one out tomorrow if he gets all pissy about it.”

Fenris carried his cat to his bathroom, setting him down so he could begin filling his tub with the cold water he had on hand. “I’m sure you’re hungry. Let me wash the blood off of us, then I’ll feed you once the others are gone.” The blood he’d smeared onto Anders was less noticeable in his fur, but still there.

\---

He helped her get the body in place and then took one end of the rug to start rolling it. “We’ll dump it and then maybe come back to clean up some of the blood? He’s not looking too hot.” When they finished rolling her up, he grumbled. “I prefer it when we’re attacked in the streets and we can just leave the bodies for the guards to worry about.”

When he was set down, Anders shifted back. The pair were preoccupied and it was unlikely that he would be seen. “Let me heal you. You took a beating yesterday and I never got a chance to look at you or bind your wounds properly. It would be better for both of us if I heal you.” Then he would happily change back and take his bath with him.

\---

“We should have let him kill her in her lair. There wouldn’t have been any cleanup.” Isabela groaned with him when they finished rolling her. “I think we should give him just a little space. He says he’s fine, but I’m sure he’s still upset. If he hasn’t come to talk to you by nightfall, we can come back and help him clean up.”

Fenris shook his head, but was beginning to peel off the bloodied bandages so Anders could at least see the wounds. “They can wait until I walk you back to the clinic. I just need a little salve for the burn and proper binding on the gashes.” He still wasn’t thrilled with the idea of being healed, even by Anders, if his life didn’t depend on it.

\---

“Fine, fine. Let’s get her out of here.” He took one end of the rug and lifted it up so they could lug it out. There was a little bit of blood dripping out of one end of the roll, but if they were quick about it, no one would notice.

“Fenris,” he sighed, closing the distance between them and sliding his arms around him carefully, so he wasn’t disturbing his wounds. “Let me heal you,” he murmured close to his ear, pressing a kiss to his temple. “It would make me feel better.” It was dangerous to continually use magic in one area, as it could attract templars, but he wasn’t asking for much. A single, all encompassing heal.

\---

“Why? I’m not hurt badly.” It was clear Fenris was still feeling rather needy as he put his arms around Anders in return, holding him almost a little too tight. “You were so drained last night. There is no need for magic. You can take care of me without it.” He could hear the footfalls of the rogues leaving and he released a shaky breath, knowing that when they went back to his room the magister’s corpse would be gone.

\---

He remained silent until the sound of them passing faded. “It’s what I do. I heal. How would you feel if you could do something to help me but I refused to let you?” He knew why it was difficult for him, but right now wanted so badly to fix something. He didn’t want to see him in pain and struggling when it was nothing to him to ease it.

\---

There was something he could do to help Anders, he’d learned, but now wasn’t the time to tell him about it. With that in mind, he drew in a slow breath and nodded. “Go on then.” He wouldn’t like the feel of the magic mending his skin, soothing as the sensation was, and he tensed as he braced himself for it.

\---

He kept his arms around him, completely still as he let the magic run through them. It made the embrace warm as he eased the healing into him, fixing every wound all at once. When he was done, he smiled. “Good as new,” he praised him, giving him another kiss to the temple, before drawing back enough to look at him. “Thank you.” There were still wounds that were impossible to heal with magic, but he knew that with time they would fade.

\---

As always, it wasn’t as bad as he expected it to be. He looked uneasy, but seeing Anders smile at him when he drew back made his lips quirk up slightly. “Thank you. My head was killing me.” It would be easier to think about all of this without his temple aching and swelling.

\---

“See? It’s so much easier when you just let me take care of you.” So much had happened in the last few days, far too much excitement, and he decided it would be nice to be Baru for a while. True to his intention, he changed back as soon as he was finished healing him and looked up at him from the floor.

\---

“I suppose so.” He said down to his cat. He wanted to talk to him. To be held by him. But it was also so very nice to see his cat. Fenris began to strip off his armor, sticky with dried blood, letting it fall to the floor to be washed. For all his sheepishness about being touched, he didn’t seem to have many qualms about getting naked in front of the mage as he finished stripping bare and eased himself into the frigid water in the basin with a cringe. “Now are you going to be a good sport about me getting the blood out of your fur?” He asked as he began to scrub the blood and grime from his skin.

\---

He rose up onto his hind legs to peer into the basin, his eyes skimming the surface of the water. When they rose to look at Fenris, he meowed and then hopped up to perch on the flat edge of it, watching him wash himself. He couldn’t help the way his gaze wandered him, but he was quick to realize himself and he busied himself with grooming his fur instead.

\---

The elf didn't mind the eyes on him and tipped his head back to work at getting the dried blood out of his hair. “Justice told me I've become a distraction to you. That I should be spending my days and nights helping your cause.” He told the cat as if this was a casual conversation about the weather. It was easy to just come out and say it to Baru, unlike Anders, because Baru would not argue with him. Only listen. 

\---

He paused mid-lick, his head lifting to stare at him. His ears fell and his tail gave an uneasy flick. He didn’t like that. Not one bit. The spirit could not influence his thoughts in this form as he could when Anders was human, so all he felt was the rush of indignance Justice felt at being reprimanded about butting in where he didn’t belong. He imagined that Fenris didn’t like being told that either and he waited to see his purpose in bringing it up.

\---

He could see that Baru was displeased and he'd expected as much. If the spirit was the one to say it to him it was most likely because the mage didn't want him to know. “I don't want you to feel like I am getting in the way of what you want to do. What we have should not be a distraction to you.” He’d nearly said their ‘friendship’ should not be a distraction but thought better of it. They were in a relationship now. “Even if you didn't feel that way, I need to keep you safe.”

\---

His tailed continued to flick for a time and then he hopped off the basin. The transition back to human was smooth and he kneeled as he shifted, so he ended up sitting on his knees on the floor beside him. “He is the only one that believes you are a distraction. If he had concerns, he should have spoken to me.” This was said pointedly and it was clear he was directing the comment inward. “You needn’t concern yourself with what I do. Contrary to what he thinks, I have found a good balance in how I spend my time.”

\---

Fenris had hoped he wouldn't change right back, but when he did, he sighed. Rather than debate it with him, he reached out of the tub to give his robe a tug. “Take this off and get in with me. I got a lot of blood on you last night, let me wash you off.”

\---

The change in subject was unexpected and made him apprehensive, since he was asking him to bare himself to him. He knew that he didn’t mean anything by it, but they’d never been nude together. The closest they’d gotten was the other night when Fenris undressed himself and pushed his robes up to expose him. “Are you sure? It would be easier to share your tub with Baru.” There wouldn’t be much room for either of them, not to mention it was a lot easier not to feel desire when he was a cat.

\---

“Perhaps. But it would also be easier to clean blood from skin than from fur. Besides, I'm not going to let you heal me again if your cat instincts took over in the water and you clawed me to shreds.” Fenris rinsed his hair again. “You'll warm me better as you are anyway. This water is chilling me to the bone.” Though that was his own fault for not taking the time to warm it over the fire.

\---

He looked down at the water in confusion and dipped a finger in to test it. He quickly drew it back out. “Fenris, you blighted elf. Why didn’t you warm it?” He hadn’t thought about it since he never had to light a fire to heat his own water, and he didn’t understand why he’d willing take a bath so cold. “Look at you, you’re covered in goosebumps!” he fussed, only now seeing the signs of the chill on him. Without asking permission, he stuck his hand into the water and let a wave of heat roll from it, beginning to gradually warm the water up.

\---

He gave a heavy shiver when the first bit of heat touched him and it didn't take long for the water to lose its biting chill. “The rogues were still out there, I didn't want to haul water back and forth to the fireplace. I just wanted to get out of sight.” He breathed easier when the water was warm, not minding that it had been magic that did the trick. It was not magic aimed at him. “Thank you, that feels so much better.”

\---

“You could’ve asked me,” he told him, still disapproving, though he knew why he hadn’t. He kept his hand in the water for some time, bringing it up to a nice toastiness. Then he withdrew his hand and gave it a little shake to get the drops of water off of it. He folded his arms over the edge of the tub and rested his cheek against them, watching him. “Did last night change anything?” he asked, his tone somewhat serious.

\---

“A lot happened last night. What are you asking about specifically?” Fenris looked far more comfortable in his bath and gave scrubbing a rest and just relaxed in the warm water for a moment.

\---

“How you think of me ...and my kind, I suppose.” His expression was serene as he spoke, just watching him. “I know you hate us and I expect after last night the feeling is fresh in you.” He said this with no significance, as if it was little matter to him. “Fond though you may be of me, do you resent that I am like them? Am I still an abomination to you? Is Justice still a demon?”

\---

“I think having gotten to know you, my hatred has narrowed considerably. It's the blood mages and the slavers that I hate. I thought all mages were like the ones in Tevinter. But you have proven me wrong.” He was watching the water as he spoke, unable to look at him. “You are not like them. And Justice is not like their demons, not after what he did for me last night.”

\---

“You no longer think that all mages are blood mages in waiting?” That was really where it seemed his problem had come from. He thought all mages would cave into the temptation for one reason or another. It warmed him to hear that his opinion had changed, especially where Justice was concerned. He could feel the warmth deep inside him he knew his own emotions weren’t the only he was feeling.

\---

“I think most are blood mages in waiting. But some are not. Some are like you.” He didn't doubt most mages would be blood mages eventually. But at least he had conceded a little in his opinion of them. He began to scrub himself again, busying his hands though he'd already gotten most of the blood off.

\---

That was something. “I’m glad.” He slid an arm out from under his cheek and reached for his hand, stopping his scrubbing as he wove their fingers together and then letting their hands drop beneath the water to simply rest. It seemed he was content where he was and was in no hurry to move.

\---

“Why don't you get in with me?” Fenris suggested again, giving his hand a squeeze. “There's enough room. I can wash our clothes once we're out and we can wear sheet robes like you did the last time I covered you in gore.”

\---

He hesitated, but there was no real reason to deny him and it would be nice. He let go of his hand and rose to his feet, loosening his robes. The fabric slid from his shoulders and down to pool at his feet, giving Fenris his first look at his body. He didn’t seem shy, even as he pushed his smallclothes down to expose himself fully. He’d already seen that part of him and even if he hadn’t, he did not bare himself to anyone he didn’t want to.

It was a drastic difference to what Fenris might have seen a year ago. He was slighter than his robes suggested, but he’d gained a bit of the muscle that had been lost to him since leaving the Wardens back. His shoulders were broad and he looked stronger than the average mage - his build reflecting that his staff was not merely used for casting spells. There were freckles sprinkled over his skin and his hair was thickest at his calves, his forearms, and below his navel. The skin itself was without flaw, with an exception that would not be visible to him.

Anders preferred to keep it that way so as he approached the tub, he gestured for him to scoot forward, so he could slip in behind. That was not conducive to being washed, as Fenris’ wished to do for him, but he doubted he would care.

\---

Fenris moved forward, as he was asked, but petite as he was he was able to turn around to face the mage at the other end of the tub and still leave some room for him. He smiled slightly as he looked him over, taking in every little detail that made him look nothing like Danarius. He hugged his knees to his chest, giving the mage the majority of the tub to climb in and get settled.

\---

He watched him move to the opposite end of the tub to give him space and it made him pause. Had that been too forward? He chastised himself, realizing that the offer to bathe with him didn’t mean he wanted to be close. He hadn’t even thought about it. Idiot. He stepped into the tub carefully, using his hands to ease himself down so he was sitting, keeping his knees pulled in similarly so they had as much space between them as possible in so small a place.

\---

It seemed Fenris indeed wanted to be close because as soon as he was in, he moved closer, urging the mage’s legs apart so he could settle between them and they could both stretch out a little. He was turned a little to one side so his hip was against Anders’ groin, and from this vantage he grabbed a fresh rag and began to gingerly wash the mage’s arms. “...Do you think it's a bad idea to write to my sister? Even if I tell her to send her correspondence to another town?”

\---

He felt better when he returned to him and he followed his urging, letting his legs stretch out to either side of him so they could get comfortable. It felt nice, though he was trying his hardest not to pay too much attention to his body. He let him take hold of his arms and watched as he cleaned them. “It could be… but that is a thought, isn’t it? If it did fall into the wrong hands and you lead her to believe that you are somewhere else, it could throw anyone else that might come after you off your scent.”

\---

“That's what I was thinking. If I am discreet about traveling to check the place I tell her to send the letter to, perhaps anyone else who catches a glimpse of it will think I've moved on from Kirkwall.” He leaned in closer as he finished his lower arms, almost lying against Anders’ torso as he reached to wash his shoulders.

\---

“Perhaps you don’t even have to travel. I’m sure Varric has some connection that is able to accomplish such correspondence. It would be even better, because you could choose a place far from here to be where you reside.” He took in a slow breath when Fenris leaned against him, his eyes shutting. He craved to slide his arms around him, to stroke his fingers over his body and explore him, but he kept his hands to himself.

\---

“That’s a good idea. I can just stay here with you. Someone else can bring letters to me if she answers.” Fenris sounded rather content with the idea and he began to scrub his way down his chest and then down his sides. He could wait a little while to send anything, so it might seem realistic that he had moved somewhere that far away.

\---

He had the same thought and so he spoke up. “Let’s wait a while, though. If we want it to seem that you’re writing from somewhere else, we have to pretend that you traveled there.” It was somewhat of an awkward position for him to be cleaning him, but he appreciated that he cared enough to bother. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head as Fenris worked on scrubbing his sides.

\---

The kiss warmed him and he finished wiping away the last of the blood he’d smeared on him the night before. “I think so too. It can wait a little while.” He twisted a little more to face Anders and nestled himself against his chest, his arms draping loosely around his shoulders. Shifting made his cock brush against Anders’ thigh and it gave him a little shiver, but he didn’t seem to mind it.

\---

 

He wrapped his arms around him in return, keeping him pulled in. He felt the brush against his thigh, but he’d put such things out of mind and it was simple enough to ignore. His elf was in his arms and safe, and he even seemed happy. Right now, that was all that mattered to him.

“You intend on seeing Hawke later,” he spoke up after a while. “How much do you tell him?” Fenris wanted to speak to him about what Hadriana had said, which he wouldn’t have expected him to share with anyone apart from himself. Sure, he’d heard Fenris talk of his past to him before they’d grown close, but he was curious how much he turned to the rogue.

\---

“Just what he needs to know. That Danarius probably knows I am here. And that I may try to reach out to my sister who may or may not be alive, which he only needs to know because I could be falling for some sort of trap.” Fenris’ fingers traced absently over Anders’ shoulders, pressing close to him and closing his eyes.

\---

That wasn’t quiet what he’d been getting at, but it answered his question well enough. To push him closer to what he wanted to know, he went on, as if he had another question. “Do you often speak to him?”

\---

“No. Only when there is something important to discuss.” He felt his lips quirk up a little again, as they tended to do around the mage these days. “Baru is the only one I have ever really wanted to talk to. Just to get things off my chest.”

\---

That made him smile and he let it hang in the air for a while. With a kiss to his forehead, he started to get up, urging the elf with him. “Come on, we have some cleaning up to do and I have to get back to the clinic. I’ve been away for too long.”

\---

He frowned at that, not wanting to get out just yet. The water was cooling, but he wanted just a little more time to be close with him like this. They’d been cheated out of their usual time at night with all that had happened with Hadriana’s ambush and he didn’t doubt that Anders would work late tonight to make up for it. “Before we get out...I want to try something. Will you help me?”

\---

He paused, not sure what he could have in mind, but willing enough. “Sure, what is it?” He was curious and he settled back against the wall of the tub, momentarily abandoning his plan to get out.

\---

“I want...I want you to touch me. I haven’t...even touched myself in a very long time. It...always brought up those bad feelings. But I really need it. ...And I think you can help me.” It was clear that he had trouble talking about it, but it was a topic he thought might help keep Anders in the bath with him a little longer. He wanted to stay with him longer, though every word of it was true. ‘’...Can I try guiding your hand? Just for a few minutes in here?”

\---

By the end of his request, he’d softened considerably. “Yeah, you can try.” If that was what he needed, he’d do it for him. He moved his arms back around him and left them resting lightly over his sides. Since he was wanted to guide him, he decided to wait there to let him take over, though he did give his shoulder an encouraging kiss.

\---

Fenris turned his hips again, leaning his side against Anders instead of his abs so the mage would have better access to the front of his body. He took hold of one of his hands and guided it to his chest. He had no doubt Anders would feel his heart and the way its beating picked up as soon as he started to lead the hand down to his stomach, bringing it to rest for a moment at the base of his abs. He was taking it better than he would have if Anders was touching him on his own, but he still began to shake a little. “I just need a second…”

\---

He let him lead his hand wherever he wanted, keeping it still and compliant. This was to help Fenris and that made it a lot easier for Anders to keep his own needs quelled. “Take your time and stop if you need to,” he murmured, since it seemed appropriate to keep his voice quiet. His thumb give a couple of soothing strokes before it went still, ready to be moved should he decide he was ready.

\---

“That’s why this is okay. I trust you. I know you’ll let this stop if I ask you to.” That was the only reason it was even worth trying this. And it had won him a little extra time with Anders for the morning. After waiting a few more beats, he shifted their hands lower until Anders was cupping his cock. He drew in a sharp breath, his stomach giving the usual uneasy turn even though he knew he had control. But it passed quickly and he squeezed the mage’s hand to make him start to squeeze and rub him. “It’s okay.” He told himself as much as Anders.

\---

Hearing his declaration of trust made his own heart give a little flip. He let his hand press loosely to him, keeping it still until he was encouraged to do more. He began working him gently, his free arm sliding around his back to hold him close. “It’s okay,” he repeated, wanting him to feel safe with him in all ways.

\---

It didn't take much before he began to harden and he kept manipulating Anders’ hand to work himself beneath the water. His breathing picked up, both in pleasure and anxiety and he writhed a little in his hold when he was squeezed just right. “It won't hurt.” He murmured, again mostly to himself as he hardened further and guided Anders’ fingers to wrap around him.

\---

He remained quiet, just being a presence for him as it began to work him up. He wrapped his fingers around him, as desired, but left his hand still. He didn’t intend on doing anything without Fenris first indicating that he wanted him to. He simply held him, waiting for whatever he wanted next.

\---

It was much easier to proceed when Anders patiently waited on him to prompt him further. This was up to him. He could decide when it started and when it stopped. Though he'd gotten the extra time he'd wanted out of this he found that he really did want to try this. To see if he could have this experience without the memories of Tevinter creeping in to ruin it. He slowly began guiding him to stroke. He was tense and trembling harder, but still feeling better than he had the night Anders had been stroking him on his own.

\---

The hand on his side wanted to stroke comfortingly, but he didn’t know if the attention would be welcome, so he refrained. He kept the strokes simple, maintaining the pace that he set and hoping that it was helping more than it was hurting. He really couldn’t tell with the way he was shaking, but Fenris knew that they could stop whenever he wanted.

\---

It seemed he was accepting it well enough because after taking a little time to get used to the sensation, he started to drive the mage’s hand a little faster. He turned a little more to seek Anders’ lips, kissing him firmly which seemed to ease his trembling a little bit. “It feels nice.. “ He murmured against his lips, finding that it did actually feel better than he'd expected.

\---

There were many ways to make it feel better, but those would come later. For now, he quickened hand to the pace he seemed to want. He smiled into the kiss, not expecting it, and returned it in like. “Good, it’s supposed to.” What they were doing was enough to make his own cock twitch with interest and as soon as it did, he drew his hand resting on him back to slip it between them and create a barrier so it wouldn’t give him any anxiety.

\---

He kept the pace that seemed just right to him, leading Anders’ hand to touch him the way he wanted. His trembling eased the longer it went on, but he still writhed and squirmed at the simple pleasure like a virgin who had never been touched this way before. Kissing him made for a lovely distraction, though the longer the stroking went on the more he began to moan and gasp softly against his lips.

\---

His reactions were wonderful and the sound of his voice in particular continued to work him up, but again, this was for Fenris and he ignored himself. He had a lot of practice with that and so he just poured himself into the kiss, showing him how much it meant to him to be doing this with him so soon after that night.

\---

He'd known he would have to try something like this if he meant to keep him this close, but he'd had no idea it would feel this good if he could get past his initial turmoil. He didn't doubt that it would come right back if Anders took charge and started doing what he wanted with him, but right now he felt in complete control. Taking advantage of that control, he urged the hand to pump him faster, needing to ease a pressure building up inside of him that he hadn't felt in a very long time. “Anders…” He whispered against his lips, his hips starting to shudder beyond his control though they did not rock or buck like one might expect.

\---

He could feel the change in him and he broke the kiss to press their forehead together, his eyes shut as he took in the every sign of the pleasure that he was feeling. He’d really wanted to show him how much he revered and craved his body, but this was enough for him. This, at least, was wanted. His hand was moving quickly now, the sound of the water sloshing becoming louder than the elf’s gasps.

\---

As simple as the touch was, it was more than enough to give him the relief he needed. When he spilled, he did so heavily and with a gasp and a shudder so hard it almost appeared like it must have been painful, but it was simply the intensity of the sensation. He was left shivering and panting, clutching tightly to the mage as he slowed his hand to a stop.

\---

When drawn to a stop, his moved his hand up so he could slide it around him and stroke along his side and back. His other hand was still covering himself, so he only had the one to convey all of the warmth and comfort he was trying to offer. “Was that okay?” he asked, leaning back so he could look at him.

\---

“I...I haven't-...you were the first to-...” It seemed he was not able to form sentences, the pleasure having stripped him of his wits. After a few beats, he just nodded, looking completely stunned. He hadn't realized it would feel so good if he gave into it and relaxed.

\---

“I know,” he assured him - he didn’t have to finish. Before, he’d assumed that few had been with him, but after what he’d said to him about all of this, he knew that no one had. No one since he escaped, anyway. “Just tell me when you want to do it again. We’ll do it just like this.”

\---

“I’m sorry.” He murmured after he’d had another moment to get his thoughts together. “I know you don’t mind being patient. But you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this. You did not know I had these issues when you developed feelings for me.” He truly was sorry for it and wished he could have just gotten past them that first night without the mage taking notice.

\---

That made him frown and his hand still. Slowly, it picked backup. “Fenris, I like you. A lot. I’m not sitting here with you because I want to get into bed with you. Don’t get me wrong, I do, but that’s not why I have feelings for you…” His arousal was dying down, so he withdrew the hand that was covering it and rested it on the edge of the basin. “I think you’re vastly overestimating how much sex I have. I can wait.”

\---

“I know it’s not why you like me. I just...I appreciate that you are willing to work with me on this, even though my problems with it have nothing to do with you.” With his hand out of the way, he could feel the wilting arousal and he smiled slightly, reaching down to run his fingers over it. “Did you like helping me, yi Anders?”

\---

“I have issues too. Everyone does. I would hope that learning of them wouldn’t change your feelings for me.” He wasn’t sure why Fenris was so bothered by them taking it slow like this. Anders didn’t think he’d been all that demanding, if not a little forward, for this kind of intimacy, so why was he putting so much stock in it suddenly? He could only imagine that it came from the root of his problem, in some expectation Fenris thought he had, but he didn’t know how to address that aspect of it, apart from continually assuring him that he didn’t mind.

It made him wonder the same thing he had that night. If in some way Fenris saw him as he did a magister. But no, that couldn’t be right, not when he’d told him just earlier that he was beginning to distinguish between mages, using him as a prime example.

When the fingers brushed over him, his hand slipped back into the water to catch Fenris’ and push it away. “I did, but that was for you. Not me.” He let go of his hand to give him a nudge. “Besides, I have to get going.”

\---

“Learning of them will change nothing for me.” He wasn’t surprised when he was pushed way, he’d already stolen too much of his time. “I know it was not for you. But I still liked bringing you pleasure. Perhaps you’ll let me when I see you tonight?” It hadn’t at all felt like a chore doing it for Anders and hearing his reaction had been quite satisfying.

\---

“Perhaps.” He did like the sound of that, but he was uncertain where that fell into what he was comfortable with. He did fine with it before, so if giving pleasure was something he could do without issue… Fenris was the one drawing the lines. “Think about if you’d like us to try this again as well.” He gave him another nudge, along with an apologetic kiss, before grabbing the edges of the basin and pushing himself up. He was conscious of how he was facing as he slipped out, getting the floor wet.

He grabbed his bloody robes and pulled on only the under robe with his smallclothes. It had managed to escape the mess, unlike last time, and he could wash the outer robe back at the clinic and leave it to dry while he worked.

\---

“If you leave the rest of the robe here I’ll wash it.” Fenris said as he climbed out of the tub as well. His armor was easier to clean off quickly and he’d give it a better wash when he got back, just needing to clear the gore off of it to walk Anders back to his clinic.

\---

He didn’t want to be a bother, but it would save him some time. “Alright, just be gentle with the pauldrons on my coat. They’re molting more and more.” He loved his feathers and he fussed any time another fell off, which was sadly becoming increasingly commonplace. He’d have a bare spot before long. He set the outer robe on the edge of the tub and moved back to where the mess was so he could pull on his boots and grab his staff.

\---

The elf finished dressing himself and followed him out, looking over the room with a frown. Hadriana was gone, along with some of the mess and his rug. “I should have kept her head for a trophy.” He mumbled to himself as he moved to grab his sword for the walk to Darktown.

\---

When he finished, he definitely looked a bit out of place. People didn’t usually go out in under robes alone, but it would serve. He rose up from the edge of his bed and made his way over to him. “Ready to go?” He had a long day ahead of him and he was already looking forward to coming back.

\---

“I’m ready.” He lead the way out, walking closely to the mage. They both had a lot to do and he would come back to the clinic about an hour later than usual to get him. He was sure Anders wouldn’t be ready, but he could help him clean up the clinic so he could get him home and give him a proper meal since they missed breakfast this morning. Once Anders was dropped off at the clinic, he’d head home, but with a detour. One where he’d see if there were any templars he could pick off easily on his way. Then he’d work on cleaning up the mess in his home and wash out their clothing.


	20. Chapter 20

In the following week they hadn’t progressed much physically, but they’d discovered a mutual fondness for kissing. Fenris blew him almost every day and a couple of times Anders had been allowed to reciprocate by way of assisted touches, but what they both seemed to really enjoy was sitting or lying together with their lips interlocked. It seemed they kissed more than they talked lately and tonight proved to be the same.

After dinner, they moved in front of the fire. Fenris sat in his chair and Anders dropped into his lap, sitting sideways so his knees hung over the arm of it. Arms looped around his neck, they started kissing and the minutes ticked away unnoticed. Anders could never get enough of his tongue and so a lot of the time was spent working them together, each finding refuge in the other’s mouths. It was hard to say just how much time had passed, but even after his lips turn raw, he did not show any signs of wanting to let up.

\---

Fenris also found himself melting so easily into moments like this. There were never any thoughts of being forced into bed or of his former master, because he’d never been asked to kiss him this way. So this felt like it was entirely his to share with Anders and he couldn’t get enough of it. His arms were draped around the mage’s waist, his tongue moving fluidly with Anders’ as he tasted and explored him. Half of the night could pass this way and he wouldn’t mind it, so content to have the other connected to him in such a way.

It was late for Isabela to come by, usually visiting him in the daylight hours to help around the house, but tonight she was hoping to catch him after he’d already had several drinks. She wanted to ask him about his budding friendship with the mage. Not only had they been acting strangely, but it had progressed. They’d gone from not bickering with each other, to actually walking together out on missions. She’d caught them exchanging whispers and it seemed they’d gotten...close, right under everyone’s noses. She knew he’d never talk to her about it sober, but by this time of night he was usually two bottles of wine deep and he’d likely be far more open with her.

Being a rogue, she was naturally quiet as she stepped inside the manor. She knew it didn’t take much noise to make the warrior come charging with sword in hand, so she kept her footsteps light as she made her way to the back, wanting to announce herself once he could see her so his hackles wouldn’t raise. When she got close enough to catch sight of him in the fire’s light, she was ever so glad that she had gone unnoticed. The elf was not alone. He had a lap full of healer and it looked as if the two of them were so busy tongue-wrestling that she could have stomped her way in here and they probably wouldn’t have taken notice. She leaned against the doorway, watching the answer to her questions with stunned delight.

\---

Every now and then he broke the kiss, trailing his lips along his jaw or to giving the lines on his chin a swipe with his tongue, but it never took him long to seek his mouth to resume what they were doing. He kept it all above the neck, unwilling to tempt himself beyond these intense kisses.

\---

The elf had caught onto Anders’ techniques, so he also stole little opportunities to pepper kisses along his jaw any time they needed a break for air before they resumed. He kissed him so deeply, pouring himself into it and wanting to keep this up until they were starting to slump in the chair and head to bed. In bed, they would likely talk a little while, then pick right back up where they left off.

It was during one of their little breaks that he was running his tongue lightly over the curve of Anders’ jaw that his eyes had opened and he caught a hint of movement from the corner of them. He startled, sitting bolt upright, his head snapping toward the door. “Get out.” He snarled at the pirate, his arms tightening around his mage as if he expected her to come after him.

“That’s no way to greet your friends. I just came by to ask about you and our sexy mage friend. But it looks like you two are even closer than I thought.” Isabela folded her arms beneath her breasts, not seeming all that interested in leaving her spot in the doorway. “I’m glad I did, that was hot.”

\---

If it hadn’t been for the arms around him, he would have toppled out of his lap. The sudden reaction made him jump violently and when he gained himself and realized what happened, he squirmed uncomfortably as if wanting to put space between them. This was not how he would have wanted anyone to find out about them - hell, he’d been doubtful that anyone would ever find out about them. It was something that he imagined Fenris wanted to keep on the down low and he didn’t really mind, since he didn’t want to deal with anyone’s reactions.

“Isabela, honestly. You shouldn’t be here. It’s way too late for a social call.” Nevermind that he was here. This wasn’t really a social call, though, was it? He was intentionally avoiding the elephant in the room, acting as if what she’d walked into was perfectly normal and to be expected.

\---

“Not with him. The elf keeps late hours. But then, I’m sure you know that.” The pirate smirked and moved further into the room. “So how long has this been going on? You two have been acting strangely for weeks now. I knew something was going on, but I wouldn’t have suspected this much.”

“It’s not your concern.” He could feel Anders squirming and finally eased up on his hold. “Just go. We can talk tomorrow if you have anything worthwhile to discuss.”

\---

He slipped off of his lap and stood, giving his robes a little straightening. “He’s right. It’s not. And we’d appreciate it if you kept this to yourself.” He was uncomfortable, but he appeared as calm and collected as he could for being having been interrupted in such a way.

\---

“You know I have to tell Hawke about this. Especially after all the trouble you got me in when you turned down our threesome like that. I worked so hard to convince him that there had to be someone else. Now I happen to know that it happens to be the least likely ‘someone else’ imaginable.” Isabela looked so tickled at this, delighted that she’d been right.

“Get. Out.” Fenris stood and started toward her, growling the words. She didn’t think he would hurt her, not really, but the aggression in his steps suggested that he was going to shove her out the door if she didn’t get moving so she started to back away. “Easy, easy. We’re all friends here, remember?”

\---

His eyes widened a little when she brought up the threesome and he cringed, his eyes flicking to Fenris. He didn’t want him knowing that had almost happened, but it was doubtful he really cared, so he shook off the comment. “Seriously, just listen to him and go.” He could see how worked up Fenris was, so he went after him to try and help calm him, setting a hand on his shoulder to stop him from following her. “If you want to talk, we can talk later.”

\---

Fenris stopped as soon as Anders’ hand was on his shoulder. She was moving back, after all, and he knew she would retreat now that he’d gotten her started. He was calming, as it seemed that he wasn’t particularly upset at what she’d caught them doing, he just wanted her to go.

“We should definitely talk about this.” Isabela smiled, but continued to back away from them. “I’ll keep my mouth shut, but you know people are going to find out eventually. You two have no reason to hide it.”

\---

He didn’t want to talk about this with her and he imagined that when she approached either of them, they were both going to be evasive. “They’ll find out if and when we want them to.” He replied, somewhat firm. He wasn’t really giving her an order, but the suggestion of it was there.

\---

“You should want them to. I think you two are a gorgeous couple.” With that, Isabela turned and made her way quickly out of sight. Fenris relaxed further when he heard her make her way out the door. “...I don’t care if they know. It just isn’t their business. And I don’t want them walking in unannounced in the evenings. During our time together.”

\---

“You don’t?” He used his grip on his shoulder to pull him around. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to keep this hidden,” he admitted, rather pleased that he wasn’t ashamed of the changes between them. “Maybe we ought to tell them then, just to get it over with. I doubt she’ll be able to keep her mouth shut for long, so better that it’s on our terms, yeah? Then you can tell them not to come over without knocking at night without dealing with any questions.”

\---

“What is there to hide? They don’t hide their relationships.” Fenris gave a little shrug at that. There was nothing shameful about what they were doing. “It will probably make things simpler if we tell them. And tell them they can’t just walk in here whenever they like anymore. Perhaps I should install a brass knocker on the door so I can hear them from anywhere in the mansion if they stop by.”

\---

“That means you have to go answer the door now.” He smirked, leaning in to peck his lips. “We’ll tell them, then. Next time we’re all together, we’ll tell them that we’re in a relationship.” He could already feel anticipation bubbling, knowing that it would feel more real if everyone knew. He still didn’t want to deal with their reactions, but it would be nice to be able to show his favor for him and be close to him in public.

\---

“It does. But only when I want company. Not when you’re here with me.” He smiled at the kiss and stole a little peck of his own. “I’m sure we’ll have an opportunity before the week is out. But for now, do you want to go lie down?” It was late and he wouldn’t mind picking up where they left off in bed.

\---

“Sure, come one.” He took his hand and walked him over to the bed, letting go when they reached the foot. He went to his side and went about taking off everything but his robes to get comfortable. Slipping into the bed, he fluffed his pillow a bit, speaking as he did so. “Unfortunately for you, Isabela will have all evening tomorrow to bother you. I feel sorry for you already.” He teased as he dropped his head to his pillow and got comfortable.

\---

Fenris stood by the bed, stripping out of his armor as he’d taken to doing lately. He climbed into bed with only his pants on and Anders’ words made him frown. “...So you’ll be gone tomorrow night. In the Gallows?” He didn’t like that he’d been going there alone as long as he had. And that he likely wouldn’t have found out about it if not for Justice.

\---

He was silent for a few beats, unsure of where that came from. “Why would you assume that?” he finally asked, meeting his gaze as he tucked a hand beneath his pillow to prop his head up slightly.

\---

“Because Justice told me where you go. When you’re not here.” The elf pulled the sheets up over himself, nestling into his pillow to look at Anders. “I’m going with you. I can help you. I can keep you safe.”

\---

He felt a rush of irritation, knowing that it must have come along with his pitch to help with their cause. “I’m not going to the Gallows tomorrow,” he told him and rather than explain what he was up to, he went on, “Even if I were, you don’t have to worry about it. I know how to stay out of sight when I’m there.”

\---

“I will worry about it regardless. So where are are we going tomorrow night? I’ll meet you at the clinic as normal and take you wherever you need to go. I won’t be in your way, just shadow you and help where I am needed.” His stare was intent as he waited for his answer, looking as if he would not accept any refusal from the mage.

\---

He sighed, sliding his hand further beneath the pillow so he was now propped by his arm. “Fenris, believe me when I tell you that this is nothing you want to get involved with. I know your opinion has started to change, but I don’t expect you to join the crusade to free all mages.”

\---

“My crusade is to protect you and to support what you want.” Fenris said firmly, reaching to find his hand. “I know there is not much I can do during the day, but I have been trying to help. I’ve killed five templars in the last week. Two of them had a mage with them and I took her to her friends in Lowtown. I want to help.”

\---

His eyes widened comically and he gawked at him. “You’ve been killing templars?! Fenris!” He tried to continue, but he was at a loss for words, stumbling over sounds. He’d helped free captured mages? “I don’t- What- I-” He couldn’t string a sentence together and he just looked at him incredulously.

\---

“Yes. I was told I should be helping you more. I don’t really know what else I can do to help in the daytime. But I assumed that a few less templars would not hurt for starters.” He was a little surprised by just how surprised Anders seemed. He assumed that the other would have expected him to get to work after finding out what Justice had told him.

\---

“This isn't your fight, I told you that didn't agree with what Justice said.” He could feel that the spirit was satisfied with this development and it only served to frustrate him. “You can't just go around killing templars. They’re going to think it's us targeting them and crack down on us even harder.” Even as he chastised him, there was something softening his expression. “And I don't want you painting a target on your back,” he murmured, giving his hand a squeeze.

\---

“I’ll be more visible then. So they’ll know it’s me, not any mages. They can’t hurt me.” He frowned, not liking to think that he’d made matters worse. At least helping the mage get to safety had felt like he’d been doing something to help Anders. “I’m not killing them in mass. Just picking off a few at a time.”

\---

“What? No. Don't do that.” He sighed, looking at him seriously. “Promise me that you're not going to kill anymore templars. Not unless they're actively hurting someone…”

\---

“Then tell me what I can do to help you in the daytime instead.” He would make no such promise. But perhaps he could at least do something else to help the cause. Something that wouldn’t put the mages or himself at further risk. “And tell me where we’re going tomorrow.”

\---

“You can finish your work on the mansion and learn to cook.” The things he’d talking about wanting to do. That was better than him running around and putting himself in danger. “I’m just going to a meeting. It’s in Darktown. It’s not dangerous, we’re just discussing the information we’ve gathered and what to do with it.” 

\---

“Those are the things I want. They have nothing to do with your cause.” That simply would not do. Not after what he’d been told. “And if it’s not dangerous, then I can at least guard the door while you meet. I will go with you.”

\---

After a long moment of silence, he exclaimed, “You stupid elf.” He used the hand he was holding to yank him in so he could kiss him hard. “You stupid, wonderful elf.” He continued against his lips, letting go of his hand to slide the arm around him. “How did I get so lucky?”

\---

 “You chose the right house to hide in that night when you were a cat.” The reaction had surprised him, but he found himself smiling against his lips. He wrapped his arms around him in return, holding him close and kissing him eagerly. “I’m the one who was lucky.”

\---

It was too much for him. His heart was beating roughly and he was overwhelmed with emotion. It took him a while to pull himself together enough to finally respond, “Nonsense.” He drew his head back to look at him, his eyes flicking between Fenris’.

“If you truly wish to help me, there is something you can do during the day…” It would help and if it put killing templars out of his mind, all the better.

\---

Fenris watched him intently, his smile fading into something more serious and solemn like he usually wore. “What can I do?” Perhaps it would make his days go faster, though he found he was pretty busy lately.

\---

“I do sometimes go to the Gallows at night, but more often I go during the day. It's more productive. I close the clinic for a couple hours and go to observe and find out what I can. You wouldn’t have to go everyday, of course, but if you went a couple of times a week. Well, I wouldn’t have to close the clinic and it wouldn’t really matter if the templars noticed you loitering around, though I’d prefer that they didn’t for obvious reasons.”

\---

“I can do that. And if any of them seem to take notice, I will kill them.” Whatever he observed in the Gallows would stay in the Gallows until he could convey the information to Anders. “You won’t have to close your clinic. I will go a few days each week.”

\---

“Just try not to, if you can avoid it. I’ll go with you the first couple of times, so I can show you what to look out for.” He’d been doing it for months, so he knew exactly what he was looking for each time he went out there. After a beat, he continued, “Thank you. I never thought...” He trailed off and with a smile, he decided he didn’t need to say any more. “Thank you.”

\---

“Alright. Will you let me come tomorrow night? Stand guard, if nothing else?” He didn’t need to be thanked, not really. They were friends. This was the type of thing they were supposed to do for each other.

\---

“Yeah, you can come. Just… if you hear anything you don’t like, save it for me when we get back?” That was his only request. He didn’t want him to come, get worked up, and start a fight with everyone else. He didn’t think it was likely, just not impossible.

\---

“I will do my best to hold my tongue until we are alone.” It wouldn’t surprise him at all if he heard things he didn’t like. It would be a room of mages, undoubtedly some blood mages among them. But it wasn’t about what was said in the meetings, it was about keeping Anders safe. “Then I will come get you at your clinic at the normal time tomorrow and you can show me where to go.”

\---

“We’re actually meeting earlier than that,” he explained, stroking his fingers over his back lightly. “Come when it starts to get dark.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips and what he’d meant to be brief ended up being drawn out and he slipped into a savoring kiss. The conversation suddenly didn’t seem to matter and he slid his hand up to cradle the back of his head and keep him pulled in. He could do this for the rest of the night and it seemed for the moment that he intended on just that.


	21. Chapter 21

It was only a few of days later that it was card night and they decided they would attend together and reveal their relationship to the rest of them. The ones that showed up, anyway. Anders had insisted on meeting him there, so naturally, when time came to close shop, he found Fenris waiting outside to walk him there. With a grumble and a kiss, he walked with him to the Hanged Man, arriving in Varric’s private room together. It seemed there was a good showing tonight, though it was possible there were a straggler or two that hadn’t shown up yet. Hawke, Isabela, Varric himself, and Merrill were all sitting together.

Anders took a seat with Fenris, determinedly ignoring Isabela. He already knew what to expect of her and he was not going to give her the satisfaction of his acknowledgement until they’d fessed up and she had nothing to gleefully hold over them. “Deal us in,” he told Varric, who was currently shuffling the cards and looking between them. It was not the first time they’d sat by each other, but it was the first time they’d arrived together.

“Oh, you’re in tonight, are you?” the dwarf replied cheerfully, though he did notice the use of ‘us’. As he dealt out cards to all of them, Anders pulled out what coin he could spare. It wasn’t much, but he figured joining in and remaining casual would help to keep them get over it when they came out with it. Hawke, meanwhile, was gathering his cards as they were being tossed at him and threw Isabela a look as he straightened them in his hands.

\---

Isabela gave Hawke a knowing smirk, but kept her mouth shut. She’d told them she wouldn’t tell and thus far, she’d managed to keep her word. Her word was typically pretty flimsy, but so far, she’d done well. Merrill cocked her head a little, curious about this strange behavior between the two of them, though she didn’t have it in her to ask so her eyes dropped back to her cards.

Fenris frowned at the others, as if daring them to say anything. But he tossed some coin on the table and gathered his cards, looking them over. He didn’t know how to tell them, knowing they were going to make idiots of themselves at the discovery no matter how they told them. So rather than say anything, he just shifted his seat a little closer to Anders.

\---

Anders added his own coin to the pot and looked over his cards. Nothing good, as usual. He didn’t know what it was with his luck, but it wasn’t as if it mattered. The rare times he did manage to scrape together a winning hand, everyone else had shitty hands and left him with barely enough winnings to keep himself afloat.

The look only made Hawke all the more curious and he looked across the table at the pair. Deciding to hell with it, he spoke up, “So about you two becoming all-”

“We have something to tell everyone,” Anders interrupted, pushing his hands together and closing the fan of his cards. He set them down in front of him and, still ignoring Isabela, looked between the other three.

\---

Fenris waited a beat before sighing and folding his cards as well. He didn’t have anything good either. “We’re together.” They didn’t need any more explanation as far as he was concerned.

Merrill gasped and then grinned, looking completely delighted with the development. “Enemies turned lovers! Just like in the stories! Oh, I’m so happy for you both!”

Isabela threw Hawke another smirk before she spoke up. “I knew. I’ve been trying to set these two up for a long time. Then I finally caught them making out and I knew that my matchmaking skills haven’t rusted just yet.”

\---

Hawke looked between them, his stunned expression turning wry. “This is a joke.” They were working together to pull one over them, which in itself was nearly as bizarre as what they were claiming. “This is a joke,” he repeated, this time looking to Isabela. “You’re so full of shit.” She was in on it, but why?

Varric, meanwhile, was staring at them with with his mouth open. “Um, Hawke, I don’t think they’re joking.” He completely forgot about his hand, his cards lowering to the table.

“It’s not a joke,” he confirmed, his hand reaching for Fenris beneath the table, silently asking him to hold it. He needed a little support. “You’re not wrong, though, she is full of shit - you haven't been trying to set us up for a long time. We got together without any intervention, thank you.”

“Yeah, about that. How?” Varric asked, needing to know the story. He’d not heard gossip this interesting within their group in some time.

\---

“I have too. I caught you stealing looks at him and I offered to help you get with him. That was weeks ago.” Isabela didn’t really seem to mind the accusation. She was still reveling, so pleased that she didn’t have to keep the secret any longer and taking a deep drink of ale.

“It just happened. We became friends, then we decided to be together.” Fenris shrugged, wishing he had a drink of his own. Instead he felt the hand seeking his and held it, lacing their fingers.

\---

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say.” He looked over at Fenris, trying to gauge how his elf was feeling. He didn’t like this, that much was clear, and he didn’t blame him. As long as he didn’t regret telling them, that was all he cared about. He squeezed his hand as soon as their fingers were woven, his thumb rubbing back and forth.

Even still, Hawke was looking at them with skeptical amusement. “Right. One day you stopped hating each other, decided to become friends, and then made out.”

“Well, it didn’t happen in a day, no, but that’s the short of it.” Anders was a little annoyed - was it really so impossible that Fenris could like him? Okay, maybe he would have thought so before all of this, but this supposed joke wasn’t even funny. Okay, maybe it was a little funny, but it wasn’t a joke.

“Perhaps it’ll be easier to believe if you give us details, you know, maybe a timeline?” suggested Varric, taking a drink of his own as he watched them intently.

\---

“You don’t need to believe us and you don’t need to have the details.” Fenris said dismissively, soothed by the soft touch of Anders’ thumb. He felt himself lean in toward him just a little. “What you do need to know is that we’re together. And we spend our nights at my mansion, so after his clinic closes that is where you will find both of us. For obvious reasons, I’ve added a brass knocker to my door. There will be no more walking in unannounced.” He gave Isabela a sharp look at that and she shot him a wink.

\---

It seemed what Fenris had to say finally make it sink in and Hawke’s skepticism faded in favor of stunned amusement. “You’re joking.” This time it didn’t mean it literally, but he still got an exasperated response of, “We’re not joking, Hawke,” from the mage. He shook his head as he looked between them, seeing that they were being completely serious, before throwing his head back and laughing himself silly.

Anders huffed. If this kept up, he doubted they would be staying long. If this was going to be tolerable, he had to try to see it from their point of view - it would be like Isabela and Aveline shacking up. If they suddenly sat down in front of him and claimed to be together, he’d probably laugh just as much. It _was_ a little funny.

Leaning over to Fenris, he whispered into his ear, “I suppose we can’t blame them for being interested. We _are_ leaving out a lot.” There was a beat and then he went on. “Like how I love you.” He’d felt the emotion building in the last few days and after openly declaring their relationship to the people they knew, it was as strong as ever and he couldn’t help telling him.

\---

The words shook him and Fenris looked to Anders suddenly, his eyes wide. He loved him? Having feelings for him was one thing, but he _loved_ him? He wasn’t sure what to make of it, but his gut reaction was positive. If Anders loved him, he wouldn’t leave. He’d want to stay close to him. It would make things even better. The green of his eyes were bright with emotion as he tried to process the words and forgetting momentarily about their captive audience, he leaned in to press a firm kiss to his lips. Only when he heard another gasp from Merrill and a delighted giggle from Isabela did he break it, color high in his cheeks.

\---

The reaction made him smile, but the kiss was unexpected. It was easy to forget about everyone else and return it, brief as it was, but when it was broken, he turned his head to see everyone watching them. Even Hawke had sobered and was staring. “I think we might retire early.” They’d only just arrived, but after that interaction, he wanted to be alone with him. “Fenris?”

\---

Fenris nodded, looking embarrassed, but not displeased. “I think that’s a good idea. I didn’t have a good hand anyway.” Though he couldn’t care less about the cards. He just wanted to get out of the public eye and home with Anders. He could hear the women whispering among themselves, but he really didn’t care what they thought. His eyes broke from Anders to look at the others, as if daring them to say anything about it.

\---

Varric was somewhat disappointed - it was less people to play with and he wanted a story, but he could always bother the mage later. If they were alone, he knew he could get him to spill. If not all the details, then some of them. When Fenris looked to them, he shrugged, “Your loss. Friends, cards, booze, what could be better?” He plucked up his hands to take another look at his hand, before dropping a couple of coins into the pot.

“Then we’ll talk later.” Hawke was unaware of just how much he sounded like his pirate. He wasn’t sure what to make of this development, but it was preferable to the constant bickering. He was all for it as long as it wasn’t a disaster waiting to happen and it seemed to him that it might be.

He gave his hand a squeeze, then let go so they could get up. He pushed the chair in and said a simple goodbye to the group, before making his way downstairs and out.

\---

“Some other time.” Fenris gave them a nod and stood as well, following Anders out of the pub. Once they were out in the evening air, he looked to the other rather sheepishly. He loved him. He knew the other wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. “Let’s go home.” He murmured, a smile on his lips. He wanted to be alone with him. Somewhere they could kiss and get lost in each other for the night.

\---

When Fenris looked at him, he responded with a rather lovely smile. He moved closer to him and slid his arms around Fenris’, seeming to want to walk arm in arm with him. He normally wasn’t so forward with affection in public, but everyone knew about them already, so what harm was there?

\---

Even if everyone knew, Fenris would have preferred to keep a little space between them until they were in the house. But there was no harm in it, especially with the roads so quiet in the evening, and so there was no reason to push him away. He kept their arms linked, enjoying the quiet walk and only when the mansion was in sight did he break the silence. “I’m glad they know now. It’ll be old news soon enough and they’ll gawke over something else.”

\---

“Me too.” It felt so good to be open about their relationship. He wasn’t ashamed of him and everyone knew how much they meant to each other. When they got inside, he slid a hand down his arm to take hold of his hand. He wove their fingers together as they made their way back to the room. “I’ll get the fire started.” Rather than let go of him, he dragged him over to it and used his free hand to shoot a fireball into the fireplace.

\---

He’d gotten a little more used to the magic the other used so thoughtlessly, especially because it was rather convenient sometimes. And most importantly, not directed at him. “Good, it’s a little chilly in here tonight.” The old house was often a little cold at night, but mostly it was an excuse to stay close.

\---

He pulled him over to the chair and pushed him down into it. Then he dropped into his lap and started undoing his gauntlets, pulling them off for him and letting them drop to the ground. Then he took his hand once more, this time feeling only skin when their fingers wove together. “I prefer this. Much nicer than watching everyone get drunk and losing all my coin to them.”

\---

“I do as well. The ale there is terrible anyway.” Though he always drank it whenever they spent time in the tavern. He looked down at where their bare hands were joined and let the soft blue light of his lyrium start to fill in the grooves in his skin. “I’d rather a quiet night with you, Baru.”

\---

He smiled and leaned in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “I love you,” he told him again, leaning close as his skin lit, since he’d whispered it in front of everyone and they hadn’t been able to really talk. “Being here with you is better than anything else.”

\---

The words rattled him all over again, making him fidget and flush. But they also made him smile. “...No one has ever said anything like this to me before. I guess I didn’t know if anyone ever would. I knew we’d gotten close, but I didn’t know-...” He trailed off to give him a soft kiss. “Thank you.”

\---

The response _and_ lack of response told him a lot, but he found that he didn’t really mind. Not when what he was given was so positive. “Don’t thank me,” he murmured, returning the kiss just as softly, “Just tell me when you feel the same.” He squeezed his hand and then lowered his head to rest against his shoulder.

\---

Fenris drew a slow breath at that and moved his free hand to stroke it through Anders’ hair. “I wish this wasn’t all so new and confusing to me. I’m not sure what love feels like. But I can tell you...that you mean so very much to me.” It still seemed insane to him that he would say such a thing to a man he’d loathed, but it was truth. Anders had become a splash of sunlight in what was otherwise a very dark and grim existence and though he’d never wished for any such light, he now didn’t know how he’d lived without it.

\---

“It’s alright, I understand. I have little experience with love. In the Circle, if we dabbled in such emotions, it was only a game. Karl was-” He trailed off, his eyes shutting. There was no need to get into that and he didn’t want to bring the mood down. “I’ve never felt for anyone the way I do about you.” He pulled his hand up to kiss it softly, letting his lips linger on the back of it.

\---

“I’m sorry.” He murmured, pressing a soothing kiss to the side of his head. He gave him a more concentrated rush of lyrium before he went on it. “I guess this is new for both of us. But I know I want to keep feeling like this. The way it feels when I’m with you.”

\---

“Me too.” He never wanted this feeling to fade. He hadn’t been this happy in years. In his whole life, really. “I want to be yours for the rest of my life.” He was coming on strong, but it was difficult not to when he was experiencing genuine love for the first time in his life.

\---

The words made him smile. If he truly wanted to stay for the rest of his life, they would both stay happy. “I want that too. I am yours and you are mine.” He gave his hand a squeeze, then eased up his hold on him. “Do you want to lie down with me?”

\---

He opened his eyes and met his gaze, returning his smile warmly. Then he remembered something he’d meant to tell him. “Mm, I do, but before that I need to talk to you.” He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but he’d intended on bringing this up when they got back. He’d just been distracted by everything that had happened in the Hanged Man and forgot about it.

\---

His smile faded a little at that, not sure what he meant to talk to him about. “Of course. What is it, Anders?” Hopefully it wasn’t going to sully the mood. After dealing gracefully enough with the reactions of their comrades, he’d been expecting a perfect night. But he watched him intently to hear whatever it was regardless.

\---

“Some people from the Underground came to speak to me at the clinic today,” he explained as he straightened up so they could speak properly. “I have something to do tomorrow night and I know you will want to come with me.” After the meeting he’d attended, he felt a lot more comfortable with him coming along. He’d done well - staying out of it and saying nothing that would upset any of the mages there. He appreciated it.

\---

“I will go. How early do we leave?” He had a lesson with Lady Margo tomorrow evening before the normal time he would walk to Darktown to get Anders. But her schedule was flexible and if he had to leave early to help with this mission, he doubted she’d mind at all.

\---

“Late. Later than usual. We are sneaking a mage out of the Gallows and it is better done when most of the templars will be sleeping.” He shook his head to himself, his expression turning solemn. “The girl is pregnant. She was taken unwillingly by a couple of the templars and their seed took hold. She’s not showing, but if they find out she’s pregnant… They’ll never believe it was the result of abuses done by their order. They’ll punish her, torment her to make her confess which mage she slept with, and then take the child away when it is born.” There was a quiet anger in his explanation and his jaw was tight by the end.

\---

Fenris listened grimly, a deep frown on his lips. His eyes grew a little distant by the end, his thoughts drifting elsewhere, but he nodded. “We will get her to safety. I’ll get you at the usual time, we can have something to eat, then head out when the hour is late.”

\---

“Okay.” He didn’t have anything more to say about it, so he pushed the emotions back down. He’d felt angry all day and everything that had happened in the Hanged Man and since had been a reprieve. One that he wanted to return to. “Let’s go to bed.” He slipped off his lap and helped pull out to the feet, before walking them to his bed. He let go of his hand to get ready to lay down, taking off his boots and his coat, letting down his hair, and setting his staff within reach of the bed.

\---

He was solemn on the way over to the bed, but he also wanted to resume the tone the night had prior to discussing the mission. He undressed as he usually did, leaving only his pants on when he slid into bed. His hands stretched for Anders, wanting him to settle onto the mattress with him. To forget the topic at hand and instead get lost in kisses the way they always did before sleep.

\---

He saw him reaching and slid in next to him, pressing against his side and draping himself over him. A palm rested on his chest and he pressed a few soft kisses to the crook of his neck.

\---

“I am yours.” He murmured, closing his eyes as the kisses soothed some of the tension that had built in him. He wrapped his arms around him, renewing the glow in his skin to give him more of the treasured energy.

\---

That made his lips quirk back up and he lifted his head enough to bring their faces level. “I am yours.” This wasn't a quiet life with a beautiful woman that would give him many children, like he use to want, but it was better. Far better, with Fenris acceptance of what he was and his willingness to help him with something was was important to him. He leaned in to give him a lingering kiss, sighing against his lips as the peace settled back into him and chased away the heaviness of their conversation.


End file.
